How I Spent My Summer Vacation

Remember those essays we used to have to write the first week of every school year? I didn't mind them so much, after all it's not like the teacher even knew who you were before you stepped foot in her class. Who's she to say that there's no way you could've took a hot air balloon expidition to the South Pole? Anyways that's what today's post is all about.

After I decided to not Live Life Like A Porpoise, I managed to get a ton of stuff done both fun and from the Honey Do List. The first of each week was spent remodeling Fred's room and our master bedroom (pics to follow this week). The fumes hit Lucy and I hard; after I painted Fred's room I got a sinus infection, Lucy got hers after I painted our's. We spent the 4th at Granny Beck's where we had our usual Chinese Thanksgiving. This year I even managed to learn how to make Curry Chicken and Sweet/Sour Pork (not the chicken nugget kind, but the real deal). Plus we had some recession fireworks (not much flash cause we got no cash) that shocked Fred to the point that you would've thought we were standing on top of the Empire State Building watching them explode over the Brooklyn Bridge.

By the end of last week with only four days left I called it quits and enjoyed the rest of my time. A couple fishing trips, an afternoon spent watching Dave Matthews Live In Concert, a surprise 30th B-Day party for Lucy, a little book reading time, plus I pulled the old bike out of the shed so I could keep up with Fred as he pedals up and down the street (he's past the point where I can keep up on foot).

Overall I learned a couple important lessons: 1# Even if I had 2 months off I'd still never get everything done and 2# I never get sick of hanging out with my family and that even includes the GiGi (just don't tell her I said that). Enjoy some pics of from what turned out to be the two best consecutive weeks of my life:

Life Without Porpoise

As many of you have no doubt heard, the company I work for has decided to shutdown this week and next. What this means is that unfortunately I'm midway through an unexpected two week vacation, and that believe it or not I started out having a horrible time coming to grips with. First of all lest I come on as some arrogant snob who doesn't know just how well he has it, please understand that I am extremely grateful for everything I have and that I can't imagine how much harder others who have it far worse are handling things. Still the shutdown has definitely been a wake up call. The first day I was a total wreck. I literally walked right into a door, spent the day babbling like an idiot, and generally just felt out of place in the world. I know myself enough to realize if I had been laid off and Monday had been my first day out of work, I'd of been up at the crack of dawn, resume in hand, and hitting the bricks looking for more work. That's the rub though, I have a job....they just don't need me there for 10 more days.

Immediately I found myself wondering what does a work-aholic do when there's no work to be had? Whatever the answer may be, I was sure the way it wouldn't turn out is with me sitting around like a fat whale catching up on Day Of Our Lives and eliminating an entire bag of Oreos.

I'm proud to say that going into the 4th day of my isolation, I've managed to stay even busier than I likely would have been had I gone into the office everyday. I've set the alarm for my normal 6:00 A.M wake-up every morning. Monday I cleaned out Fred's room, ran errands, grabbed a quick bite, and by 8:00 that night had transformed the once nursery into a Big Boy room. Tuesday I jumped up ran a couple more errands, hit the driving range, put the finishing touches on Fred's room, and got to spend a great afternoon with Lucy. Wednesday I was up at the Dr's office (sinus infection), took care of a couple more errands, cut grass, and managed to be done in time for Fred to get home from school. Next week I plan on painting our bedroom Monday/Tuesday and then getting some R&R (playing a little golf, getting some fishing in).

Basically what I've learned is that though I may be a work-aholic, I'm not limited by where I work. It's got nothing to do with who I work for or what my career is, it's about how I'm no longer that guy that enjoys laying on his hump all day watching the world pass me buy. As an 8 year resident of various cube-farms I've often wondered what outsiders did with their days...and now I know they stay active, they get things done, and they never stop working towards their goals which is exactly what I myself attempt to accomplish during my typical 8-5. A life with purpose means you don't live life like a porpoise and for my own sake I hope that's something I never turn into again.

Who am I? Who I Am.

I am a 2 ton wrestling opponent ready for battle at any given moment
I am a waiter eager to accept my customers latest order
I am a television programmer strategically plotting what the viewing audience will enjoy most
I am a plumber who is called at all hours to figure out what was flushed or why it won't
I am a lover of every purple dinosaur, every imaginary friend, every rabbit brother and sister, every talking dog, penguin, moose, and whatever, every super hero duck, hamster, and turtle, every Spanish explorer, animal rescuer, and maintenance man.
I am a pool boy
I am a Sunday school teacher
I am a tryer, a doer, and sometimes a failure.
I am a reader of rhymes and singer of verse.
I am a chauffeur, taxi cab driver, and a couple of times I've rushed through town as if in an ambulance.
I am a race track designer
I am a Nascar racer who always comes in second place
I am a memory keeper.
I am a provider, a giver, a receiver, and lucky guy
I am a married far abover
I am a I will pull your pants down right here in front of everyone and spank that bottomer
I am a surgeon adept at placing a band aide at just the right angle so as to stop the pain
I am a beautician who can't get promoted past the hair washing station
I am a computer tech
I am a teacher of words, learner of slang, and discourager of terms
I am a craftsman who can perform miracles with elmers glue, a pair of scissors, and a paper sack
I am a go to your roomer
I am a too busy to write a post today blogger
I am a carry of all thing precious, wiggly, and upset
I am a painter of rooms, colorer of pages, and drawer of doodles
I am a do as I sayer not as I doer
I am a dentist always on the look out for easier ways to keep teeth in better shape
I am a finder of things to do while waiting for the doctor to call our name
I am a kisser of booboos, spanker of bottoms, and giver of high fives
I am a getter of way more than I ever deserver
I am a no matter how big the fight we can work it outer
I am a struggler, a survivor, and warrior
I am a architect of towers that never last
I am a husband, a father, a son, a lover, a best friend, a brother, a believer, and hopefully a teller to all those who I am thankful for-er.

From Playboy To Parenting

Don't ask me why, but lately I've been thinking a lot about magazines. We seem to have them everywhere and refuse to let them go no matter if they've been read or not. You would think that with all the television we watch, all the time spent on the Internet, all the moments during the day listening to talk radio, we'd be some of the most well informed people on this planet. Yet one of my most favorite moments in every week has to be coming home on Friday and seeing who's on the cover of Entertainment Weekly.

As I mentioned magazines have been on my mind. After thinking over all the different types we've subscribed to over the years, I was surprised how you can literally trace my growth as a person based on what found it's way into my mailbox. Lucy and I had our first date on 12/27/97. At the time I lived in a fraternity house and Playboy may as well have been the local currency. It was everywhere. Stacks and stacks piled up in closets, bedrooms, covering coffee tables. It was openly discussed and critiqued on a daily basis.

After Lucy and I moved in together I didn't bring Playboy with me. I was however one of the many that signed up for Maxim the first year it came out. Actually if you look at my credit card statement from that time I signed up for more than just one harmless magazine. There was People, Details, GQ, Men's Health, Premier, Stuff...I can't remember if I had a crush on a magazine sales lady or what, but they just kept offering and I kept subscribing.

As the years went by I found I didn't care how to pick up women in a bar using various forms of grunts and hand gestures even though Maxim assured me would work....and I couldn't afford to dress like anyone in GQ....or buy any Stuff other than what I could get at a yard sale...and I never exercised...so I put away my crush for the magazine lady and stopped getting magazines all together. Until that is Entertainment Weekly offered to fill my Pop Culture needs on a weekly basis for the low low price of 10 cents an issue.

I was baptized close to 5-6 years ago and went through an intellectual phase in which I felt I needed to read as much as possible about every political, social, medical, statistical movement there was....this lead to Harper's. A monthly dose of left wing propaganda mixed with some poetry and a touch of "exclusive" fiction from today's most deep thinking writers. I soon learned that my desire for more knowledge couldn't over come my distaste for pages upon pages of words without pictures.

I wrote for a pet website for a while so friends and family got the chance to laugh at me while I scoured the pages of Cat Fancy looking for juicy fodder. It seemed like with every new assignment came another niche mag. Golf Digest. Log Cabin Monthly. Of course the moment Fred was conceived we signed up for Parenting. Since we had a child who demanded to eat everyday we thought we'd better learn to make something other than spaghetti hence Family Circle. US Weekly gives us the sort of Garbage-Can-Gossip that EW thinks we are too mature for. Plus Fred even gets a couple in hopes that they will someday keep him quiet during church. We even get one devoted completely to foods made by Kraft. All I can figure is at some point we really must have loved mac'n cheese.

Looking back you might think that things have gone down hill after I let Maxim go, but honestly they have several things in common. They are both full of glossy images that I'll never get to touch in real life, they both cause my jaw to drop and a little bit of saliva to run out of the corner of my mouth, and they both are full of plastic things that are never as good as they look in print. Honestly the way I see it Family Circle is better because A) I got a better chance of experiencing some of the things described in the articles and B)Lucy never complains when I oogle over chicken tetrazzini .

Welcome To Walmart! Now With Less Clothing!

Somebody asked about Fred recently and if he was as hard to handle as their child. The answer to this is of course "He's way worse than your kid", because honestly who doesn't think their child is the biggest handful ever to be brought into this world. The question did spark a string of recent memories that I feel proves Fred (though he may seem out of control at times) is everything an All American Child should be.

Like last week during vacation bible school, right there in middle of the puppet show he decided to stand up and show the crowd how well he can do flips. He did 3 before I was able to stop him.

The next night he ran as hard as he could, caring less of where he was going, and managed to look up just in time to see the support beam hit him dead center between the eyes. It's been a week and he's still got two blackeyes.

Monday night he slept in his Spiderman costume. At 3:30 that morning he woke us up because he'd had an accident and gotten it all wet. It took us half an hour to convince him to change clothes.

One thing we are learning is that spanking may be useful at times, but in the end (no pun intended) it really doesn't have any long lasting effect. I think it's because during the normal course of the day he somehow manages to hurt his own self at least two dozen times, so us adding a couple of licks turns out to be nothing compared to what he's already been inflicted on his poor knees and elbows. To get to Fred you have to out think him. Pull out some logic and blind him. Dazzle him with your common sense and wisdom.....and if that doesn't work distract him with a distant prize that can only be obtained by listening to Mommy and Daddy. And even then he can't help but be who he is......the kid that out of the blue decided yesterday that it would be fun to chant "Let's get naked!!" over and over while we stood in line at Wal-mart.

Previews Of Times Gone By

When you have your first child there quickly comes many a moment when you find yourself awake at 2:00 A.M. staring at the ceiling and wondering "What was I thinking?" Sure you love the crying thing in the next room with all your heart, but after 3 hours of screaming without any indication as to what is wrong it's easy to see why even the strongest among us would start questioning their ability to make rationale decisions.

Thankfully somewhere along the way God through his infinite wisdom manages to cloud your mind. Those moments spent pulling out your hair as you stare at your child in disbelief just moments after he emptied the entire contents of the bathtub (water and all) onto your newly tiled floor, fade from your memory and somehow become funny stories you can't wait to tell to all of your friends. Maybe it's some form of selective memory brought on by the constant shock and awe that comes from having a child. It could be that the insanity that seems to swirl around your child finally manages to consume you as well.

I like to think that God knows that the only way people would ever decide to have more than one child and thus continue the furthering of the species would be to simply edit their memories so that when they do look back they only see the good parts. Kinda like movie previews in reverse. Instead of that time your child screamed in the middle of church that somebody wasn't praying right....you see how excited they get when they learn they get to go to Sunday school. You forget that night you were scared to death because he had a fever of 105 and wouldn't quit throwing up....and remember the first time he learned to potty by himself. You only see him lying their sleeping peacefully and not the hours of threatening to make his life miserable if he didn't take a nap.

Now I'm not sitting here saying that we are actively trying to have another child...honestly that would be way too personal for even these pages....what I am saying is that lately my mind isn't what it used to be. When I look back at those first few months when we had Fred I don't remember the fear of not knowing what I was getting into. I don't see the pain brought on from having to spank him for the first time. I don't remember how much I disliked having to share my bed or change dirty diapers or waking up at all hours of the night to give him a bottle....all I see are moments I'd like to live through again....all I see are previews.

A Visit To See An Old Friend

Daddy, What are we doing here?

Well, I have an old friend around here somewhere and I thought we would pay him a visit.

Do you see your friend Daddy?

Um...not really...but this is where he hangs out.

Is your friend far away?

Not all the time. Sometimes he feels like he's standing just over my shoulder.

My friend would really like you Fred.

I bet I would really like him too Daddy!

Wow this hole is big.

My friend was a pretty big guy.

Well I just wanted to come buy and see how he was doing.

Time to go see Mommy, Daddy?

Yep, I guess it's time to go see Mommy

Daddy, Is your friend your Daddy?

Um...well...for a very long time, yes he was my Daddy.

(How did he know that?)

The Toboggan Conundrum

I'm sure that by taking a look at the picture above several thoughts have crossed your mind. "What a lovely family this guy has" the answer to which is yes I do thank you for thinking so. "Oh that's why they weren't at church this past weekend. They are on vacation" Ummm Yes and No. Yes we weren't at church yesterday because we were out of town. No this picture was actually taken last year

No doubt though if given enough time more than likely some where down the line the thought "Man that kid has a lot of hair" will pop in and out of your mind. The answer to this is both the reason I'm writing today and also something that has been on my mind quite a bit lately. You see all that hair blowing in the wind. That hair is thick! Those just aren't a few bunched up strands of long brown hair being tossed around. That is a birds nest of curls, tangles, and knots that must be combed good everyday and not voluntarily either.

Now allow me to step away from the hair thing for a moment. Check out the color in those cheeks. That pinkish hue which occurs after a child has played his heart out all day. A look that only comes from running too, fleeing from, jumping off, climbing up, and tripping over everything in his path. He had that look last year when this picture was taken, two days ago after playing in the yard, and tomorrow after driving his mother crazy all day.

What's my point you ask? It's this....how can this child who has all this hair on top of his head which constantly serves as built in insulation locking in and ensnaring everything that gets caught in it....how can this curly headed boy with so much energy continuously pumping through his veins so much so that his faces pulsates heat like a mini-gasoline heater....how can this child think that he is so cold at night that even with the thermostat set at 70 degrees, a sheet, a quilt, and a comforter placed gingerly on top of him, plus a set of flannel pajamas covering him from neck to toe...how can he still be so cold that his insists on wearing a toboggan to bed!

Thank You Micro-Machine Man!

Remember the Micro-Machine Man? That Super Mario looking guy that sold those microscopic cars and the idea that tiny Hot Wheels were some how cooler than the regular sized models. We may not all realize it, but parents everywhere learned a lot from that guy. Don't believe me? Think about the last time you tried to get your child to do something in a hurry. Did it sound something like this?

Come here Come here Come here Come here k-ear k-ear k-ear k-ear COME HERE!

See just like the Micro-Machine Man taught you. I can do it with Fred's name too: Fred Fred Fred Fred Fred Fred F-ed F-ed F-ed FRED!

If you think about it after their child turns three every parent should be given an honorary Auctioneer's degree that would allow them to just jump up and take over whenever they please.

"Can I get a dollar dollar dollar. Got two got two got two. Can get I a five a five....what? Mama I'm sorry but this is my auction and I'm the only one that can run this microphone...oh hey there little buddy I didn't see you there. Yes I know owls are brown. Yep that baby has orange on. Now don't starting calling me Doo Doo that's not nice. On second thought maybe I do need a break so as I can get a glass of water....I concede the microphone to the lady with the little boy who just broke that lamp."

Off To A Rocky Start

At the end of the day after the sun is set and your child is sleeping soundly in his bed, it's easy to look back at what took place hours before and think "Boys will be boys". Four hours earlier when you've just walked into the door from a day that was every bit of a Monday only to find your precious child spent the day in Time-Out for throwing rocks....you're not so inclined to write things off so easily.

Needless to say we sort of started this week off on a slippery slope. The only thing that stopped him from getting a serious beating was that Lucy and I soon realized the whole thing may have been our fault. We took him to see a local waterfall Sunday afternoon and the entire time he was there he was tossing rocks in the river. Since he seemed to be having so much fun, we went to a quiet spot with picnic tables where he could sit next to the water's edge and throw pebbles until his arm fell off. Great family fun right? Of course! I'm sure we told him the only time you throw rocks is when you are at the river...we just may have not mentioned it a lot...or more than once.

How do you explain to the Director of your daycare that in the same sense that Lucy and I can be looked proudly on when Fred is well behaved.....sometimes we must also be scolded when he's not. While I figure out how to answer this question, enjoy these pics!

Now Serving Lobster!!

Thanks to the miracle that is DVR, commercials are a thing of the past. Really the only time I see a commercial is if I'm watching the morning news or happen to hear one on the radio. Even then I'm only half listening. This morning I saw one and found it so disturbing I couldn't shake the thought of it all day no matter what I tried. I'm not talking about the new Burger King Sir Mix-A-Lot Sponge Bob Square Pants Square Meal Deal ad. I would rather not have Fred walking around looking at every one's butt wondering why it's not shaped like the ones he saw on T.V. What has got me so repulsed is the Long John Silvers Lobster Bites for $2.99. campaign.


Admittedly I can be some what of a food snob. For years I boycotted Subway because they didn't have a clue how to make a sandwich and kept asking me what to put on a Spicy Italian when it was their idea to put it on the menu in the first place. Lucy likes it so eventually I just accepted who they were (and I hate going to more than one place for dinner). Then I was anti-Burger King for a whole year because they told me that if they had to give me free food because they messed up my order than they would have to do it for all the customers whose orders they got wrong (which would obviously teach them to get the #@$& thing right in the first place and we can't go around expecting people to learn from their mistakes can we). I lifted the ban because of the invention of the Chicken Fry which was simply too tasty of an idea to ignore.


Back to my point though....if the food is good I'll pay more for it. For example a $20 steak cooked to perfection is a gift from above. A $16 plate of Chicken Marsala with angel hair pasta and fresh vegetables is to die for. I'll even go as far as to say $10 for a fat eat it with a knife and fork double bacon pepper jack and mushroom burger is a steal. Some foods are good no matter what the cost and some foods should only be served at a minimum cost. In this case lobster. When I think lobster I think giant just pulled out of the fresh coastal waters of some local bay boiled with some corn on the cob and potatoes cry because it's so good once in a blue moon LOBSTER. NEVER have I EVER thought man I got 3 bucks and an empty belly. I think I'll go get me some lobster. I wish you could come, but $2 dollars won't get you something this good. No you need to go find you another .99 cents. If you bought your last lobster dinner with money you found in your couch cushions, I hope your insurance premiums are paid up.

The Tupperware Two-Step

Our kitchen is small. "HOW SMALL IS YOUR KITCHEN?!" Our kitchen is so small it makes The Michael Scott Paper Company look like Dunder Mifflin headquarters. Since you can't very well see how far my hands are stretched out....and I can't type with them that way either...let's just say it's the size of McDonald's bathroom minus the urine stains (thank goodness Fred is potty trained).

We live in an older house which was built in a time when only one person (the woman) did anything. Since only one person (the woman) was going to be in there, then only one person (the woman) needed to fit in there. Fast forward 45 years into a very different future and what you have is a meal made with love and mutual respect i.e. by a man and a woman. At first it was a task, but eventually we got the hang of it.

One, two you cut down there while I fry down here
Three, four I'll empty this while you load that
Five, six I spilt the spaghetti let's all pick up sticks.

Growing up I remember a joke about how to tell if an elephant had been in your refrigerator (footprints in the jello). Truth is all these years later as I stare into the far reaches of our icebox I have learned that it wasn't really an elephant after all, just a large footed monkey looking for the grape jelly.

The Fruits Of Labor

When you first think about having children, you immediately begin looking around at all the parents around you. Suddenly strangers in the mall become examples of what you want and what you don't want in terms of the personality of your child. Basic decisions are made as to the values you want to instill in your son or daughter. Things such as spanking (we do), putting a leash on your child (we will never do), and using the T.V as a babysitter (we don't as much as we used to do) all become things you spend months tossing around. No matter how much prep time you put into having a baby though you never really get any sense that all your hard work is producing the right fruit until years after the child has arrived home wrapped tight in that blue and white striped hospital blanket.

Recently as if he got caught up in all that is coming alive around him as Spring takes a hold of us, Fred is sprouting more and more each day. Take this past Easter for example: After church while Lucy and the Gigi prepared the feast, Fred decided that what he wanted to do most in the world was ride up & down the road passing out pennies to our neighbors while making sure to wish them a HAPPY EASTER!

Getting to the bottom of a Happy Meal only to find that he had already gotten the prize once before used to be a bummer, now is a chance to give a gift to a friend. "This one is for Max!" he said with giant smile on his face.

A kiss goodnight was once a request and now it's a gift given to Mommy before bedtime.

Words like Thank you, Please, You're Welcome have taken the place of I WANT THAT!

The best fruit of all though is that which is given in the form of a compliment from his teacher at church or from a mother at a birthday party he was invited too. These are the ones that mean the most simply because it means that he's being polite and good not because we are standing over his shoulder, but because it's who he is. And who is he is, is my favorite thing in this whole world.

Random Thoughts

1. Why does my cat only want attention when I'm getting ready for work and not the day before when I barely left the couch?
2. How much more of a man do I need to be in order to feel like I deserve to eat at Hardee's? I mean come on already we get it. You have big hamburgers and your customers like to eat cheese paper. Back off already.
3. George Carlin hit the nail on the head when he joked that the entire history of the world could be traced back to the need for more stuff. Eve wanted stuff. She wanted the apple. Nomads roamed the world collecting stuff. The Pilgrims came to the New World for more stuff. They fought the Revolutionary War because the British were trying to claim the stuff for their own. Ever week I go to Target to get more stuff and once a year we sale all the old stuff we no longer have room for.
4. Does anybody out there really like butt bread? I mean other than ducks.
5. What is it with the Mini-Statue Of Liberty yard statues? I'm as patriotic as the next guy, but this is one trend I don't get. How about just putting a flag up.
6. Honestly who are the Adam Lambert fans? Are they listening to the same thing I am every week?
7. Who cares that KFC will soon have grilled chicken? The last three times I've gone there they've been out of everything I ordered. Do they really serve chicken at all? Maybe they should change their name to Kentucky Fried Potatoe Wedges, cause that's all they seem to be making plenty of.
8. Can I not see things in 3-D because my eyes are bad or because I know that the 40-foot tall alien that is "shooting at me" is not really real.

This Does Hurt Me More

Today I'm here to prove a cliche. We all grew up hearing our parents say "This hurts me more than it hurts you.", right before they hit you with a belt so big it would bring a smile to the face of Rick Flair as he imagines holding it high above his head. Before we had Fred I always thought this was just something parents said to their kids to justify the beating that was about to take place. After all, what the phrase really says is that "I want you to learn this lesson so badly that I am willing to cause myself pain if it means that maybe just maybe you'll never make this mistake again." As if every swing of the switch simultaneously leaves a visible red mark on the child and a deeper unseen mark on the parent.

As I am now officially the parent of a 3 yr-old I can tell you that while I don't feel every smack on the butt, I definitely am pained before, after, and during the experience. The most painful thing about punishing Fred is that it simply kills my night. All day I spend my time at the office day dreaming about playing cars, tossing the football, playing golf, putting together a puzzle. Not once do I ever think "Man I can't wait to get home and make my child cry all night. What I wouldn't give to sit on my couch and not hear what I'm watching as the sounds of Fred whaling his lungs out echo across the neighborhood." You can't very well head off to the Space & Rocket Center moments after discovering your son took a swing at his "favorite" teacher. Plus...and this may sound wussy, but remember I've worked behind a desk for ten years and have been a part-time freelance writer for 2... it kinda hurts my wrist a little. Even if we pull out the dreaded wooden spoon of pain there's still some wrist action that takes place and typically causes a few aches n's pains.

Instead of "This is going to hurt me more than it will hurt you." maybe everyday I should just wake up go straight to my son and say "Look I know you can't help yourself, but could you pleeease not do anything bad today? I don't want to spank you. I don't want to talk about the bad thing you did with your mother all night. I don't want to hear you scream like you've been shot after only one pat on the but. Basically I don't want you to ruin my night. So before you go out into the great wide open, before you crawl under the class room rug after being told not to, could you please remember your dear old dad and just go make a tower?"

Crap And Other Words I Can't Use No More

Now that we have a 3 year old the time has come in our journey where we learn how fun it is to copy all the things that people say. Sure it's fun to copy something just moments after you hear somebody say it, but it's even more fun to spring the new word or phrase when you least expect it.

Among the words/phrases that Fred has begun throwing out there recently are:

• Crap-this one is all me as I've even caught myself saying it at church


• Stupid-this one got him beat within an inch of his life


• Oh My Gosh- this one has been altered some what and now comes out Oh My Goodness


• What am I going to do now- I think Lucy says this on a regular basis


• Well (pronounced Whale)- the moment Fred is bored with the conversation this is his clue that he's moving on


• I'm the boss- this one disappeared for close to a year, but now for some reason has reared it's ugly head once again.


• I can't do it- another phrase that is heavily discouraged


• Your my best friend- this one gets thrown around a lot and typically gets bestowed on whomever is spoiling him at the moment and not telling him no all day


• We going to do it after later?-this one is automatically thrown at you the moment you tell him no.


• Okay but after later?- comes after the no to the question above

3rd B-Day Pics

Under The Influence

Things have been swirling around our lives lately faster than I dare even try to blog about. I truly believe that if your life isn't a constant mix of coming, going, doing, and seeing than you aren't really living. Don't misunderstand me; I'm the first to scream "I need a break" as I head to the couch for a day of napping/movie watching. Still though now more than ever it seems that we just don't stop until we literally pass out in front of the T.V around Midnight every night. More and more I feel like a weather man attempting to predict what is going to happen next only to change the forecast at the last moment when it's obvious things aren't going to work out like I planned them. Every week brings a new storm or an unexpected event that leaves us feeling....Under The Influence.

Under The Influence Of Career Changes
Lucy began working from home this week. She's still with the same company, but they merged with a larger firm and part of the deal was that she got to move her office into the front room we never use. Meanwhile it seems I changed jobs at the worst possible time and although Accounts Receivable has always been a guessing game, now more than ever it feels like circumstances change with every passing moment. How many days past due should you let a customer go? When is the time to hold all orders? Who will fold under the pressure of the bad economy next? I never stop asking myself these questions.

Under The Influence Of The Thundering Three's
They say the Terrible Two's are the worst time in raising a child, but here a week away from Fred turning three I'm starting to wonder if those that believe that ever managed to survive long enough to see what pending doom lingered just over the horizon. Fred is...is...my favorite part of life, but he's also the most frustrating (he can understand when Diego speaks Spanish, but the words "Come Here" are foreign to him), most terrifying (how many times can one person hit themselves in the head without having a concussion?), most rewarding (last week I was his best friend, this week it's GiGi), most laugh inducing (recently we found ourselves at an auction waiting for a painting to bid on. Fred thought we said something else and began running around the room screaming "WE ARE WAITING ON BIG PANTIES!!), most peaceful (there's nothing like having him fall asleep in your arms while watching an old movie), most guilt inducing (Do I spend too much time working? Are we teaching him enough? Is it ok he only eats goldfish and cheese burgers?) thing I have ever experienced. Some days I want to kiss him. Some days I want to choke him. Some days I find myself wanting to the both within the same half hour. Now that he has discovered my ability to be a Smart Alec I just know we haven't seen anything yet.

Under The Influence Of New Friends
Fred has been making some new friends and the results have not all been positive. This week our son learned the word Stupid. This may not seem like much but after hearing it uttered for a large portion of my life, I'd rather he had learned on of those 7 words that George Carlin was told never to say on TV. On the flip side there are a couple new names on the invitation list for his birthday party (10:00 this Saturday @ the Highland Park COC. It's a cowboy party so don't forget to wear your chaps) which brings me to....

Under The Influence Of God
There for a while I thought maybe we would stop going to church all together. Part of being a christian is realising you are far from perfect and that sometimes without even knowing it you can find yourself in a position which seems a million miles from where you know you should be. We could blame it on a lot of things, but ultimately we were the reasons why we almost quit going to church. We got lazy and stopped working on our spirituality. Thankfully some very nice people never stopped telling us how much we were missed. We are back in church and I know it's God's influence on our lives that has made me happier than I have been in quite some time.

10 Signs Of Aging I Wish I Didn't Have

Once again I find myself in between freelance writing jobs and though at first I welcomed the break, now after only a month I've suddenly discovered that all this extra time has left me feeling a bit old. I'm looking at things differently, hesitating when I used to charge in head first, and dare I say....finally becoming an adult! I decided to list the changes:

1. I'm incredibly excited when I discover my mailbox contains the latest issue of Family Circle.....and not just because of the great recipes either. I'm actually reading the articles.
2. I can't seem to stay awake past 10 without taking a short nap first
3. I'm biting my tongue. I used to see something I thought was wrong or disagreed with and immediately begin telling the offender why they were wrong. Now I simply say something nice and keep my opinion to myself.
4. My DVR is set to record Jeopardy every day.
5. Sunday isn't complete without watching CBS Sunday Morning. I love the nature scenes and the tales of how life used to be.
6. I can't sit the same way too long or my ankle begins to hurt for hours at a time.
7. I'm always watching, reading, or listening to the news and can talk hours about the weather.
8. I'm always barking "WE NEED TO EAT AT HOME AND QUIT RUNNING THE WHEELS OFF THE CAR!"
9. I'm thinking about dying the grey out of my hair.
10. The moment I hear it's 55 or below outside I cancel all my plans and begin telling people I think I'm coming down with something.

Won't You Be My Neighbor...

This past weekend under the cover of darkness our neighbors across the street packed up and slipped away over the horizon. In a lot of ways they were mirror images of us. A hard working, scruffy, easy to get a long with dad. A beautiful wife. A small boy a couple of years older than Fred. A new baby.....okay honestly I'm just romanticising the entire thing. The truth is a Uhaul pulled up in the middle of the day and it took them the entire weekend to leave. The husband was nice, but more so than ever I tend to be a grouch who tells old ladies to mind their own business after they have just commented that the reason Fred is screaming his head off in the mall is because he must be tired. (Like myself and the other thousand people in the food court didn't know that, but hey thanks for making sure everyone within ear shot who wasn't already staring at me became witness to the meltdown). I got the wife part right, but who knows how old the kid was because they left him alone so much that he was practically raising himself anyway. For all I know he's a tall 1 year-old who was wise beyond his years. And no baby announcements here yet for at least a few more months

Neighbors are an important thing. Too nice and they are always over at your house bothering you. Too mean and you end up having to bring in everything that's not cemented into the ground before you go to bed at night. That's why the moment a near by home goes up for sale people immediately begin trying to hand pic who they think has a shot at the place.

"Aunt Lisa is looking."
"No Relatives!" Scratch
"What about that girl from your office?"
"She's goes through men like copier paper" Scratch

Ideally you want your neighbor to be a mirrored version of yourself, but less nosey. I'm a nosey guy and I'll just say it "Sometimes the show going on across the street is better than anything happening on HBO" There's the old guy down the block that refuses to take his medicine which means Fred gets to see an ambulance and a firetruck up close twice a month. The guy that refuses to cut his grass so eventually his wife has to breakdown and do it herself. The old lady with the looser son-in-law who might be a pedophile and must be kept an eye on at all times.

This is why I'm sad to hear that the folks across the street were forced to move. The economy is bad and their fixed payment apparently wasn't that fixed after all. Now instead of tuning in to "Look what they are letting that kid do now!" a new series has just been announced called "What if the new people have teenage boys!!!!"

He Wrote The Songs I Know By Heart

I must have started listening to him back when I was 16. I remember a group of us would all hang out at this old dead end out in the Industrial Park area of Florence just down the road from where I found myself working 15 years later. Ole #7 is what we called it cause it was right next to Tee Jays Plant#7. No matter what else was going on we'd all find ourselves out there at some point on a Saturday night just hanging out and having a good time. Good times and Jimmy go hand in hand so it's no surprise that over the all the laughing and hollering, "Son Of Sailor" could often be heard in the background. I remember Matt Parker and I driving around looking for trouble in his old navy blue pickup truck singing "He Went To Paris".

I forget when I bought my copy of Songs You Know By Heart, but it must have been somewhere between my senior year in high school and freshman year of college. That summer when all I wanted to do was sit at Tommy's lake house drinking anything I could get my hands on. That summer I made my first trip to Margaritaville. I didn't join a fraternity because of which celebrity was also a member, but it was always cool to know that we both shared the same rituals and connections.

Lucy and I would head off towards the beach quite a bit back in our early twenty's and the rule for me was all Jimmy all the way down there. Even now I insist on leaving the station on the Jimmy Buffet channel the whole time we are in Orange Beach, Al. We even stopped in to visit his sister Lulu's restaurant this year and will be back a dozen more times in the years ahead.

Despite the fact that I own a dozen or so of his CD's, I've never seen him play live before. Something I plan on correcting very soon. When telling their stories of how they came to meet somebody famous, most will say they went to their concert, snuck around back, waited for them to come off stage, and the rest is history......I've always been different so it shouldn't be a shocker to hear that this week I met Jimmy Buffet on an airport runway on my lunch break on a Tuesday afternoon. Thanks to my Aunt Lisa who works at the airport. When hearing Jimmy might be flying in (Muscle Shoals has a huge music history and Jimmy has recorded many an album here) she gave me a call on the off chance that I might get close enough to meet him. At first I figured it would never happen and almost didn't show up. Then at the last minute Lucy cancelled our lunch plans and instead of sitting at home for an hour scanning the web for freelance work, I decided I'd rather show up and not see him, than sit at home and not even have a chance.

So there I was along with maybe 10 others, shaking the hand of the man that had pretty much written the soundtrack to my entire life, and there with me was that simple yellow CD cover with the red letters that I bought some 15 years before. Here is the picture I took of Jimmy Buffett. Very soon it along with my signed copy of Songs You Know By Heart will be framed and hung on the wall of my home. Guess I better go buy another copy....

A Blanket Apology

Honestly I'm sorry. I should never have laughed and for that I apologize. It wasn't just me though, your mother was laughing just as hard as I was. In fact she almost fell off the couch. In my defense you guys laugh at me all the time when I talk in my sleep. Of course I've never ate an entire slice of bread while catching an afternoon nap, but hey congrats on multi-tasking. Still, that's where it should have ended. We should have just woke up or at the very least we could have quit laughing.....then just when we thought we had seen it all you slowly reached out once again, grabbed for your snack, and continued eating. Only this time....this time your reach was off a bit and while you lay there dreaming of eating a fresh piece of loaf bread, you were actually chewing on the corner of the blanket....and that's when I laughed so hard I almost wet myself.....again I'm truly sorry....but I tried to wake you up and your mother said no.

New Year's Rejuvenation

This past weekend was supposed to be our New Year's Revolution. For weeks we talked it up. Telling all our friends that we were going to put our recent bad luck behind us by righting all that went wrong on New Year's day. We had planned to eat the traditional foods (hogs jowl, black eye peas, turnip greens), make new resolutions, and even watch the ball drop via You Tube. It was going to be a ceremonial end to our bad Karma......and we never went through with it.

Instead we got up like a family and went to church on Sunday morning for the first time in ages. We sang songs in worship of God. We took the Lord's Supper for the first time this year. Even Fred went through the entire service barely making a peep. Afterward we joined our friends that had been doing everything they could think of to include us in their activities at a birthday party for one of the kids.

No at the end of the day there weren't any streamers or Midnight kisses under a sky full of fireworks, but just the same things feel new again and I have no doubt we did manage to fix what once went wrong.

Me And JD

I wouldn't go as far as saying I'm a huge Scrubs fan, but I have watched it on and off since it premiered 7 or 8 years ago. One problem I've had like others is that it gets moved around the schedule a bunch and I also tend to be the type that stops watching a show the second the story lines don't go the way I want them to. Still I consider it one of my favorites. This season it made the jump to ABC and the show got more of it's heart back. The plots are better, there are less fantasy sequences, and there's some real emotion being mixed in with the floating heads and visits from the Sesame Street muppets.

I may have brought this up before (and really after 305 posts, what haven't I talked about), but during the first few months Fred was born I borrowed seasons 1 & 2 from a friend. Shortly after Fred was born Lucy broke her toe so I took on night duty. For weeks Fred and I would wake up at 2:00 for some milk and a couple episodes of our favorite sitcom. Most of the time I found myself staying up later than he did.

I've been thinking a lot about those days lately and how nice it would be do it all over again one more time. Fred's officially sleeping in his own bed the whole night through now. He's learned to go potty without us even being in the bathroom. Maybe it's time to see what happens next.....

New Year's Revolution

We each have our superstitions; those things we do a certain way every time in order to avoid some cosmic disaster falling upon us. If you step over somebody, you must step back over them in reverse or face a curse. Honking when going under an overpass to scare of the devil. Holding your breath as you pass a cemetery so the ghosts don't get inside you and take over your body. Sitting down together on New Year's day for hogs jowl, turnip greens (or green beans in my case), and black-eyed peas. Each symbolising something, just don't ask me what.

This year we were interrupted just as we were about to sit down by a call to help a friend who was being sent to the ER. The dinner never happened.....since then Pops had a heart-attack(he is now doing fine of course), we were left without a kitchen until we could find somebody to help install our new dishwasher (which Pops says saved his life), the new dishwasher caused our pipes to break (again leaving us without a kitchen), Fred got a stomach virus (which meant we couldn't visit Pops in the hospital), Lucy got a stomach virus, our dryer has broken, the repair people lost our service claim and never showed up, I went from two freelance jobs to one freelance job to no freelance job.....again all minor problems when considering the great issues we face as country (except for Pop's health problems), but frustrating just the same. We think we have found a way to fix things though.....we are taking doing a do-over. A mulligan. Using our free spin. Cashing in our get out of jail free card. Rewinding and Re-living New Years. In the words of Scott Bakula "we are putting right what once went wrong". We are going back to January 1, 2009.

This February 1st, 2009 as the rest of the world gathers around to watch the Super Bowl, my family will be supporting the Steelers while eating our hogs jowl, our turnip greens and green beans, our black-eye peas, and attempting to turn back time in hopes of taking a second crack at starting the year off on the right foot.

What Goes Around Just Came Around

In my last post I mentioned Fred was sent home with a stomach virus and how we were praying we wouldn't catch it...well we didn't, but Lucy did and boy did she ever. It's now late Tuesday and although the waves of nausea stopped late last night, she is still feeling the effects of one of the worst stomach viruses we've seen in ages. It looks like we aren't the only ones that have felt it's wrath either, our friends Jules-N-Jud also went around with it. Trust me if you see this thing coming run the other way! Oh and speaking of name dropping do yourself a favor and check out my new pal Clayton's blog at Walking The Dog. Dude is writing the kind of stuff I wish I could find time for.

Yes...I'd Like To Schedule Puke For This Saturday

Kind of an odd title I know, but that exact phrase went through my head today as I was picking up Fred early from school. It seems that just about the time Pops got the news that he could go home after his successful heart surgery, Fred started a session of up-chucking that can only mean he's caught the stomach virus that is going around. When you are new at a job, and your the boss, and you only have 5 vacation days compared to the 15 you had at your old job, and you just received 10 days off in which nobody got sick....the last thing you want is to have to burn a day puking your guts out. So what you do is immediately attempt some type of negotiation with the powers that be.

"Dear Lord, please if I must get sick give me the strength to make it to Friday afternoon before the virus hits me. I mean I'm just asking for one day and I promise I will gladly claim my spot next to the toilet bowl."

I'll let you know Monday if he accepted my offer.

Heart, Soul, And Thoughts Of The Unknown

This past weekend Lucy's dad Aka Pops suffered a major heart attack while attempting to help me install our new dishwasher. Lucy and I have both mentioned this on our Facebook pages and before I go any further I want to thank the countless friends who have gone far far out of their way with everything from offers to watch Fred, tons of prayers, and helping us get our kitchen back to something we can function in. Thankfully Pops will be fine with some help and after a quick surgery planned for Wednesday morning, he should be getting close to coming home. That doesn't mean things will return to normal though.

Other than the obvious changes in Pop's lifestyle which will include kicking that cigarette habit and working some exercise into his routine, things may never be the same for any of us who were around him that day. First off there's the guilt. Guilt over fixing him that big breakfast loaded with his favorite country ham. Guilt over asking for his help to install the dishwasher. Guilt for the years spent depending on him to always be there. Obviously this is all silly and in the end does nobody any good, but still the "What If's" have suddenly crept upon us all.

Just that morning we found ourselves under the kitchen sink covered in grime. Men in our natural habitat. I mentioned we were talking about having another baby and asked if he had heard. As it turns out he had and wondered what my thoughts were on the subject.....somehow we got distracted before I could answer, but I now believe that if I'd gotten back to the topic my answer would have been vastly different from my thoughts on the subject later that night. Something about being in that hospital, wondering it's long halls looking for a tucked away coke machine, the uncomfortable chairs, and the smell of sanitizer reminded me of all the great things that took place the last time I spent hours there.

We are all looking at ourselves differently in the mirror. Not to dare say we are overweight, no it's more a look of fear. Fear for what may be going on inside us that we aren't aware of. Every little pop and pain that we have convinced ourselves is nothing more than part of the aging process, is now something we are considering having looked at. Personally I wonder how my heart is holding up under 250lbs of bacon, pork chops, and double quarter pounders with cheese. My ankle has been killing me for months and I swear the second Pops is back home and safe, I'm going to have it looked at. During those hours waiting to get the latest news on how he was progressing, I took a sleep apnea test that was on the back of a well placed brochure...turns out I have all 5 symptoms.

We are severely lacking in the emergency prep department. Lucy took off with Pops in the car leaving her cell phone behind. I struggled to remember what hospital they were going to. Gigi didn't have a clue what Nani's number was so Maynard (Lucy's boss and Fred's new uncle) was asked to watch Fred while Gigi tried to find what happened to her family which had not called in almost an hour.

Over the past couple of days a million thoughts have ran through every one's mind. What if he had not shown up to help us that day? What if he had been by himself? What will we ever do without him. What happens next? I wish I could say I knew, but the only answer I know for sure is the one that follows the question of : Will I ever take life for granted again? No....among my prayers every night is the small request that I never forget how quickly things can change.

Sing Me A Song About Tacos

Ever since his first big boy haircut several weeks ago (Sadly the curls are off. Once Santa thinks you are a girl it's time for a change) Fred has been going through some changes that don't all revolve around his appearance. The most interesting of which is his increased vocabulary. Suddenly he's adding words and phrase to his repartee that I never thought I would hear him say.

• "Not a commercial Daddy! I don't like commercials!" "Sorry, but not everything we watch is TiVo'd"


• "This meal is delicious! These are my favorite!"

Everything now seems to have a musical quality to it and follow a verse of some sort.

• I like tacos tacos tacos. I like tacos tacos tacos. I want some tacos pleaseeeeee


• I want to watch Wall-E in my roooom in my roooom. I want to watch Wall-E in my rooom


• I need to PeePee PeePee PeePee. I need to PeePee please take me right now. Gotta go to the bathroom and PeePee PeePee PeePee

Oh and every time we are in public he starts singing Happy Birthday to some random person. He's so convincing that people actually believe it's that persons birthday.

• "Happy Birthday Mommy! Happy Birthday Mommy! Happy Birthday to you!"

Too bad I can't seem to get him to do that last one whenever we are at a resturant. I love free birthday cake.

He Said What This Christmas!!!

Welcome to Charlie Blockhead and Happy New Year!!! I'm so excited about this coming year and all that it may bring (a new baby is even being discussed/planned for the later half of 2009....it really just depends on who you talk to...I say discussed and Lucy says planned. So there you go...) I'm also completely stoked because this very post you are reading right here is number 3-0-0 for the ole'blockhead and though I haven't been posting much lately, I feel a second wind coming on strong. First and foremost I gotta get Christmas behind me. So without further ado here is the obligatory Christmas post. Hopefully I'll get some pics up before the end of the week.

HE SAID WHAT THIS CHRISTMAS!

1. Please no more presents! I tired.
2. I want my hat....I want my apron....Daddy....I want to cook.
3. I am tired of waiting on Santa!
4. A kiss to the forehead of Uncle Brock.(Technically not a talky but as they say actions speak louder than words)
5. You're not Mommy. You're Mommy DooDoo.
6. Daddy we don't say Mommy DooDoo no more!
7. Christmas is over! No more lights? No more presents?
8. I don't want to go to no more stores!
9. I think he just ricocheted that bouncy ball off that baby's head.(Charlie)
10. I don't want to see Santa. Santa you stay way over there and I stay over here...I WANT A MICKEY MOUSE RACETRACK FOR CHRISTMAS!

The Things I Take For Granted

Freedom Love Peace Silence Chocolate Laughter First Smiles First Words First Loves.Toys on Christmas morning. A McDonalds on every corner. Java Chillers. Tivo. Not having to wash your clothes at a 24 hr laundry mat in the middle of the night. Planes Trains And Automobiles.Family, Friends, and football games.Long distance phone calls to the ones we love.Warm sunny days doing nothing but reading a book by the pool.A job that pays all the bills and leaves extra to save for trips to the zoo. Time. Sausage balls. Quiet nights in a room lit by the soft glow of a Christmas tree. Coloring with your favorite child. Chinese Food. 299 Charlie Posts. Double Quarter Pounders. The internet. Health, Car, and Home insurance. Pecans dropping from a tree in the back yard. Good teachers and a fantastic daycare. God, Grandparents, and Good Fellowship. Kitty Cats and Puppies. Central Heat and Air. Long days spent fishing along a river bank. A few hours alone on a golf course. New sweaters and old sweatshirts. A good couch perfect for afternoon naps. Time to live and not to work.....Lucy, Fred, Nani, Gigi, Broccoli, Granny, Grandpa, MawMaw, PawPaw, Pops, Poppa, and Mo.

The one thing I plan to to do this coming week....enjoy life and remember all I have been blessed with.

Ornamental Disaster

I'm feeling really guilty about not posting much lately, but the holidays are simply taking their toll. This year just seems to be more chaotic than most and with that comes tons of stress. I thought that cutting back on my freelance work would help ( I now just write for PetSource.Org), but other things have take that space....it seems that we are so busy getting ready for Christmas that we are forgetting to celebrate it. Today I heard Lucy wish a few people Merry Christmas and it occurred to me that the phrase had not entered my vocabulary yet this year.....then there are the outside decorations.

Since Lucy and I were married on December 1st 2001, we long ago decided that on each anniversary instead of a gift for each other we would buy something new for the yard. A few lighted trees, some twinkling snowmen, this year we added a great looking sleigh which we painted black and white. The plan was too position the reindeer we bought last year to look as if they were pulling it....but then the rainy season started and our deer seem to constantly be laying down on the job.

We don't normally have a rainy season, in fact up until a month ago my part of Alabama was in the midst of a drought. After 3 straight weeks of wind, rain, sleet, and snow the Drought of '08' is officially history. As a consequence the wind simply cannot help itself from leveling everything standing in the front of the house included the above mentioned deer and lighted trees. The ground is simply too wet to anchor anything into the ground and what we have ended up with is a neighborhood full of lazy Santa's and sleepy Snowmen. If I didn't know better I would swear a band of Christmas hating teenagers had taken a beating to the entire community.

Merry Christmas!!!

Help! I've Been Lincoln Logged And Can't Get Up!

If you've got kids than you know the joys of walking through the house barefoot only to discover that Batman's Bat-a-rang actually does make an effective weapon if used properly. What may seem like tiny harmless bits of plastic suddenly become appendage altering landmines placed around the house in some type of shotgun pattern. The result is you begin to walk differently. Instead of long strides you learn to march like a soldier except you never let more than the tips of your toes touch the ground. Pretty soon you become so used to trying to avoid ending the life of what was otherwise a very nice foot, that you begin to walk like this every where you go. People at the mall see you walk past like Elmer Fud sneaking up on that Wascally Wabbit and instinctively they understand you are with Toddler.

Over the past couple of years I've had the misfortune of stepping on Legos, Hot Wheels, action figures, tiny trains, sunglasses, and every Happy Meal toy produced since 2006. You could say I was a connoisseur of toy related foot pain. I've been hurt by the worst and lived to tell...until we got the bright idea to introduce Fred to Lincoln Logs. What was meant for building is really just a tube full of wooden bats and pin cushions. Nothing and I mean NOTHING has ever hurt more than stepping on those tiny wooden Lincoln Logs while making my way to the bathroom in the middle of the night. But what is a guy going to do throw away every toy that his son has just because they have almost sent him to the E.R. twice? Yes....but I had his permission. After stepping on one of the little #$%&#'s himself he cried "Take them away Daddy!!! Please take them awwwaayyyy"

Leftover Turkey

As you no doubt noticed I took a break from blogging to clear the spider webs from my brain and recharge. Here are some pics from the Thanksgiving Holidays. Enjoy!

Watching For Curve Balls

Being the brother of a former little league baseball star and a close person friend of a friend of Josh Willingham, I've heard enough about curve balls to tell you exactly how they operate. I've been told that the first thing you learn is that they start off looking like your typical pitch. As if in slow motion the pitcher begins his windup, the arm comes back, slowly extends forward, and you immediately think "Hey no problem. I got this one." Then suddenly as you swing with all your might instead of the sweet sound of wood meeting leather....the balls dips and falls just out of reach.

I've been thinking a lot about curve balls lately and how they relate to so much that is happening with myself and those around me. Speaking strictly from my own recent experiences I can tell you that it's almost too easy not expect today to be just like yesterday and tomorrow to carbon copy the days before.....we all enjoy our routines, but the fact is that we become so used to their existence that when something outside our daily expectations does occur it often leaves us still staring towards the fences looking for the ball that has long passed us by.

As I mentioned I'm not the only one that has seen a curve ball slip past them and change the way they see the world recently. And just the same I hope I'm not the only one that understands regardless of where we end up and what situation we find ourselves in, there are still things to be thankful for no matter how large or small. I think the trick is to remember that no matter what goes wrong you still get another chance to step up to the plate and take another swing.....who knows maybe this time you'll get the pitch you want.

To all those who have been caught off guard by a well placed curve ball, Happy Thanksgiving from Fred, Lucy, and Charlie. You are in our thoughts.......

Four Little Toothbrushes

Four little toothbrushes all in a row,

Which one was in his mouth I'll never know.

Four little toothbrushes all soaking wet,

How they got that way I haven't figured out just yet.

Four little toothbrushes surrounded by bubbles,

One little boy looking like he just commited some trouble.

Four litte toothbrushes one of which was mine,

Looks like I'll be buying a new one before morning time.

I Can Dance If I Want To!

I never danced at my prom....never even went....I think I hung out in the parking lot with a bunch of other geeks making fun of people going in and out secretly wishing I was one of them. The only time I ever danced in college was after I had taken a trip to Boonesville population me. I remember our whole wedding as one long dance from the moment they hit play on the CD of songs we spent months hand picking. The soft steps of Lucy walking down the isle. The two of us jumping up and down once we finally made it home as we tried desperately to get all the bird seed off of us. As far as something choreographed and planned....I'd never committed to it. Till I got the call one afternoon.

It was a couple months before the wedding and I was desperate to help in any way I could think. They got the idea from some show on TLC and more out of a feeling of obligation Broccoli wanted to make sure I knew I could join in. Ever on the look out for possible hurt feelings he added that he didn't think I would say yes, but wanted to include me just the same. Now I'd like to say that sometimes you do things not because of personal gain, but for what others can gain from your actions. Truth be told after the first practice my reasons did change to something more along the lines of "This is my gift to you on your wedding day". I wish I could say that was the reason I called him back immediately after saying no in the first place....but the truth is I'm just too stubborn for my own good and I wasn't about to let somebody tell me they didn't think I would do something. The way I saw it I had been robbed of my ability to make the decision for myself by having it included with the request. So because of stubbornness and later because of what it would mean to him...and because it had been so long sense we had bonded over anything....I agreed to dance. Not just dance, but practice.

I practiced in the living room while Fred begged me to quit. I practiced at the office on my way back from the copier. I met the guys in the group and practiced after church on Wednesday nights at a Ballet studio downtown. I ran through the routine at all hours of the day all the while keeping it a secret from as many people as possible in order to ensure it's shock value. Until finally after all the I Do's and I Love You's had been said...the DJ stopped the music and the dance began. Click here to see the Brothers Blockhead Live For The First Time!

P.S. I'm the one in the second row on the far right corner of the the screen. Hey nobody said I had to be good.

The One Thing You Should Never Say At Church!

I'm still trying to catch you guys up on all the wedding stories and before I post the video (yes there is a video!) I wanted to tell you about THE ONE THING YOU SHOULD NEVER SAY AT CHURCH! I always find it funny how stressful those moments before a wedding can be. The Bride and Groom are running around making sure everyone knows what they are supposed to be doing. The photographer wants everyone to stand here, the wedding planner demands everyone be as this place at this time, everyone is wondering why they didn't just elope.

It's in these moments of mass hysteria that some of the funniest lines are said out of exasperation. For example......

We were less than two hours from show time and the Nani was desperately looking for something that Broccoli just had to have. As I mentioned the groom is being tugged, pulled, and twisted in every direction and the last thing he has time for is for something to go missing. Now Nani decided she had a pretty good idea as to where the meaningless item was, but didn't want to run all the way out to the car and it not be there. So she began describing to Broccoli where she thought it was except it was in something she couldn't quite bring herself to say out loud.

"Where is it?"
"In the trunk of the car"
"Where in the trunk of the car?"
"In that box!"
"What box?"
"The box in my trunk!"
"I'm telling you I want to know exactly where it is so I don't get all the way out there and waste time digging around! Which box?"
"The square one!"

Finally out of desperation Nani said what she had been trying to say all along.....
"You want me to get the Box of Whoop Ass?"

Now in her defense Whoop Ass just happens to be the name of the company that made the Bobble Head dolls Broccoli had made up of each of the groomsmen, but still the fact that she said that in the middle of church is something I will never forget.

Speaking of Bobble Heads, here is me with mine:

Will The Best Man Please Come To The Microphone?

What a loooong week it's been. The new job took a few twists and turns that nobody would have ever predicted hence I'm just now getting to talk about Broccoli and Brooklie's wedding which took place allll last weekend. I'll be sharing stories for a few posts yet to come, but I wanted to start with a true highlight of the entire event...my best man speech. Hope you like it!

"Living in a small town as we do at least once a week I run into somebody that knows both Brock and I, yet have never made the connection that we were related. When it does click, their response is always the same: “You’re Brock Beck’s brother (arms showing off imaginary muscles), but you’re so (arms making a large stomach motion)” In fact many of you today are probably just now discovering he has one.

As far as brothers go it’s no secret Brock and I are completely different. While over the years we have gone our separate ways, we’ve always done our best to stay in touch and believe it or not we do have a lot of things in common.

We both love our mother very much! The reason we are who were are and have what we have…in my case a beautiful wife, a fantastic son….your new life with Brooke which you’ll share with all here today to see the two of you come together…we owe it all to the sacrifices she made so we would have better future.

Other things we have in common: While growing up Brock played many sports from Basketball to Baseball and…I went to hockey game once.

You may not know this, but growing Brock and I shared the ability to make ourselves invisible of course we could only activate it the instant we heard the sound of a lawnmower being cranked.

Believe or not we both enjoy reading….no wait that’s just me…. We enjoy a nice pair of cowboy boots….no not really … I’ll just move on.

More importantly one thing we definitely share as well as the other men in our family is the ability to marry well. I don’t know how we do it but all of us from Grandpa Beck To PawPaw Hamm have somehow managed to find women who are not only beautiful but have ammmmmaaaazzzing amounts of patience. Women who have proven time and again that they are willing to follow us around the world and back based on the promise that one day we will settle down and devote our lives to making them happy. Which brings me to why we are here today…..

Brock as your older brother I feel I need to let you in on one the great secrets of marriage. No matter what happens from this point forward the most important thing you can do as a husband is cherish. Cherish every night spent alone with your wife, every long drive to see your family for the holidays, every second of laughter and moment of sadness. Brock and Brooke as we stand here today surrounded by friends and family we wish you all the happiness in the world and that you both realize how lucky you are to have found one other."

Excuse Me While I Adjust To The Time Change

I know everyone is just dying to hear about Broccoli's wedding that took place this past weekend, but so much took place that it will take me a few days to sort through it all. Plus I start the new job in morning and I've got all kinds of prep I've got to do in terms of how exactly my schedule is going to pan out (who thought that not calling your mother and wife every morning at 8:10 and 8:30 would be such a big deal). Hopefully I'll have the speech I gave and a video or two to share with you by the end of the week. For now I want to talk time change.

I know I talk about how insane the notion of changing the clocks is every year, but this time it has scarred my family for life. The below conversation took place this afternoon as Lucy was picking up Fred after work in what is now night time:

"Mommy why you not pick me up till dark outside?"
"Oh baby, this is the same time I pick you up everyday."
"But it dark out....Where's the moon?"
Scrambling for a way to let Fred know she didn't forget him while at the same time describing the demon time change she cleverly came up with "The moon is right there! Mommy would never forget you! You see when it starts getting cold outside the sun goes away and the moon comes out sooner!"
"Ooooooh ok!"

Thankfully he was happy with her answer although you just gotta know he was thinking we forgot him today.

Now A Break For Our Sponsor: TANG!

I bring you this break in our normally scheduled wedding, new job, fatherhood talk to bring you a word from our sponsor: TANG!

Actually I just needed a break so I could rant about the existence of NASA. I understand the importance of a thousand satellites circling the globe allowing me to keep up with the World Series of Backgammon on my cell phone, but other than that do we really need NASA for anything else? I mean couldn't we use the trillions of dollars being spent everyday to see if the Red Planet is just like Val Kilmer said it would be on something like finding a cure for our massive homeless problem? I mean we literally have people living on the streets and yet we constantly spend gabillions on shuttle launches so we can figure out why space smells like chicken-fried steak. Furthermore I could care less about the moon and truly believe that it's main function is serve as a nightlight for those too cheap to spend five bucks to make their kids feel safe at night and to give dogs something to howl at after a long day of playing chase their tail. To the upcoming president elect all I ask is that you forget all about the planets, space aliens, and the final frontier and please focus on finding intelligent life here on Earth instead. Then again considering our choices come November 4th maybe I should be asking somebody else....

Now I take you back to blah blah blah

But Baby It's Cold Outside....

No this isn't a post about how Lucy has a habit of asking me to step out the side door and into our adjoining laundry room to put the clothes in the dryer at 11 o'clock at night even though I've got nothing on but a pair of boxers and a smile. The title comes from the new sentence we are constantly saying to Fred every morning as we try our best to get him to wear pants to school.

I'm really wondering how people handle more then one, because lately our one is not wanting to do anything we ask him to. "Wear this please." "NO I WANT TO WEAR MICKEY MOUSE!" "Let me help you get in the car so we can leave sometime before the end of tomorrow." "NO I DO IT!" "Please put on this very expensive outfit so you won't embarrass us at Uncle Broccoli's wedding." "I WANT TO WEAR ELMO!"

At this point after several conversations with Broccoli I have no doubt he could care less what Fred wears to the wedding. In fact I think he could run down the isle naked and he wouldn't care (Fred not Broccoli....then again he probably wouldn't care about that either.....Broccoli not Fred). Which is good because we may have to wait to the last minute to put the thing on him and if he gets away from Lucy then it just very well may happen.

"But Baby It's Cold Outside..." is what we are constantly saying to Fred as the reasons why he can't wear shorts all day and all night. Bribery doesn't work, forcing him doesn't work, so far begging is only doing a so so job. Knowing full well we are simply dealing with a miniature version of ourselves, Lucy and I are trying to remain patient as this stage hopefully passes us by. Yet all the patience in the world can't make us stop cringing whenever it's time to get Fred to do something he doesn't want too.....on a some what related note I can no longer remember what we did with all our spare time before we had a child. I remember getting married, then sleeping, then......saying "Because I said so!" over and over again. Was I in a coma?

Look Out For That Fork In The Road!!!!

Here comes another turning point.....a fork stuck in the road....time has grabbed me by the wrist and is directing me where to go....

No I'm not announcing the end of Charlie Blockhead, in fact due to some major changes just over the horizon I may have more time than ever to post. After almost 6 yrs with Anderson Press Inc, I was recently offered a supervisors position at Whitesell Corp. Thanks to a mysterious envelope containing an advertisement for a job already filled and featuring nada in the way of a return address, I have somehow found the next step in my path to the top of the corporate ladder. With only the words "Apply Now" written in pencil at the top, the no named sender somehow convinced me to send in my resume. It wasn't until half way through the interview that I realized it was for a supervisor's position and not a lonely account analyst's job.

Though I'll miss a ton of things about Anderson Press including the great discount I got on coloring books, the new job is 3 minutes from home and Fred's daycare compared to the half hour trip I'm used to. This means more time at home and more time to spend posting. We'll save on gas, food, and the new job comes with a paid country club membership....yes I'm bragging a little, but I'm ultra excited.

Of course with any new job major challenges come with the change in atmosphere. New employees to get used to. New software to learn. New goals to reach for. I've been around long enough to know it won't be easy at first, but eventually I'll make the job my own and get the hang of things. For now I'm mainly focusing on Broccoli's wedding, wrapping up the loose ends at Anderson Press, and getting Fred to wear his official ring bearers uniform which may take a visit from Mickey Mouse himself to pull off.

If you're reading this ye ole mysterious mailer of classified ads....your good dead will not be forgotten and will be passed on to another very soon.

Have You Met My Invisible Child?

It's funny to think about all the things you never thought you would catch yourself doing in those pre-child years. Saturday Lucy and I went to a wedding shower for Broccoli (only 3 weeks away!) and Fred spent the night with the GiGi (I know two weekends in a row!). Once it was all over and we had stopped for a double cheeseburger and tots at Sonic, we headed home to enjoy some quiet time. Within minutes of walking in the door, Lucy was on the computer and I was curled up on the couch. I remember being a teenager and as most teenage boys do I dreamed about a time when I would have a girl all to myself with nobody around to stop us from doing what boys and girls do....never once did those dreams involve me falling asleep watching a Spiderman Cartoon marathon. Funny enough when I woke up at 1 A.M. she was on the other couch and had apparently dosed off watching the second half of Spidey. I don't remember saying to myself "Hey a Spiderman Marathon! Coool!" I honestly think that Fred has gotten us so used to watching nothing but cartoons that I just didn't realize there was anything else on.

Parenting is a thing of balance. Let the kid get his way too often and he gets spoiled and refuses to do what you say. Get too strict with him and you rob him of the joys of childhood. After battling our out of control child for a couple days last week I found myself arguing with a person that had been out of my sight for at least two hours Thursday morning. Fred and I went back and forth all morning through getting dressed, on the way out the door, and up until the point that I turned him over to those beautiful people at the Hill. When mom called a few hours later it hit me I had continued the argument during my drive to the office and had been talking out loud to my invisible child since I dropped him off. I still lost the argument.....

When We Were Young And Infinite

Lucy and I try to get out sans child at least once a month. Now that Fred is older he has discovered the joys of staying away from home and being able to get away with absolute murder. Typically our nights alone follow a distinct path: A long drawn out goodbye to Fred. The type you might see on if you were on the Love Boat and heading out into the great wide open. People tossing handkerchiefs, blowing kisses, and waving goodbye until their loved ones are out of sight. Followed by a quick change of clothes, dinner at a restaurant that we'd never take Fred to not because he would misbehave, but because they are often so tiny you wonder why they would try to put a Chili's in a bathroom closet, a nice long stroll around Target, followed by both of us falling asleep on our favorite couches.....I know....it just screams old fogies.

Last Friday things were a bit different thanks to my new friends Nick & Norah. It could have been that we were inspired by a theater full of giddy teenagers or that it had been so long since we actually sat down together to watch anything remotely romantic we simply discovered what had been missing....whatever it was, at some point during the couples adventures through the streets of New York, Lucy and I remembered what it was like to be 17 again. We held hands and we laughed. We ewwed and awwwed at the right moments and pretended to be like the carefree teens giggling all around.

After a brief trip to Target afterward (had to have the soundtrack!), we left our disguises on and drove around town listening to our favorite songs, singing along loud and proud, and did something we hadn't done in quite some time.....we enjoyed each others company. Not to say we don't love one another deeply, but after day in and day out of acting like some one's parent it's hard not to treat everyone like they are two year's old and out of control. In that car covered in the glow of the dashboard lights, we drove down the city streets listening to our own playlist and remembering the infinite memories of our life together. And in the morning as we picked Fred up and prepared for the inevitable battle over "Who he thinks he is all of a sudden!", we did our best to remember the night before while silently making promises to keep those teenage costumes we donned hours early in hopes that they might be wore again more often.