The Truth Is Out There

For the past month my family and I have been going through something earth shattering. Something life changing. Something that caused us to do some major soul searching. Up until last night only a couple close family members (Gigi & Nani) were aware of what we were going through. The past four weeks have been some of the hardest in our lives and it has brought us much closer to God then we ever knew we could be. I must say that this challenge was also complicated by the passing of Buttons our beloved pet and Mandy going to real estate school. Now finally we are ready to share.

First though the We Are Nots:
*No we are not pregnant.
*No we are not sick.
*No we are not getting a divorce.

What we are doing is moving. After 10 years of living in a house that used to seem as big as the Taj Mahal, it is time to start the next chapter in our lives. Pops has been more than gracious over the years, first inviting us to live here in his childhood home for a small portion of rent which was more like a maintenance fee, and then always assuring us that we would never have to worry about someplace to live. It was during the first week of this month that we all looked around and realized maybe it was time to move on. To re-evaluate what we all wanted and what the future could be. Suddenly an opportunity arose that was simply too good to pass up.

There's no need to talk about the particulars of the deal, lets just say soon we will be applying for our first home buyers loan. The new home will have 4 bedrooms, 3 full bathrooms, a very large yard, walk in closets, a laundry room that does not require you to step outside to access, and a kitchen that you can stand in the middle of and stretch out your arms as far as they can go without touching the opposite walls. Plus there will be a place for Gigi as long as she wants to stick around.

We are excited about this new place but of course we can't help but be sad a little as we prepare to leave our very first home. If it were not for Pops and the gift he as given us by letting us stay here over the years we would have missed out on so many great things the most important of which was all the precious time Mandy was able to spend with the boys due to being able to work part-time without worrying about a large house payment. We are so blessed.

Tonight's Chips Off The Ole Blockhead:
# Madonna played the Super Bowl tonight. I really can't stand her, but will say it wasn't half bad. I remember when she used to be considered a controversial entertainer. Now she might as well be Betty White up there singing show tunes.

# I keep seeing things made with crumbled bacon. Bacon never lasts long enough around me to have a chance be crumbled and put into something else.

Buttons Beck: The Great Main Coon Kitty

Today we put Buttons to rest. It was time. The Vet took one look at him and agreed that he had some major health issues. If Adam remembers him at all when he's older it will be that of a mean old cat that use to hiss and try to scratch him every time he walked into the room. Just last year he weighted 16 pounds. Today he was down to only 8. He scratched me down my arm one last time while I was getting him out of the carrier. I'm not upset. He was scared. It may sound weird but I'm fine with it not healing for awhile. I think I understand why people get tattoos. A few years back he put a 3 inch long scar on my chest. Suddenly I don't mind it so much.

He was 14 yrs old and for a long time there he was my very best friend. A house gets lonely when you're the only one in it. Mandy would be working late at the grocery store. It would just be me and my kittens Buttons & Sassy waiting for her to get home while watching late night TV. I buried him beside her under the pecan tree outside. I've already started telling the kids stories of the mighty Buttons that could jump higher than Adam is tall. He was the biggest cat in the land! He was a good listener.

Sure I'm sad, but mostly I feel old and depressed. 14 years is a very long time. It feels like I'm officially putting an end to my teenage ways, the trench coat of adulthood has finally covered me and at this particular moment it feels very heavy. Change is still in the air and it's going to be a long time before things start feeling normal again.

To Everything Turn Turn Turn

Right off the bat 2012 felt like the season of change and while that has definitely been the case so far what with Mandy starting real estate school, some changes have thrown us a bit of a curve. For the moment one of the most unexpected is the likely passing of our cat Buttons.

The story of Buttons the main coon cat starts back in September of 1998. Mandy and I had just moved into our first apartment and did what most kids our age did in that we simply went whichever direction the wind took us. That meant instead of going down the street to visit the little old lady that had placed an ad in the local newspaper to pick out a kitten for my birthday, we ended up with two. There they were curled up next to each other in a tight little ball, Mandy reaching for soon to be called Sassy and I the future Buttons. It took us two seconds to decide to take them both home.

For the longest they were our children. We took videos of them, tons of pictures, played with them constantly, bragged to our friends what our crazy pets had done the night before. We used to buy them Christmas stockings every year full of catnip toys.

When we first found out Mandy was pregnant our old children very quickly turned transformed into house cats. We tried our best to prep them for the arrival of Adam. I even ordered a cd off the web that featured babies laughing, crying, throwing tantrums in hopes of getting them used to the noise. Sadly it didn't take....Sassy who was always the princess of the house quickly lost her mind. One day within that first month we turned our back for one second and found her trying to sleep on Adam's face while he lay in his swing. Buttons took a swing at him. Things kinda went down hill from there and eventually Sassy went completely off the deep end. Soon she became sick and very erratic. We were forced to make some tough decisions.

We took Sassy's passing pretty hard. Looking back it was as if she represented a part of our youth that had suddenly vanished. For 7 years it had just been the cats and Mandy and I. Suddenly we had a house, and a new baby, and this payment, and that full time job, and....it all seemed to happen overnight.

Buttons the cat will turn 14 this year and it looks like very soon he will be leaving us. He's deaf, has lost a ton of weight, and is having bladder issues. He hates everyone at this point. This new life is too loud for him, we move too fast, stomp too much, and he's constantly being forced to find a new hiding place. Mandy and I know we should probably do the right thing, but for the moment he's comfortable.

The season of change is just beginning.

Tonight's Chips Off The Old Blockhead:
# It was nice to just lay around the house all day and take catnaps. We cleared some room from the DVR and Adam scored 7 points in his 3rd basketball game this morning.

# The best thing about living in a small town is bumping into old and new friends everywhere you go. The worst thing about living in a small town is bumping into old enemies everywhere you go.

Taking the night off

We got some really good news today which I can't share other than to say God is so good. Half of a huge weight has been lifted off our shoulders, a lot of prayers were answered, and now we just have to wait for the other shoe to drop. The big difference being that we now have a safety net to catch us and may decide to go ahead and jump into it instead of waiting for what seems like is going to be the inevitable. This weekend it all about rest and relaxing though so no Chips Off The Ole Blockhead tonight. We'll talk again tomorrow.

The First Closing

As a Deacon in the Church of Christ it is my honor to pull together enough members required to put on a proper service. This could mean anywhere from 5-13 people depending on which service we are talking. I've been doing it for about a year so while it can be hectic gathering that many people in less than 10 minutes, I'm fairly good at it and I enjoy it. Part of the process means I occasionally ask those willing to serve to step out of their comfort zone and lead a prayer or read scripture. As a sign that I too am willing to make those same steps, I try to at least put myself in that same uncomfortable position once a month.

For the first time ever I lead closing prayer this morning. Here's what it sounded like:

Dear Heavenly Father, we come to you today in remembrance of the sacrifice you made of your son on that cross at Calvary. Dear Lord we come to you as a family. A family that shares in the ups and downs of life. A family that can't help but to smile as we look around the room and see all the others that have decided to join us in such great fellowship today. A family that offers this prayer today for those that are unable to attend or are no longer with us. We are family that worships together. A family that hurts together....some spiritually some physically...some have been mentioned...some have not. Lord we ask that you lift them up, ease their sorrows, and if need be open their hearts to the wonders that only you can provide. May we all come together to share in your glory once again at the appointed time. Amen

Afterward Adam who just seconds before refused to stand still, ran up to me to show me what he was doing as I was in front of the congregation. As I rolled my eyes and said there's no telling, he stood perfectly straight, bowed his head, and closed his eyes....some prayers are instantly answered.

Tonight's Chips Off The Ole Blockhead:
# I will once again attempt to get up and start exercising in the morning. My co-workers may be getting tired of hearing me yawn so much in the morning, so I thought I'd try to get up 30 mins earlier and get the blood flowing better.
# Tonight we watched Mr. Poppers Penguins. Great family movie, although I thought the ending would have been better had he turned The Tavern On The Green into a penguin sanctuary like that duck hotel in Nashville.
# I also saw the movie Faster with the Rock. For some reason I can't shake wondering what happened to that guy once he killed all those that were responsible for his brother's death. Once you get your revenge what do you do with the rest of your life?

The Best Laid Plans

Since I'm in day 3 of 365 days of posting, some of this stuff is going to be completely random.

I started back to work today and as much as I talked yesterday about missing it to a certain extent, I did figure one thing out i.e. my back problems are magnified by my chair at work. Not to say the chair is directly responsible for my left arm going numb the moment I sit down, but it had almost gone away and now it's back to it's pre-holiday condition.

As a parent work brings about all kinds of issues. The first one to smack me in the face this morning was the list of things I wish I had done with the boys during the holiday season. Of course there is never enough time to do all that we want, but that doesn't stop me from daydreaming of all that cool times that could be had if given another day off.

There are going to be days when you can make up for lost time the moment you walk in the door...then there are those days when no matter what you've got planed the child is just not going to cooperate. Today's dream was taking Adam to the church gym to get in a little extra basketball practice before his 1st game next Monday. It was to be a father son moment made in heaven. Just a family hanging out shooting some baskets. In reality he started throwing a fit almost immediately, would only listen for 3 seconds at a time, and finally after 10 minutes he threw himself on the ground consequently bumping his head on the floor, and started screaming he had been pushed. Practice cancelled. Daydream crushed.

To rub salt into the wound he did all of this within earshot of the ladies exercise class who were nice enough to promise not to call the authorities all the while chuckling between sit-ups. Needless to say somebody is going to bed early tonight(probably 4 somebodies)

Tonight's random thoughts

• My dashboard says I've been posting for 6 years! How in the world do I know if I'm repeating my title's or not?



• I've always thought that my mother was born on Feb 29th during a leap year. That we only celebrate her birthday on the 28th so she won't have to wait another 4 years for a free dinner at the Chinese Buffet. I was recently informed that this was apparently something I made up out of thin air and while she was born in a leap year she was not born on leap day. I'm 36 and I'm just now finding this out.

Counting The Days Till November 2012

My favorite part of the holidays it all the time off we get. Typically Mandy and I are off for the better part of 13 days. This year I had a couple 4 day weekends back to back while Mandy got the whole week off. I would have joined her, but vacation days are like gold bars and I've already used 2 of my allowed 15 days. The remaining 13 are supposed to last me until November!

Today Mandy was back at work so it was just me & the boys. We spent the 1st half gathering all the miscellaneous pieces of the Batman Imaginext universe we have collected over the years. All together we have The Batcave, The Joker's Playhouse, Green Lantern Corps, almost all the villains, 4 different planes, trains, and automobiles, and about $200 invested. It's ridiculous the amount of toys these kids have. One of our projects this year is to organize and reduce the clutter in this house. A major portion of that will be in the form of toys that have fallen by the wayside.

It was weird being off work today. I think it's a good sign you like your job when after being off for a large period of time, you start to feel pulled back towards it. Not that I won't feel the opposite way in a month, but for now part of me is ready to get back to all my numbers and statistics.

I learned today that my kids have tape worms. They've done nothing but eat all day long! At first I thought I was just giving them junk food so I decided to only offer sandwiches and real food....it didn't stop them. They just kept eating turkey sandwich after turkey sandwich. Then it again it may have just felt like a lot because I was drunk on college football all afternoon (3 SEC bowl games on at the same time! I changed channels so much my remote almost overheated)

I leave you with a few things I can't shake off: Why does soup not accept it's soup and quit trying to be other foods (Taco Soup?) How much must you love someone in order to pretend 3o years have never happened in order to spare them the pain of remembering? At what point am I going to start the "losing weight" portion of my New Year's resolutions.

Time for a POP Quiz!!

Recently I've been spending some time taking a look at my parenting skills for no other reason than I probably just have too much time on my hands. Regardless of why, I thought I'd share a bit by giving a piece of the pop quiz that I seem to be taking over and over again at odd hours of the day.


1)Your child decides half through trick-or-treating miles away from the car that he has enough candy. You decide the he is: A) easily satisfied and knows when he has enough, B) is selfless and wants to make sure the other kids have plenty of candy, or C) isn't goal oriented enough and should have set the bar higher?

My answer: D spoiled rotten. After two homecoming parades in as many weeks and a grand tour of the city which resulted in enough candy to make Willy Wonka gasp in disbelief, candy is the last thing he felt he had to try hard for.

2) After taking a bath with his little brother, you catch your child drinking dirty water and pretending to be a fountain. When told that the baby most likely pee'd in the water, the child says "No big deal so did I". Your first reaction is to: A)throw up in the bathtub, B)make him drink a bottle of Listerine to burn the germs off, or C) be proud that he has yet to become the germ-a-phobe that his old man has.

My answer: C but I'll never kiss him on the mouth again.

3) While taking your child to the bathroom at Burger King, he somehow causes the urinal to self destruct sending gallons and gallons of water in the floor. After spending several minutes trapped in the bathroom waiting for the Mississippi river to go down the drain in the middle of the room. You and your child make a solemn vow to never repeat what just happened to anyone on the other side of the door. Which is broken the moment the door is opened and the child shouts "Hey guys guess what just happened" Your reaction is: A) pretend you have no idea why your pants are wet to the ankles, B) go tell the lady behind the counter that their bathroom just freaked out all by itself, or C) cram your mouth full of food and keep your head down.

My answer: While C would surely have been the way to go, I went with B after Mandy heard the blabber mouth tell the hole place anyway.

4) Fourth and final question. In the past month your child has punched his best friend who happens to be a girl in the neck, claimed no responsibility when an apparently rabid hand puppet went berserk on his baby brother, told this year's church "Santa" that he sees through his disguise, and used his doodle to hold a DVD so his hands would be free to do other things like fly through the air pretending to be naked Superman. Your reaction is to A) curl up in the fetal position and cry because you know you have been defeated by a 4 yr-old, B) turn your attention to the baby in hopes of making right what once went wrong, or C) take off your kryptonite belt and give DJ Tallywhacker a list of your demands.

My Answer: While all have their pro's and con's, I can't help but remember a story someone told me recently that has caused me to just let some things go. It appears that the elderly gentleman that greets everyone at church with a handshake Tommy Lane recently paid a visit to Adam's school. Passing him, Adam had the look on his face that he knew he had seen this person several times before but couldn't remember where. Then as he put it together, Adam stuck out his hand and gave Tommy a great big shake....which caught the attention of all the other kids in class who in turn did the same thing. Something that both Tommy and myself will always remember.

Grandma's Fridge

Adam came home last week after visiting Mimi's house and after a few hours developed a bit of a belly ache. I asked what he ate and got a list of items that included an oatmeal cream pie, marshmallows, a piece of chicken, a couple glasses of tea, a handful of grapes, and a bite of an ice-cream sandwich. I felt bad for him, but I couldn't help but laugh cause I know from experience that even the most mundane of foods tastes better when it comes from Grandma's fridge.

Leftover pork chops, hamburgers, macaroni n' cheese, cold spaghetti....Grandma's fridge was practically a buffet of all my favorite foods. Like some kind of treasure just waiting for me to come over and discover. She never got upset. She never told me I couldn't eat something (unless of course it was Grandpa's dinner). She simply asked that we eat all we get and not throw anything away...and even then she tended to look the other way when our eyes got to big for our belly's. Once she let me put salt in my cheerios because I insisted that's how we ate it at home and then looked at her like she was crazy for suggesting that maybe I was thinking about sugar. I managed to choke down half before I admitted my blunder.

Oh and the sweet tea! Not just any sweet tea, but the tea from her glass. That glass she made just for herself in those narrow tall pastel colored plastic cups. I don't why but that was the best tea I've ever had. To this day I'm not sure that she did anything other than pour it from that big glass jar with the screw on metal lid straight into her own cup. Every time I saw she had a glass I'd steal it and she'd just smile and laugh. To this day when Adam sees me drinking sweet tea and asks for a drink I tell him he can have as much as he wants. As he gulps it down I remember that taste and all those days spent raiding my Grandma's kitchen.

Now when I go over there everything is salt free, cholesterol free, and taste free....or maybe it was always that way and I'm the one that has changed. I wonder if she would still laugh if I suddenly showed up and drank that glass of tea she just sat down to enjoy.

Every Rose Has It's Thorn

I'd like to think that the reason the band was playing the classic song by Poison was out of tribute to the bands lead singer Bret Michaels who is currently in the hospital with a brain hemorrhage. Then again they could have just been oblivious to this and played it because it was a wedding and that's the kinda song people expect to hear. Either way it seemed to be the perfect theme to what Mandy and I had been going through the past several weeks. After 12 years together it's reasonable to expect there to be a few thorns here or there, but lately I think we have both felt bruised and battered by our relationship. It didn't have everything to do with the kids or how tired we both were or work stress that seems to be ever present. Money is always a touchy subject but even that doesn't feel like the reason why our connection to one another seems to have short circuited lately.

It was Mo's wedding and things were a little more chaotic than your average wedding. The blessed event was to take place outside and even though the weatherman said there was a 100% chance of severe weather (the typical stuff like hail, tornadoes, wind, rain, lightning, you know...all that end of the world stuff) the groom said during the rehearsal dinner "Come hail or high water, we will be getting married outside tomorrow so you may as well come and watch" Adam was the ring barer, Mandy was a bridesmaid, and Alex was a special attendant....regardless of how badly we were getting along I was expected to make like the happy husband support everyone the best I knew how.

The bridesmaids showed up in rain boots and just when all was lost the sky's parted and the sun came out. It was the perfect weather for a perfect day. Adam rocketed down the isle and spent the wedding trying to knock the arch full of flowers on top of the entire wedding party. When that didn't work he ran through the crowd to sit in my lap....for about 30 seconds. He got back in position just in time for the grooms brother (who at this point had given up on any sense of a traditional wedding taking place) to pick Adam up and hold him upside down as the happy couple kissed for the firs time as man and wife. Later on as the happy couple ran down the isle towards the limo through a see of people holding sparklers, Adam thrust his flaming wand of fire into the groom. Mandy spun him around and he rested it on Steve's leg who stood there having no idea he had just lost his tuxedo deposit.

After all the pictures and polite conversations, there Mandy and I stood together still feeling alone after weeks of peeking up from our respective trenches to take shots at one another before buring ourselves in the dirt again. I forget what brought it on, but the ice melted with a laugh....and then a smile...and then as if upon request the band played the song that led to the dance that helped us find the rose we had been desperately searching for all these weeks. We had finally made our way through the thorns and to the rose in the center of it all. Aren't weddings amazing.....

P.S. Special thanks to the Nani for adopting Alex for the day.

100 MPH With My Hair On Fire

I stole today's title from Jim Turner. I committed the crime because it is exactly how I've been feeling lately. Ever since Alex has been born life is flying by faster than I can blog about. The only way I am going to catch up is to give a quick recap of recent events.

• Adam had two birthday parties this year. One on his actual birthday March 20th for family and the other on April 10th for friends. The second was at Chuckie Cheese. Surprisingly enough it was actually cheaper than us getting all the decorations and finding a place. The only thing that confused the stew out of me is Adam's fear of Chuckie. Had it been anybody else's party he would have been all over that mouse, but his own and suddenly he's scared to death. Just don't get it.


• Another thing I don't get is taxes. I heard today that something like 20 years ago only 10-15% of people didn't pay taxes. Now that number is up to around 45%!! I don't know about you, but I'm tired of paying my fair share and everyone else's too. Feeling punished because I have a good job and work hard.


• Speaking of jobs I got a new writing gig this week. I was offered one about solar panels, but turned it down after the contract didn't go the way I needed it to. It was during that conversation that I was offered another for a company that sales trade show displays. Will link to it once all the loose ends are tied up.


• The baby is great by the way. Sleeps about 6 hours a night. Doesn't cry too much. The only thing that has us stumped is that we can't seem to find his thing. You know that thing that no matter what is happening manages to calm him down. With Adam it was all about bouncing on my knee and singing. We've tried bouncing, swinging, rocking, singing, patting, petting, riding, and walking....still nothing except of course eating which he must come by naturally because it's all I want to do too.


• Every time the baby starts to cry Adam hollers at us like a tornado has just landed down the street. This is nuts considering the baby is never more than 5 feet away from Mandy or I at all times. "MOMMY THE BABY IS CRYING!!!" "I can see that Adam. He's sitting in my lap."


• Alex tends to wake up at 5 and I've been saying for years that I need to be getting up at that time to go to the gym (which I have a free membership to). Still every morning I wake up get Mandy and Alex settled and I'm off to sleep for another hour and a half. Then I stare out the window all day long promising tomorrow will be different.


• We have spent too much money on Adam. His movies fell over last week and it sounded like the city library collapsed. I think we have gone too far. Considering selling some of his stuff on Ebay so we can buy more stuff so we can sell it someday.


• Watching Adam blowing dandelions and making wishes has got to be the cutest thing in the world other than Alex holding my hand.


• Work....well let's just say there are issues and I'm looking to better myself. I was always told nobody could blame you for trying to make life better as long as you are respectful of where you are now.


• We are currently working to expand Adam's horizons. Gigi took him to see Mickey Mouse and friends in Hunstville a couple weeks back (don't ask him about it unless you wanna see how Woody did his lasso and possibly see Adam take off across the room like a helicopter). I've taken him fishing twice in the past month. Mandy is teaching him to wash clothes and dishes. Tonight he helped me cook dinner. It's too easy to simply sit your kid in front of the TV and let him veg. Gotta pull out the flash cards and teach him some stuff.


• I absolutely love my iPod. May sell my soul for an iPad someday soon. Need to find away to make some iMoney so I can afford some more iTech. iCarumba!

The Socialism Of Bunny Foo Foo

Easter is a time of rebirth, renewal, rejoicing. Spring is in the air. The flowers are in bloom. The sound of lawnmowers getting back to work fill up neighborhoods all over the country. Is there a better time of the year to teach kids about Socialism? You know what Socialism is right? As one dictionary puts it Socialism is "an economic theory or system in which the means of production, distribution, and exchange are owned by the community collectively, usually through the state. It is characterized by production for use rather than profit, by equality of individual wealth, by the absence of competitive economic activity, and, usually, by government determination of investment, prices, and production levels" Now of course I don't believe that this theory is what will keep America the awesome country it is for years to come, but I do fear that regardless of what I want our kids could already be learning the so called values of Socialism if others get their way. This brings me to today's Easter Egg hunt.

What could be wrong with an Easter Egg hunt right? Eggs are brought, eggs are hidden, a dozen or so kids are let loose to charge through the playground looking for eggs, everyone gets ice-cream afterward . Super fun!! Well....sorta. First off each kid is asked to bring 6 eggs with a prize inside. Second they don't just hide the eggs, pull the trigger, and let the kids have a good time, first comes the lecture. You see everything needs to be done fairly so that nobody gets their feelings hurt once the dust settles. So the lecture goes "Now remember boys and girls everyone wants to have a good time finding eggs. Right? Right, so it's important we don't hurt anyone's feelings. What we are going to do is go out and find all the hidden eggs. Some of us may end up with more eggs than others. If you don't find a lot of eggs don't be sad it will be okay. If you find a whole bunch of eggs remember how fun it is to share. Once all the eggs are found we will count up each basket and make sure that everyone comes back in with 6 eggs. Then we can get the candy inside. Won't that be fun?"

To a 4 yr-old who is already hyped up on chicken nuggets and Kool-aid, this does sound like fun because though the lecture lasted 2 minutes they only heard four words...find eggs get candy. It's true. I was standing there and saw it on his face. He was dreaming of plastic eggs filled with Skittles. Thankfully I didn't have the heart to tell him that since they were going to be spreading the wealth once the hunt was over anyway, he may as well enjoy his time more productively by doing something like say sleeping off all the nuggets he just inhaled. Better yet put the bucket down, go to the potty, grab a cool sip of water, and get in line for your six eggs once everyone has done all the hard work for you. I mean either way he's still got a handfull of Skittles at the end of the hunt. At least my way he's not so busy gasping for air from all that running that he can't enjoy them right away.

I can say all of this now that the hunt is over because my child found about double his limit and not the other way around. Then again I would hope that had his basket yielded zero eggs I would be adult enough to teach him that the way things are supposed to work is that nobody gets anything for free. Only through hard work and determination can you actually achieve your dreams. By simply waiting around for someone to give you your share of the eggs not only do you not appreciate what you get, but your dreams will all ways be that....pretty clouds floating just out of reach. This is the way that things are supposed to work....yet tomorrow is pay day and for some reason somebody named FICA needs my money more than I do.

I Can't Handle The Truth!!!

The Scene: Highland Park COC, Muscle Shoals Al.
The Time: Approx 8:20 Wednesday Feb 3 2010
The Crime: Pulling of fire alarm
The Accused: Adam Beck

In a lot of ways having a kid is like playing private detective. When they cry you have to uncover why. When they act like a monkey on speed you just gotta see what all the excitement is about. When they are silent something deep down inside of you just knows that all is not right in the world and things are very very wrong close by. Once they start school and are not with you for eight hours of the day, it gets harder to uncover what deeds they have spent their time doing. The trick of course is that it's not always what you say, but how you say it. For example "How was your day?" and "Did you have fun at school today playing with your friends?" would seem to be the same question, but will give you completely different answers. The first will get you a simple "Good" with the second you should end up with something resembling "Mikey hit me in the arm and I cried so the teacher said he might not be able to come back anymore then Taylor pinched Katie during nap time and I laughed and fell out of my cot and we had pizza for lunch"

What really makes this game of cat and mouse even more difficult is that sometimes you look at all the answers in front of you and come up with what appears to be a complete picture. So in the case of this week's crime you react and declare a guilty verdict. The guilty party is abolished to his bedroom without TV for the night. Plus he must hear us yell at him periodically for hours to come. And then there are times when after the sentence has been carried out new evidence comes to light. This new reveal leaves everyone feeling like the system failed them and no amount of ice cream can give them back the time they lost.

Looking back we asked the right questions "Did you pull the fire alarm?" "Yes Mommy" "Did somebody talk you into doing it?" "No Mommy" "Why did you do it?" "I don't know Daddy" "Do you understand what you did is wrong?" "Yes I pulled the fire alarm"

It seemed like an open and shut case until days later when after receiving another round of guilt Adam pleaded his case by saying "I was only trying to find the light Mommy"......and that's when we discovered the one thing we forgot to consider......where everyone was at the time the crime took place. You see it all started with a spotted puppy being thrown inside the church. The puppy got thrown by Adam. As he was attempting to find it in between the pews, they person in charge of turning off the lights that night did his job perfectly leaving 10 kids playing in a dark sanctuary. Adam comes screaming out to me begging me to find his beloved stuffed spotted puppy. I flip the switch, lights come on, puppy is found, lights go out, I exit stage left, and Adam along with several others find themselves in a windowless room in the dark. That's when my scared little boy did what he thought was the right thing to do, he found the first switch his tiny hands could reach and he flipped it. The ensuing panic sent everyone fleeing the dark room and Adam carrying the weight of the blame.

So now that it's all in the open what is a good detective to do? Should we stop fighting crime all together? Of course not. The guilt we will carry is our punishment and one night with no bed time is his reward.

Just Another Piece Of Shrapnel

It was a shock to us all when it happened. Now over a year later the reality of the decision is still hitting some hard. Namely myself. I wish I could say I can't imagine what that family went through. Being pulled apart from the inside. Like so many of us however I've been there and done that as they say. The questions never go away. An air of mystery will always surround those involved like the smell of burnt leaves off in the distance. Each wondering if they know the whole truth of how it all went down. The real reasons why divorce was the only option left to take.

It's only natural based on my own personal history as a child of divorce that my first instinct is for the little girl. The entire geography of her existence being ransacked as if someone had broken in overnight and stole those items that mattered the most to her. And essentially isn't that exactly what did happen? Her home was sold, her family cut in half, daily routine shattered. Weekdays with Mom. Weekends with Dad. Who gets her for Christmas this year?

Not once did I think of him in terms other than "How could he do that to her...to them? I guess I didn't know him after all" Best Friend is such a juvenile term. Fred throws it out like a prize at the county fair. Only bestowing it upon those who have earned a special place in his heart no matter how fleeting it may be. Thirty-four year old men don't have best friends do we? We have buddies, the gang, the guys. Still I guess that's what he was...my best friend. After he dropped the bomb everything he knew laid around in him in ruin. Friends like myself were left stunned by the announcement. I never even heard his side. One weekend we were playing golf and the next thing I knew a year had gone by since we had spoken.

Last week we bumped into each other at the Christmas parade. I tried to avoid him, but he pushed the issue by coming up to talk. Good for him. It should have been me that asked how he was doing. Inquiring how he was making it now that things were final. Instead I just responded stone faced answering with phrases like "Same old same old" and "Tell me about it." Letting Lucy carry the awkward conversation. I did manage to say "Merry Christmas". Even as I said it though I began to wonder what his new life was like and how bad things must have been towards the end. Trying to imagine what the final straw was that made him think that there was no repairing his broken home; all the while understanding that once the ink hit the page no one would ever be the same. All my life I have been the victim of divorce, my relationships, my personality, my likes and dislikes, a consequence of divorce....but never the proliferator. It wasn't me who pulled the trigger, I'm just one of the many that got hit by the shrapnel.

When I see my friend again I'm going to do my best to let him know that although I don't agree with what he did, I do hope he's in a better place than he was. That he has my forgiveness. It may not mean much to anyone else, but at least I'll know that I tried to be fair. That I attempted to look past the pain he caused and into the root of why he did it. That if ever he needed someone to lean on, he could still call me friend.

Sick Thoughts

"Don't worry Daddy, I will take care of you", that's when I knew things had really gotten as bad as I felt they were. Any parent will tell you that raising a child requires a dose of patience, a pinch of luck, and a heap of will power. No parent is perfect and no child is a cookie cutter copy of another. If you don't believe me just take a peek at the Self-help section at your local bookstore and you'll see a plethora of How-To's dedicated to the topic of figuring out how to keep some type of sanity while living in the asylum. Being a dad is tough enough when things are going good, when you get sick sometimes will power is all you've got. Thank God for Mommies. I can't imagine what things would be like if I didn't have somebody to pick up this week when I'm obviously falling behind.

Nobody wants their child to be sick, but at least when it happens Mommy and Daddy can still keep the ship on course. Everything from work to laundry to sleep is put aside at a moment's notice so that all efforts can be focused on getting junior well again. When the coin flip lands on the wrong side and it's the parents that get sacked with a case of the downers, that's when a parent's job really begins. Like zombies with some Mystical Being forcing every step and lurch, we are bent on making sure our little ones are not affected or infected by our misfortune. Wearing surgical masks and sweat pants, baseball caps and our comfy jacket, soccer games are still witnessed, homework is still assisted, and birthday parties are still orchestrated. Leaving us crumpled up in a heap afterward as our family is put to bed with smiles on their faces.

Even as I write this I can't help but stare at the clock and count the hours left until the school bell rings in the beginning of the second shift. My head trying to do complex calculations revolving around how many hours have passed since I last took my cough medicine and can another dose be had before I'm on duty again. Worrying all the while that I've done what the doc insists can't be done by passing this plague on to the rest of my brood. Simultaneously planning dinner and staving off nausea as I lay the ground chuck out to defrost. It's not about me though. What keeps me going...what keeps every sick parent motivated when they feel their worst, is the feeling we get from knowing that their family is safe and taken care of. And honestly that may be better medicine than anything the doctor can prescribe.

Letting It All Sink In

Lucy is right at 2 months pregnant and even though we've known for several weeks, it's all still sinking in. People who know me know I don't get excited by much. In fact I fell asleep in the waiting room just moments before Fred was born. Three years later and there I was last week a sleep mere seconds before the first ultrasound.

I've been thinking a lot about this past year lately and how things will be different as we get closer to the March due date. Remembering Fred and I hitting golf balls into hurricane force winds last September while vacationing in Orange Beach, Al. Thinking about that 2-hour canoe trip I took last month up Shoals Creek. I'd never even been in a canoe and there I was all by myself in the middle of nowhere. If anything had gone wrong I'd have literally been up a creek without a paddle. Lucy and I driving around town with the windows down after Nick & Nora's Infinite Playlist. Each memory fills me with a calm that I keep coming back to when work seems to be more than I can handle.

When I think of my unborn child I get this same sense of calm. Like I've arrived at the right place at the right time. Like God has lined things up just so and blessed me with the insight to understand the miracle that is swirling around me. Maybe that's why I'm not writing as much lately...I'm too busy making sure I don't miss a moment.

There's a John Mayer song that goes:

I'm writing you to
catch you up on places I've been
You held this letter
probably got excited, but there's nothing else inside it
didn't have a camera by my side this time
hopping I would see the world with both my eyes
maybe I will tell you all about it when I'm
in the mood to lose my way with words

That's exactly what life is like for me right now. The words just aren't there to explain how amazed I am that I get to wake up every morning to my life.

How I Spent My Summer Vacation

Remember those essays we used to have to write the first week of every school year? I didn't mind them so much, after all it's not like the teacher even knew who you were before you stepped foot in her class. Who's she to say that there's no way you could've took a hot air balloon expidition to the South Pole? Anyways that's what today's post is all about.

After I decided to not Live Life Like A Porpoise, I managed to get a ton of stuff done both fun and from the Honey Do List. The first of each week was spent remodeling Fred's room and our master bedroom (pics to follow this week). The fumes hit Lucy and I hard; after I painted Fred's room I got a sinus infection, Lucy got hers after I painted our's. We spent the 4th at Granny Beck's where we had our usual Chinese Thanksgiving. This year I even managed to learn how to make Curry Chicken and Sweet/Sour Pork (not the chicken nugget kind, but the real deal). Plus we had some recession fireworks (not much flash cause we got no cash) that shocked Fred to the point that you would've thought we were standing on top of the Empire State Building watching them explode over the Brooklyn Bridge.

By the end of last week with only four days left I called it quits and enjoyed the rest of my time. A couple fishing trips, an afternoon spent watching Dave Matthews Live In Concert, a surprise 30th B-Day party for Lucy, a little book reading time, plus I pulled the old bike out of the shed so I could keep up with Fred as he pedals up and down the street (he's past the point where I can keep up on foot).

Overall I learned a couple important lessons: 1# Even if I had 2 months off I'd still never get everything done and 2# I never get sick of hanging out with my family and that even includes the GiGi (just don't tell her I said that). Enjoy some pics of from what turned out to be the two best consecutive weeks of my life:

Previews Of Times Gone By

When you have your first child there quickly comes many a moment when you find yourself awake at 2:00 A.M. staring at the ceiling and wondering "What was I thinking?" Sure you love the crying thing in the next room with all your heart, but after 3 hours of screaming without any indication as to what is wrong it's easy to see why even the strongest among us would start questioning their ability to make rationale decisions.

Thankfully somewhere along the way God through his infinite wisdom manages to cloud your mind. Those moments spent pulling out your hair as you stare at your child in disbelief just moments after he emptied the entire contents of the bathtub (water and all) onto your newly tiled floor, fade from your memory and somehow become funny stories you can't wait to tell to all of your friends. Maybe it's some form of selective memory brought on by the constant shock and awe that comes from having a child. It could be that the insanity that seems to swirl around your child finally manages to consume you as well.

I like to think that God knows that the only way people would ever decide to have more than one child and thus continue the furthering of the species would be to simply edit their memories so that when they do look back they only see the good parts. Kinda like movie previews in reverse. Instead of that time your child screamed in the middle of church that somebody wasn't praying right....you see how excited they get when they learn they get to go to Sunday school. You forget that night you were scared to death because he had a fever of 105 and wouldn't quit throwing up....and remember the first time he learned to potty by himself. You only see him lying their sleeping peacefully and not the hours of threatening to make his life miserable if he didn't take a nap.

Now I'm not sitting here saying that we are actively trying to have another child...honestly that would be way too personal for even these pages....what I am saying is that lately my mind isn't what it used to be. When I look back at those first few months when we had Fred I don't remember the fear of not knowing what I was getting into. I don't see the pain brought on from having to spank him for the first time. I don't remember how much I disliked having to share my bed or change dirty diapers or waking up at all hours of the night to give him a bottle....all I see are moments I'd like to live through again....all I see are previews.

Under The Influence

Things have been swirling around our lives lately faster than I dare even try to blog about. I truly believe that if your life isn't a constant mix of coming, going, doing, and seeing than you aren't really living. Don't misunderstand me; I'm the first to scream "I need a break" as I head to the couch for a day of napping/movie watching. Still though now more than ever it seems that we just don't stop until we literally pass out in front of the T.V around Midnight every night. More and more I feel like a weather man attempting to predict what is going to happen next only to change the forecast at the last moment when it's obvious things aren't going to work out like I planned them. Every week brings a new storm or an unexpected event that leaves us feeling....Under The Influence.

Under The Influence Of Career Changes
Lucy began working from home this week. She's still with the same company, but they merged with a larger firm and part of the deal was that she got to move her office into the front room we never use. Meanwhile it seems I changed jobs at the worst possible time and although Accounts Receivable has always been a guessing game, now more than ever it feels like circumstances change with every passing moment. How many days past due should you let a customer go? When is the time to hold all orders? Who will fold under the pressure of the bad economy next? I never stop asking myself these questions.

Under The Influence Of The Thundering Three's
They say the Terrible Two's are the worst time in raising a child, but here a week away from Fred turning three I'm starting to wonder if those that believe that ever managed to survive long enough to see what pending doom lingered just over the horizon. Fred is...is...my favorite part of life, but he's also the most frustrating (he can understand when Diego speaks Spanish, but the words "Come Here" are foreign to him), most terrifying (how many times can one person hit themselves in the head without having a concussion?), most rewarding (last week I was his best friend, this week it's GiGi), most laugh inducing (recently we found ourselves at an auction waiting for a painting to bid on. Fred thought we said something else and began running around the room screaming "WE ARE WAITING ON BIG PANTIES!!), most peaceful (there's nothing like having him fall asleep in your arms while watching an old movie), most guilt inducing (Do I spend too much time working? Are we teaching him enough? Is it ok he only eats goldfish and cheese burgers?) thing I have ever experienced. Some days I want to kiss him. Some days I want to choke him. Some days I find myself wanting to the both within the same half hour. Now that he has discovered my ability to be a Smart Alec I just know we haven't seen anything yet.

Under The Influence Of New Friends
Fred has been making some new friends and the results have not all been positive. This week our son learned the word Stupid. This may not seem like much but after hearing it uttered for a large portion of my life, I'd rather he had learned on of those 7 words that George Carlin was told never to say on TV. On the flip side there are a couple new names on the invitation list for his birthday party (10:00 this Saturday @ the Highland Park COC. It's a cowboy party so don't forget to wear your chaps) which brings me to....

Under The Influence Of God
There for a while I thought maybe we would stop going to church all together. Part of being a christian is realising you are far from perfect and that sometimes without even knowing it you can find yourself in a position which seems a million miles from where you know you should be. We could blame it on a lot of things, but ultimately we were the reasons why we almost quit going to church. We got lazy and stopped working on our spirituality. Thankfully some very nice people never stopped telling us how much we were missed. We are back in church and I know it's God's influence on our lives that has made me happier than I have been in quite some time.

Won't You Be My Neighbor...

This past weekend under the cover of darkness our neighbors across the street packed up and slipped away over the horizon. In a lot of ways they were mirror images of us. A hard working, scruffy, easy to get a long with dad. A beautiful wife. A small boy a couple of years older than Fred. A new baby.....okay honestly I'm just romanticising the entire thing. The truth is a Uhaul pulled up in the middle of the day and it took them the entire weekend to leave. The husband was nice, but more so than ever I tend to be a grouch who tells old ladies to mind their own business after they have just commented that the reason Fred is screaming his head off in the mall is because he must be tired. (Like myself and the other thousand people in the food court didn't know that, but hey thanks for making sure everyone within ear shot who wasn't already staring at me became witness to the meltdown). I got the wife part right, but who knows how old the kid was because they left him alone so much that he was practically raising himself anyway. For all I know he's a tall 1 year-old who was wise beyond his years. And no baby announcements here yet for at least a few more months

Neighbors are an important thing. Too nice and they are always over at your house bothering you. Too mean and you end up having to bring in everything that's not cemented into the ground before you go to bed at night. That's why the moment a near by home goes up for sale people immediately begin trying to hand pic who they think has a shot at the place.

"Aunt Lisa is looking."
"No Relatives!" Scratch
"What about that girl from your office?"
"She's goes through men like copier paper" Scratch

Ideally you want your neighbor to be a mirrored version of yourself, but less nosey. I'm a nosey guy and I'll just say it "Sometimes the show going on across the street is better than anything happening on HBO" There's the old guy down the block that refuses to take his medicine which means Fred gets to see an ambulance and a firetruck up close twice a month. The guy that refuses to cut his grass so eventually his wife has to breakdown and do it herself. The old lady with the looser son-in-law who might be a pedophile and must be kept an eye on at all times.

This is why I'm sad to hear that the folks across the street were forced to move. The economy is bad and their fixed payment apparently wasn't that fixed after all. Now instead of tuning in to "Look what they are letting that kid do now!" a new series has just been announced called "What if the new people have teenage boys!!!!"