Thursday, March 30, 2006

My New Suit!!

I have a new suit.
My new suit keeps me warm in the winter and cool in the summer.
It's quite small at the moment ...but it's getting bigger everyday.
I spent months worrying about this new suit. Can I afford it? Will I be able to keep it in good shape? Will it be the kind of suit your proud to wear and show off to your freinds?
The second I decided to buy a suit,I began day dreaming of what it would look like. Would it be the kind of suit that would make people ask "Hey. Is that your suit over there in the corner? I thought so. It looks like you"
Lucy took her time getting it. We had to make room in the closet. Had to make sure we had everything we needed to keep it clean and smelling good. Can you believe she took time off of work just to get my new suit? I guess thats why if you look from just the right can see her in my new suit.
My new suit keeps me up at night and puts me to sleep during the day.
I'm fearless and scared to death when I'm around my new suit.
The second I put my new suit on I forgot all about TV,movies, food, work,hurt feelings and old grudges.
My new suit is the most amazing thing I have ever seen and will ever own.
Lucy bought my new suit on March 20, 2006.
I named my new suit Baby Fred and it covers me like nothing ever has before.

Friday, March 17, 2006

The Birth of "BAM!" or "The last weekend"

It’s official Monday 20th is the day Baby Fred arrives. Which means that this is the last Charlie/Lucy weekend for the next 18 years. Now before you say it, I know we will be alone together at some point within the next 6 months. The thing is, once the baby comes we may be alone together but we will also be keeping one brain wave on what Fred is doing without us.

In case your wondering, if you take the first letter of our first names and put them together it spells BAM!!! The funny thing is that’s exactly the sound I’m hearing in the distance. It’s soft right now but it’s definitely there and getting louder every day.
BAM…BAM…BAM… and by Monday morning I’ll be rolling over slowly, checking out the room, trying to hold on to the last frames of a good dream and then…BAM!!!! my life will change.

What’s on the agenda for the last weekend? We thought about renting all the movies we’ve missed the last few months and trying to become one with the sofa. Then we thought about going out and having one last bash with the friends. A short trip would be nice. Maybe pickup a few “last weekend” gifts for ourselves.

All of these were talked about…but like it normally does, reality set in and it looks to be a normal weekend around the Blockhead house. I saw a few spiders this week, so I need to spray around outside. Lucy is going to a baby shower. That knocks out Saturday morning. I’ve got one last piece of baby furniture to assemble. We just received a new computer and the directions need to read so I can start spamming people with baby pictures. It was somebody’s birthday so a trip to the grandparents on Sunday will kill any plans for that day.

After 8 years together, I guess for us … the best weekends are the ones spent just living life and not being locked away in front of a TV or in a car on the road to some mall. Sure those things are nice, but can they compare to assembling a bassinet and watching your wife’s eyes light up? Is there anything more fun then new parents emailing baby pictures to relatives that live far away? I can’t think of any other way I would want to spend my “last weekend”. Just the two of us living life like there’s no tomorrow. Trying to pack in as many things in a 48hour period as possible.

So, just to see who’s out there…Now that you’ve seen how we are spending our “last weekend”. How would you or did you spend yours? (Comments please!!! I wanna see who’s reading!!)

P.S. I will try to make at least one post next week but I think I’ll have my hands full.
I promise to get back on a regular schedule as soon as I can.

Thursday, March 16, 2006

Have I Mentioned My Other 3 Children?

We have 3 cats…. Buttons and Sassy on the inside, and BooBoo Kitty on the outside.
I'm not sure when it happened but at some point within the past eight years our animals have turned into 2-year-old children.

I know that they are 2 because I've heard from "real" parents and what they have experienced with their "real" sons and daughters at that age. I've been warned of temper tantrums so loud that the very foundations of the house have cracked. Tall tales of nightmares experienced by parents after hours of screaming "Get down, put that down, come down here, let go, let's go, stay here, stop that, and stand up!!"

I find myself saying the same things to our "children" every 5 minutes.

I don't think the problem is anything they are doing out of the ordinary. The problem is that our "real" son is a week away and our "babies" have turned back into cats.

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

Why I'm A Blockhead. Example #249

I mention over in my "About Me" section that sometimes I have a tendency to do things so aggravating…. so frustrating…so mind numbingly dumb that the shear terror of the event is completely wiped from my brain.

I had a great day going for me. Perfect weather. Lunch with the very pregnant Lucy. Good day at the office. Too good to be true.

Lucy had stopped and picked up this years car tags. You know what I'm talking about right? One sticker for the month and another sticker for the current year.

I'm not that great at listening and I have a tendency to hear "waw waw waw waw waw waw waw" when actually the person is really saying something important like "Sir your hair is on fire"

Anyway Lucy gives me the stickers, a kiss goodbye, and a "make sure waw waw waw waw waw". Lucy left, I slapped the stickers on, and off I went back to work.

Now I sing so bad that the mere sound of my performance has been know to make a cat shed all it's hair in the middle of winter. Except apparently when I'm in the car by myself. There's something about that little enclosure that makes me think that if Randy, Simon, and Paula were sitting in that back seat they would steer me straight to Hollywood.

It was in the middle of my performance of "Still Unwritten" by Natasha Beddingfield that I began to decipher the final part of Lucy's instructions.

"Make sure you put the stickers in the right spots."

I said to myself with a "that poor miss guided silly silly woman" chuckle "What kinda moron puts the $80 car tag stickers in the wrong place? Like somebody would place "07" over the month so instead of "Feb" "07" it ends up "07" "06""

Well a moron didn't do it…. A blockhead did.

Tuesday, March 14, 2006

Where The Streets Know My Name

I’ve lived in the same place for 30 years.
Not some big city like New York or Chicago
, just a small Alabama town of 50,000 people.
I always wondered what it would be like to live someplace else. Part of me thinks that it might be kind of sad.
See I’ve lived here so long that after awhile the place turned into a living novel. Almost as if I had written my biography, ripped the pages out, and hidden them across the landscape.

Every building, tree, and back road holds a chapter hidden somewhere under a rock or a new coat of paint.

The 3 year old me waves from the park where I chipped my tooth on the merry-go-round. My dad was with me that day.

The field where a 17 year old goof and 9 of his closet friends made an attempt at cow tipping. We got ran off by a vicious dog that we never saw and only heard from a distance.

I drive past the old grocery store where a cashier met his future wife 6 years before their first date. The shadows of friends long moved on still hang around the parking lot.

The bad memories are there too… there was a time when I thought maybe a change of scenery would hide the mistakes and scars of my past. Then I turn a corner or take a different route to work and a new story with a familiar cast blows past me like leaves before a storm. Man, I got a lot of stories to tell Baby Fred.

5 more days till Baby Fred arrives….

Friday, March 10, 2006

The light at the end of the tunnel.

We have a due date!!
Unfortunately the Doc decided that it was going to have to be a C-section. Lucy has been hurting pretty bad the last few days and just giving her a date it would all be over with made her breathe a little easier.

We went in for the regular appointment. Nothing unusual. Nurse came in checked the heartbeat. Everything was fine. Blood pressure was good. Lucy’s doing great. I mean anybody who can work up until 2 weeks before her due date is a trooper in my book.

The Doc comes in, checks under “the hood”, and gives us the news.

He had been mentioning it the last couple of visits and we kinda figured that’s the way it would go down. So he says, “Let me go next door and talk to my assistant and we’ll figure a date to do the procedure.” Then he leaves the room.

That’s when Lucy starts hyperventilating.
It must have hit us both at the same time cause I started getting nauseous…right then, right there, while we sat in a tiny room with no magazines, no Reader’s Digest…nothing but a scale, 2 stools, and a gurney …the Dr. was choosing Baby Fred’s birthday!!

A day that we would celebrate for the rest of our lives was literally being decided on the other side of 2 pieces of drywall. We came so close to passing out that I would have sworn he had turned on the sleepy gas before he left the room.

But just before we slipped off into a full-fledged comma…he came back in.

On March 20th 2006 shortly after 7:30 am… Baby Fred will finally be seeing how beautiful his momma really is.

I hear this from Lucy at least 6 times a day.

Don’t get me wrong. It is a very valid and good answer to my blockhead questions.
“The phone is right there…why can’t you get it?”
“Why do I have to go to the store?”
“Why do we have to eat Taco Bell again tonight?”

I’m not a jerk. I have doubled what I normally do around the house and that’s always been more than most. I cook all the meals, wash clothes, clean the kitchen, and do it all with little complaint. You name it and I either do it by myself or at least add the muscle. But it’s been 9 months and I am just plain beat-down tired.

The thing is, now she’s just saying it at random no matter what is being talked about.

“Man I should have went to bed earlier. That movie wasn’t even that great”

“Pizza for dinner was a mistake. My acid reflux is killing me.”

“Did you hear those cats fighting last night?”

I feel so bad for her. All kidding aside, he’s already 7lbs and the Dr. says he still needs a few more weeks to cook. Like it or not Baby Fred is about be given an eviction notice.

Wednesday, March 08, 2006

The Frustration of a Soon to Be Dad.

My son Baby Fred is coming. The Dr. says "sometime in the next 3 weeks"
The problem is we are not patient people. We are "I'll meet you at 7" people.
Or in the case "Your brand new baby will arrive at 8:10 on the morning of March 17th"

The big question from everyone is "Are you excited?!?!?!?!"
Yes I am very excited....that being said I am very tired of waiting for this life altering moment to happen!!
It's like your about to have your house redone. I mean a total new floors, sleep in at motel, life changing house remodeling. And the contractor calls while your on your way to your temporary housing and says "Wella I reckon it's gonna be a couple more days before we come over there and destroy the nice routine you've spent forever and a day creating. Maybe we can make it next week"

Sure I'm excited but sooner or later I'm gonna need to breathe again and I'm afraid all this anticipation is gonna kill me.

Tuesday, March 07, 2006


Lucy and I have been together for over 8 years. Our first “date” was to see Titanic. She was working at a local grocery store that I spent most of the 90’s practically living in. I had worked there since junior year in high school and would quit and comeback at least once every couple of years.
It was during one of those off years that the movie came out. I was in a fraternity and for obvious reasons couldn’t get any of the guys to see it with me.
Lucy had been one of those people you know but you don’t know and agreed to go see it with me. Lucy was a football trainer so needless to say if the movie went south then I still got to spend 3 hours with a hot girl. Anyways it’s not like it was a date or anything. Being the blockhead I am I was really just wanting to see the movie. Just 2 friends going to a movie.
On the way to pick her up somebody asked who I was going on a date with.
“It’s not a date.”
“Are you buying her dinner?”
“ Well yeah. I mean I gotta eat. It would be rude not to offer her something too.”
“Are you paying for her ticket?”
“I guess… it was my idea and all. What am I going to say, “don’t forget your wallet””
“Well I hate to tell you, but your going on a date tonight”
“Whatever dude. Titanic looks AWESOME!!”

Lucy had a backup plan. The ole phone call during dinner trick.
No emergencies to rush off to that night…guessed I passed the test.

The movie was good. Boy meets girl, boy and girl fall in love, boat sinks….but that’s where the comparison ends. After all these years, though, we may have hit a couple of icebergs; our boat has turned into the most amazing thing I have ever seen.
The lost Seinfeld episode!!!

Apparently there is an episode of Seinfeld that I have missed!
How is that even possible? I mean it's on everyday at 9:30 pm begging me to watch. It's my safety show!! Everynight I know that if nothing else is on I can settle in for the night with my buddies George, Jerry, Kramer, and how can I possibly be missing out on what is apparently the funniest one ever.
Every time the show comes up around my friends all I hear is "What about the one where Kramer decides he wants a front porch...."
I can't take it!! Everytime it's discussed I just leave the room cause I think they are playing a game of frustrate Charle Blockhead.
The story of Charlie Blockhead.

I'm new to this whole blogging thing so I figure I could go about this 2 ways.
1. I could give an exhausting description of my whole life up till the time I turned 30 and decided ...well Lucy was more involved in the decision making process but I was involved...I mean my body's not gonna be the one renting out space... anyway I could give my whole life story all at once and leave a bunch out cause I'm not a one track person and eventually I would start leaving stuff out.
2. I could just jump in and start rambling about the things on my mind. And although they may not be the most "normal" thinks people talk about.. I figure at least this way I will get to everything in full detail when I feel like talking about it.

So here it goes........
Baby Fred where are you!!!
Baby's room painted...check.
Floors good and clean...check.
Crib, cradle, swing, and rocking chair put together and safe...check check check check.
House ready to be shown to the millions and millions of future visitors....check...sorta.
Baby Fred......still not ready....oh ok we can wait......we'll just pass the time by watching TV....or ummm I know I can cut grass.......let's rent a thumps twiddling... TV's boring...grass not no good...BABY FRED WHERE ARE YOU!!!!!
This is torture.....