The Truth Is Out There

For the past month my family and I have been going through something earth shattering. Something life changing. Something that caused us to do some major soul searching. Up until last night only a couple close family members (Gigi & Nani) were aware of what we were going through. The past four weeks have been some of the hardest in our lives and it has brought us much closer to God then we ever knew we could be. I must say that this challenge was also complicated by the passing of Buttons our beloved pet and Mandy going to real estate school. Now finally we are ready to share.

First though the We Are Nots:
*No we are not pregnant.
*No we are not sick.
*No we are not getting a divorce.

What we are doing is moving. After 10 years of living in a house that used to seem as big as the Taj Mahal, it is time to start the next chapter in our lives. Pops has been more than gracious over the years, first inviting us to live here in his childhood home for a small portion of rent which was more like a maintenance fee, and then always assuring us that we would never have to worry about someplace to live. It was during the first week of this month that we all looked around and realized maybe it was time to move on. To re-evaluate what we all wanted and what the future could be. Suddenly an opportunity arose that was simply too good to pass up.

There's no need to talk about the particulars of the deal, lets just say soon we will be applying for our first home buyers loan. The new home will have 4 bedrooms, 3 full bathrooms, a very large yard, walk in closets, a laundry room that does not require you to step outside to access, and a kitchen that you can stand in the middle of and stretch out your arms as far as they can go without touching the opposite walls. Plus there will be a place for Gigi as long as she wants to stick around.

We are excited about this new place but of course we can't help but be sad a little as we prepare to leave our very first home. If it were not for Pops and the gift he as given us by letting us stay here over the years we would have missed out on so many great things the most important of which was all the precious time Mandy was able to spend with the boys due to being able to work part-time without worrying about a large house payment. We are so blessed.

Tonight's Chips Off The Ole Blockhead:
# Madonna played the Super Bowl tonight. I really can't stand her, but will say it wasn't half bad. I remember when she used to be considered a controversial entertainer. Now she might as well be Betty White up there singing show tunes.

# I keep seeing things made with crumbled bacon. Bacon never lasts long enough around me to have a chance be crumbled and put into something else.

Buttons Beck: The Great Main Coon Kitty

Today we put Buttons to rest. It was time. The Vet took one look at him and agreed that he had some major health issues. If Adam remembers him at all when he's older it will be that of a mean old cat that use to hiss and try to scratch him every time he walked into the room. Just last year he weighted 16 pounds. Today he was down to only 8. He scratched me down my arm one last time while I was getting him out of the carrier. I'm not upset. He was scared. It may sound weird but I'm fine with it not healing for awhile. I think I understand why people get tattoos. A few years back he put a 3 inch long scar on my chest. Suddenly I don't mind it so much.

He was 14 yrs old and for a long time there he was my very best friend. A house gets lonely when you're the only one in it. Mandy would be working late at the grocery store. It would just be me and my kittens Buttons & Sassy waiting for her to get home while watching late night TV. I buried him beside her under the pecan tree outside. I've already started telling the kids stories of the mighty Buttons that could jump higher than Adam is tall. He was the biggest cat in the land! He was a good listener.

Sure I'm sad, but mostly I feel old and depressed. 14 years is a very long time. It feels like I'm officially putting an end to my teenage ways, the trench coat of adulthood has finally covered me and at this particular moment it feels very heavy. Change is still in the air and it's going to be a long time before things start feeling normal again.

The Curious Case Of The Casual Curse

People say curse words. Growing up The Angry Man (who I seem to be talking about a lot lately) was a master crafter of the curse word. He would all too often combine words that had never been attached before into such prose Shakespeare himself would likely stand back and bow in amazement of such creative prose. In another life I myself became quite skilled at the art of the curse. These days while I don't speak that type of language anymore, I don't typically flinch when I hear something on TV or in a movie that would be offensive to others. Honestly not much does offend me....except for something that happened twice today.

On two separate occasions people that I barely know casually began speaking to me using lets just call it alternative language. I couldn't help but laugh at how shocked I was and afterward I realized 3 things.

1. Where once I completely surrounded myself with people that would use such alternative language it would cause the walls to bleed, for the most part nobody around me has spoken like that in 10 years.



2. For some reason I've created an imaginary line where I'm not offended by things I see and hear in my entertainment choices but yet when those same words are said by real life people standing in front of me I'm left stunned like a punch to the gut. Sometimes I just stand there not being able to believe what I just heard.



3. Clearly I'm not doing enough to show those I come into contact with that I'm a Christian.

Those that committed today's offenses were not friends, they were barely acquaintances. A few emails here and there, a couple phone calls, a handshake or two every six months, yet suddenly I felt like we were a couple of frat bros dishing the smack about last nights mixer.

Tonight's Chips Off The Ole Blockhead:

# They caught the mugger!!! Here is the arrest report. He's the 15th one down. Intials REH

# This guy shook my hand today so hard I thought I was going to have to learn how to start writing with my left hand. An hour later and I was still considering left handed golf clubs, scissors, and going to get X-rays.

Facebook Killed The Blog Star

The worst part about writing a blog on a weekly basis is the guilt that comes from ignoring it. The main reason I ignore it isn't so much that I'm writing 6 other articles a week that actually pay me something, but that Facebook doesn't require me to finish a thought. Here whenever I have an idea I have to think it out, turn it around in my head a few times, and edit, edit, edit. On Facebook I can say things like " I wish everything had bungee cord attached to it" and leave it at that. On Charlie that sentence would lead to a list of all things I want bungee cord on like the remote, utensils, the laptop....not that I haven't thought about it, but it's not something I'm ready to commit to in writing.

So for those of you out there who keep asking where I'm at, I'm still here and I'm going to keep posting. The posts may just take on a smaller format.

100 MPH With My Hair On Fire

I stole today's title from Jim Turner. I committed the crime because it is exactly how I've been feeling lately. Ever since Alex has been born life is flying by faster than I can blog about. The only way I am going to catch up is to give a quick recap of recent events.

• Adam had two birthday parties this year. One on his actual birthday March 20th for family and the other on April 10th for friends. The second was at Chuckie Cheese. Surprisingly enough it was actually cheaper than us getting all the decorations and finding a place. The only thing that confused the stew out of me is Adam's fear of Chuckie. Had it been anybody else's party he would have been all over that mouse, but his own and suddenly he's scared to death. Just don't get it.


• Another thing I don't get is taxes. I heard today that something like 20 years ago only 10-15% of people didn't pay taxes. Now that number is up to around 45%!! I don't know about you, but I'm tired of paying my fair share and everyone else's too. Feeling punished because I have a good job and work hard.


• Speaking of jobs I got a new writing gig this week. I was offered one about solar panels, but turned it down after the contract didn't go the way I needed it to. It was during that conversation that I was offered another for a company that sales trade show displays. Will link to it once all the loose ends are tied up.


• The baby is great by the way. Sleeps about 6 hours a night. Doesn't cry too much. The only thing that has us stumped is that we can't seem to find his thing. You know that thing that no matter what is happening manages to calm him down. With Adam it was all about bouncing on my knee and singing. We've tried bouncing, swinging, rocking, singing, patting, petting, riding, and walking....still nothing except of course eating which he must come by naturally because it's all I want to do too.


• Every time the baby starts to cry Adam hollers at us like a tornado has just landed down the street. This is nuts considering the baby is never more than 5 feet away from Mandy or I at all times. "MOMMY THE BABY IS CRYING!!!" "I can see that Adam. He's sitting in my lap."


• Alex tends to wake up at 5 and I've been saying for years that I need to be getting up at that time to go to the gym (which I have a free membership to). Still every morning I wake up get Mandy and Alex settled and I'm off to sleep for another hour and a half. Then I stare out the window all day long promising tomorrow will be different.


• We have spent too much money on Adam. His movies fell over last week and it sounded like the city library collapsed. I think we have gone too far. Considering selling some of his stuff on Ebay so we can buy more stuff so we can sell it someday.


• Watching Adam blowing dandelions and making wishes has got to be the cutest thing in the world other than Alex holding my hand.


• Work....well let's just say there are issues and I'm looking to better myself. I was always told nobody could blame you for trying to make life better as long as you are respectful of where you are now.


• We are currently working to expand Adam's horizons. Gigi took him to see Mickey Mouse and friends in Hunstville a couple weeks back (don't ask him about it unless you wanna see how Woody did his lasso and possibly see Adam take off across the room like a helicopter). I've taken him fishing twice in the past month. Mandy is teaching him to wash clothes and dishes. Tonight he helped me cook dinner. It's too easy to simply sit your kid in front of the TV and let him veg. Gotta pull out the flash cards and teach him some stuff.


• I absolutely love my iPod. May sell my soul for an iPad someday soon. Need to find away to make some iMoney so I can afford some more iTech. iCarumba!

Oliver's Tale

Adam has been going to the Hill since he was nine weeks old and except for a minor little issue here or there we have never had a problem with him being affected by what others in his class are doing. Like most kids he went through the biting phase. Occasionally he will come home spouting a new potty word. Nothing major though until "Oliver" joined his class.

The first time Adam mentioned Oliver he was referring to the fact that Oliver didn't have any friends because he was mean. Then a couple bruises were blamed on Oliver. This went on for a few weeks and suddenly something changed. Suddenly Oliver was the cool kid in class. The rebel that together with Adam loved to chase the girls and growl like wild dogs. We couldn't help but wonder which was better: Oliver as a friend? or Oliver as an foe?

We did some checking and it seems that Oliver is a foster child and hasn't had the best family life. Without going into great detail I'll just say that Oliver has had a harder life that most 4 yr-olds. With this bit of knowledge in our heads and hearts, Mandy and I tried not to chose Adam's friends for him. Instead we encouraged him to play with all his classmates equally. Making sure to ask how Katie or Ben were doing. Things settled down for a bit, then suddenly last week Adam came home saying that Oliver and him no longer had to listen to teacher. Two days later Adam proclaimed that him and Oliver no longer believed in God and didn't plan on going to Chapel.

Sadly this was the last straw. It was time to put an end to this Oliver business. We told Adam that when it came to Oliver he was to be nice, but he needed to play with other kids. This morning was our first day back since last week's talk concerning who Adam would obey and who he should not follow. As I was dropping Adam's things off (snacks, coat, sleeping bag, sleeping buddy, etc...) I noticed he kept hiding behind me. I also noticed Oliver's foster mom was talking to teacher. After I shook him loose a couple times, the teacher asked the most obvious question at the worst possible time...."What is wrong with you this morning Adam?"

My child never listens to me. I have to tell him 100 times to go to bed at night. 1,000 times to finish his cheeseburger if he wants Gummy Bears so bad. 1 million times to quit making that noise that sounds like the cat is about to throw up. Today he heard me loud and clear. He heard me so well that there at the most inappropriate time, he simultaneously proved that he had heard every word I had ever said since he was born and he that understood all of it by pressing play on his inner tape recorder by quoting "My Mommy and Daddy say I can't play with Oliver anymore" All I could do behind my scarlet face full of embarrassment was try to laugh it off and say "Adam....that's not exactly the what we said". Looking at my watch I sudden realised I was late for work and bolted.

Missing The Big Event

It was all anyone could talk about at work. "Go Gators!!" "Roll Tide Roll!!" "Come on over Saturday we'll be serving gator meat during halftime." At church our preacher worked it into his sermon Wednesday night. The clerk at the Piggly Wiggly asked me if I knew what time it would start. Every wife in town was wondering what they would do with the kids while daddy disappeared for 4 hours on a Saturday afternoon. During a stop for a routine headlight change my mechanic Ken couldn't help but notice my red sweatshirt which just happened to be the color of the Mighty Alabama Crimson Tide. We spent twenty minutes talking about Bama's chances against the Florida Gators. Not only was that afternoon's game a rematch of last year's for the SEC Championship, but both teams were again undefeated guaranteeing a game that would be talked about for years to come.....and I was going to miss it.

After finding out that Lucy and I would be taking Fred to the annual Toy Land play which was scheduled to begin the exact same moment as kickoff, a friend left this on Lucy's Facebook page "I'm just curious how you get Bill to do these things and miss football? Ted does not do anything that will interfere with football so guess where we will be today at 3:00????" The answer of course isn't an easy one because for starters how do you respond without speaking against Ted? Another thing that got me was the first thing my machismo did was take offense to the thought that somehow I had been tricked by Lucy to spend time with my family. Needless to say my first comments to this particular Facebook message were deleted before they ever reached the home page. What I didn't say......what I wanted to say was this:

"Please understand that in no way am I trying to speak against Ted. He seems like a great guy, a good man, and a fine father. I don't know what his schedule is like or what issues he may be facing. That being said what I do know is that last Friday I watched the Alabama/Auburn game. Saturday night I watched three games at one time. Flipping between LSU/Arkansas, Tennessee/Kentucky, and some other game that I can't even remember. Sunday I caught the Colts Vs Ravens. Monday night the Patriots faced off against the Saints. Thursday night it was Oregon and Oregon St. Friday night I watched the last half of Ohio and Michigan St. Before Toy Land starts Cincinnati/Pitt will be on and afterward Texas/Nebraska. Sunday night the undefeated Colts play the Titans who are on a hot streak. Given I didn't watch all of these from start to finish, but I did see a majority of each. I don't know if Ted saw all or any of these. I'm not a baseball fan. I don't like basketball. I play a little golf every now and then. What I like is football and while it's in season Lucy is willing to move things around so that I can catch the big games. For me though this weekend's big event doesn't involve the gridiron. It's seeing Fred's face when Darth Vader sits down next to him like he did two years ago. Or when Spiderman swings from the rafters just in time to save Dora from Cruella de Vil like last year. Hearing the cheers when Elmo and Big Bird come skating across the stage causing Tom to slam into Jerry. Sure the game will be on, but I'll catch the one tonight and maybe the one tomorrow. This afternoon though, at least for me the Big Event is being where my son is."

Will The Swine Flu Turn You Into A Grinch This Christmas?

Now that we are past Halloween it's just a matter of weeks before the real festivities start ala Thanksgiving and Christmas. In a typical year people would already be planning out their menus, making reservations to attend the countless string of office parties, and anxiously awaiting all the time that will be spent with family members from all over the country. Unfortunately this really isn't what you would call a typical year is it? As sad as it may seem Swine Flu hysteria has taken over the country and even those that didn't give a thought to canceling Halloween are now contemplating alternate means of ringing in the New Year.

According to the New York Times "In offices, churches, hospitals, college dorms and schools — and even at yoga classes and in apple orchards — the fear of swine flu is turning age-old rituals on their head. What used to be O.K. is not anymore, as the flu has ushered in new standards of etiquette that can be, in turns, mundane, absurd and heartbreaking." As the dad of a 3 1/2 year-old and the husband of very pregnant wife, I can say that anytime my family goes out in the public the thought of canceling because of the swine flu enters my mind. I know some will accuse me of overreacting, but as they say better safe than sorry right? Yes it means we may miss the occasional birthday party or church service, but the way I look at it is that since I obviously can't trust others who are sick to stay home than the responsibility falls onto myself to ensure my family is not exposed.

When it comes to the Swine Flu how far is too far? Certainly we shouldn't cancel Thanksgiving and even Santa himself couldn't stop the retail stores from ushering in Christmas. Still though I'm not so sure I won't be doing some extra recognisance work this year before attending the latest round of Greedy Santa. I'll try to make it casual "So who's coming?" and keep myself flexible "As far as I know we will be there". I'll ask questions at the first sign of a cough or sneeze, "Wow that sounds rough. Have you gone to the Dr. yet?". I'll be vigilante "So is your son/daughter feeling better today?" And what happens when the inevitable does happen and we end up sharing the night with somebody who is sick? I'll secretly set the alarm on my phone to go off and fake an emergency.

Life Without Porpoise

As many of you have no doubt heard, the company I work for has decided to shutdown this week and next. What this means is that unfortunately I'm midway through an unexpected two week vacation, and that believe it or not I started out having a horrible time coming to grips with. First of all lest I come on as some arrogant snob who doesn't know just how well he has it, please understand that I am extremely grateful for everything I have and that I can't imagine how much harder others who have it far worse are handling things. Still the shutdown has definitely been a wake up call. The first day I was a total wreck. I literally walked right into a door, spent the day babbling like an idiot, and generally just felt out of place in the world. I know myself enough to realize if I had been laid off and Monday had been my first day out of work, I'd of been up at the crack of dawn, resume in hand, and hitting the bricks looking for more work. That's the rub though, I have a job....they just don't need me there for 10 more days.

Immediately I found myself wondering what does a work-aholic do when there's no work to be had? Whatever the answer may be, I was sure the way it wouldn't turn out is with me sitting around like a fat whale catching up on Day Of Our Lives and eliminating an entire bag of Oreos.

I'm proud to say that going into the 4th day of my isolation, I've managed to stay even busier than I likely would have been had I gone into the office everyday. I've set the alarm for my normal 6:00 A.M wake-up every morning. Monday I cleaned out Fred's room, ran errands, grabbed a quick bite, and by 8:00 that night had transformed the once nursery into a Big Boy room. Tuesday I jumped up ran a couple more errands, hit the driving range, put the finishing touches on Fred's room, and got to spend a great afternoon with Lucy. Wednesday I was up at the Dr's office (sinus infection), took care of a couple more errands, cut grass, and managed to be done in time for Fred to get home from school. Next week I plan on painting our bedroom Monday/Tuesday and then getting some R&R (playing a little golf, getting some fishing in).

Basically what I've learned is that though I may be a work-aholic, I'm not limited by where I work. It's got nothing to do with who I work for or what my career is, it's about how I'm no longer that guy that enjoys laying on his hump all day watching the world pass me buy. As an 8 year resident of various cube-farms I've often wondered what outsiders did with their days...and now I know they stay active, they get things done, and they never stop working towards their goals which is exactly what I myself attempt to accomplish during my typical 8-5. A life with purpose means you don't live life like a porpoise and for my own sake I hope that's something I never turn into again.

Previews Of Times Gone By

When you have your first child there quickly comes many a moment when you find yourself awake at 2:00 A.M. staring at the ceiling and wondering "What was I thinking?" Sure you love the crying thing in the next room with all your heart, but after 3 hours of screaming without any indication as to what is wrong it's easy to see why even the strongest among us would start questioning their ability to make rationale decisions.

Thankfully somewhere along the way God through his infinite wisdom manages to cloud your mind. Those moments spent pulling out your hair as you stare at your child in disbelief just moments after he emptied the entire contents of the bathtub (water and all) onto your newly tiled floor, fade from your memory and somehow become funny stories you can't wait to tell to all of your friends. Maybe it's some form of selective memory brought on by the constant shock and awe that comes from having a child. It could be that the insanity that seems to swirl around your child finally manages to consume you as well.

I like to think that God knows that the only way people would ever decide to have more than one child and thus continue the furthering of the species would be to simply edit their memories so that when they do look back they only see the good parts. Kinda like movie previews in reverse. Instead of that time your child screamed in the middle of church that somebody wasn't praying right....you see how excited they get when they learn they get to go to Sunday school. You forget that night you were scared to death because he had a fever of 105 and wouldn't quit throwing up....and remember the first time he learned to potty by himself. You only see him lying their sleeping peacefully and not the hours of threatening to make his life miserable if he didn't take a nap.

Now I'm not sitting here saying that we are actively trying to have another child...honestly that would be way too personal for even these pages....what I am saying is that lately my mind isn't what it used to be. When I look back at those first few months when we had Fred I don't remember the fear of not knowing what I was getting into. I don't see the pain brought on from having to spank him for the first time. I don't remember how much I disliked having to share my bed or change dirty diapers or waking up at all hours of the night to give him a bottle....all I see are moments I'd like to live through again....all I see are previews.

New Year's Rejuvenation

This past weekend was supposed to be our New Year's Revolution. For weeks we talked it up. Telling all our friends that we were going to put our recent bad luck behind us by righting all that went wrong on New Year's day. We had planned to eat the traditional foods (hogs jowl, black eye peas, turnip greens), make new resolutions, and even watch the ball drop via You Tube. It was going to be a ceremonial end to our bad Karma......and we never went through with it.

Instead we got up like a family and went to church on Sunday morning for the first time in ages. We sang songs in worship of God. We took the Lord's Supper for the first time this year. Even Fred went through the entire service barely making a peep. Afterward we joined our friends that had been doing everything they could think of to include us in their activities at a birthday party for one of the kids.

No at the end of the day there weren't any streamers or Midnight kisses under a sky full of fireworks, but just the same things feel new again and I have no doubt we did manage to fix what once went wrong.

Look Out For That Fork In The Road!!!!

Here comes another turning point.....a fork stuck in the road....time has grabbed me by the wrist and is directing me where to go....

No I'm not announcing the end of Charlie Blockhead, in fact due to some major changes just over the horizon I may have more time than ever to post. After almost 6 yrs with Anderson Press Inc, I was recently offered a supervisors position at Whitesell Corp. Thanks to a mysterious envelope containing an advertisement for a job already filled and featuring nada in the way of a return address, I have somehow found the next step in my path to the top of the corporate ladder. With only the words "Apply Now" written in pencil at the top, the no named sender somehow convinced me to send in my resume. It wasn't until half way through the interview that I realized it was for a supervisor's position and not a lonely account analyst's job.

Though I'll miss a ton of things about Anderson Press including the great discount I got on coloring books, the new job is 3 minutes from home and Fred's daycare compared to the half hour trip I'm used to. This means more time at home and more time to spend posting. We'll save on gas, food, and the new job comes with a paid country club membership....yes I'm bragging a little, but I'm ultra excited.

Of course with any new job major challenges come with the change in atmosphere. New employees to get used to. New software to learn. New goals to reach for. I've been around long enough to know it won't be easy at first, but eventually I'll make the job my own and get the hang of things. For now I'm mainly focusing on Broccoli's wedding, wrapping up the loose ends at Anderson Press, and getting Fred to wear his official ring bearers uniform which may take a visit from Mickey Mouse himself to pull off.

If you're reading this ye ole mysterious mailer of classified ads....your good dead will not be forgotten and will be passed on to another very soon.

Sideways Pop-Tarts

Now that Fred seems to have an opinion about every thing from what shirt he wears to The Hill to the proper way to stack the growing legions of stuffed animals (Baby Bear, Baby Bunny, Goofy, Mickey, Poo Bear, Eeyore, Dolphin, Pablo, Tasha, Tyrone, Blanket Bear, Frog, Tad...all of which must be in his bed before he can go to sleep) as a control freak myself, we seem to be having a constant battle as to just who's way is the right way and who's way things are going to get done. I feel for poor Lucy in that it's a common joke between women that their husband is simply another child to take care of, yet at times it's like I've fallen asleep and woken up in the middle of a round of "This is the way this gets done/This is the way I do it/But that's not the right way to do it/But this is the way I get it done" and I can't seem to find an end to it. A game which is started at a moments notice and involves such trivial things as getting into the car properly, the right way to play with a Slinky, and how to brush your teeth.

Only many times what I consider to be trivial, is actually a major deal with Fred in that it's important to him to learn to do things himself. In some ways I miss the little baby we once had that required our constant attention to survive, then again as I meet him on the couch every afternoon at 5:30 for a half hour of The Mickey Mouse Club House I can't help but smile as my little boy decides that eating a Pop-Tart sideways is exactly the way it should be done. In fact as I join the masses headed for work at the Cube Farm every morning, part of me screams for a chance to be different from those surrounding me from 8-5.

Who knows....maybe they taste better sideways.