Monday, February 06, 2012

They Paved Paradise And Put Up A Parking Lot

The new place will feature an apartment for Gigi so I thought we'd talk a little bit about that tonight. Now of course I can't attest to this from personal experience, but I can say that it seems from my perspective that the best part of being a grandparent is probably the ability to leave the chaos behind and go back to your quiet little slice of heaven just before things get out of control. Now although Gigi will have her own space large enough for a couch, bed, full bathroom, etc....I do worry that she's hasn't fully considered what she is trading her quiet single occupancy life for.

Let's take tonight for example: Dinner is just about done and Adam has decided to walk around with his sandwich instead of sitting at the table. Alex is shouting HEY MAN! at the top of his lungs every few seconds which is something we had been practicing at Wal-Mart for 30 minutes but he refused to repeat. Suddenly a High-Five contest breaks out, Mommy included. The problem with 5 year olds of course is that they don't know when to quit. In seconds the High-Fives turn into jack slaps followed by cries of pain, screams of fright, and of course there is the HEY MAN!! going on in the background. Next Mandy steps outside to take out the trash and apparently Alex begins making more. I take Alex, Mandy goes her way, and Adam is left at the table by himself. Alex was wearing a diaper but little did we know he had a wedgie which caused things to exit stage left. At the moment I'm realizing this, Adam screams that something is in Alex's highchair. I pull the baby's pants off, poop is smeared from his waist to his big toe, and now I'm screaming. Adam runs down the hall to help by bringing a plastic bag, takes two steps into the room, the smell hits him head on, he throws the plastic bag in the air, it lands no where near where I'm at, and takes off running through the house screaming YUCK GROSS YUCK! I've got the baby on the diaper table with one foot in the air trying to keep his hands off his bits and pieces which are covered in sludge, he starts crying, Mandy comes, grabs, the bag, and without realizing what she has done grabs Alex's leg thus covering her hand with what must have been Alex's lunch at some point.

By now I'm looking for an exit strategy so I immediately grab the diaper and pronounce it must be taken to the garbage that Mandy just conveniently rolled all the way to the curb for the next morning's pickup. I'm walking out the front door and I hear her shout there's no way he's coming clean with wipes, so she gets Adam to turn on the bathtub water. Alex goes in the tub, gets a five minute scrubbing, and Adam who has been running around the house naked waiting for Alex to finish, immediately jumps into the bathtub...slipping of course on all the soap left behind from Alex's bath moments before. The house shakes from the force of the fall. I take off in the direction of the bathroom to find Adam laying on his back, the shower water hitting him in the face, Alex is across the hall and getting his pajamas put on by Mandy, he spins around to the sound of the crash thus launching himself off the changing table and is barely saved by Mandy who managed a quick grab for his leg, now both boys are crying.....meanwhile Gigi is at home in beautiful peace and quiet living the life I only dream of.

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