2-Month Baby Fred Update

Wow!! Fred just turned 2 months this week and life is moving along at the speed of light.
Things are just happening way too fast. So I thought I would take a second and list all the wonderful things that are going on.

*Lucy started back to work this week and Fred went to stay with Aunt Amy. She wasn’t his aunt when the week started but they became so close we have upgraded her from friend to relative. Like it or not she is now part of the family.

*We’ve had some issues regarding daycare recently and by what can only be described as a blessing from God, we finally landed in a very good place. We put ourselves on the waiting list as soon as we found out Fred was coming. Two weeks ago a very good friend offered to do the job for less money, but had to cancel at the last minute due to extenuating circumstances. By this time we were already off the daycare list and somebody had taken our spot. We searched high and low, and with one phone call were able to move from the bottom of the waiting list to the top. He is now going somewhere closer and will be spending the day with several friends he sees twice a week already. Thanks to everyone who prayed that this would work out.

*Lucy started to work on Monday, but didn’t really start until Thursday. She’s an assistant bank mgr. and due to security issues, she was locked out of her computer. So she spent the first part of the week filing and dreading the mounds of work that waited just out of arms reach.

*Fred finally knows who I am. I know this sounds funny but I didn’t think it would ever happen. Now when he hears me, he smiles real big and begs for me to hold him. Let the fun begin.

*Halleluiah!! We are getting more sleep. The baby is only waking up once a night. We are even taking turns so that we each get to sleep all night every few days.

*My baby has eyebrows!! He just found out they were sitting there all along just waiting accentuate his moods. He likes to sit and bounce them up and down. He goes from mad, to sad, to surprised, back to mad. This is ssooooo much to watch.

*See boy. See ball. See boy kick ball. That’s right!! We are one step closer to being the parents of the starting field goal kicker for Auburn University!!! War Eagle Baby!!!
Now I know technically he is just kicking the inflatable ball on his exercise mat, but you have to crawl before you can walk.

*Baby got back. He is at 15lbs now!! That’s double what he weighed when he was born. We are already putting stuff up that he can’t wear anymore.

*Goodbye formal living room, hello playroom. We are quickly coming to the realization that the toys will never stop coming in the door. His room is already full with baby stuff, but now there are wagons, blocks, trains, pretend houses, and no where to put them. So we had to make a sacrifice and since we never sit in there anyway… goodbye formal, hello fun.

*Finally, Fred is getting his shots today. Nobody is looking forward to this, especially not Lucy. Momma hates to hear her baby cry and Daddy hates to hear Momma cry.

I Know a Secret.

Somebody told me their secret this week.
We were just having a normal conversation about life and ROAR the giant secret leaped out of the bag.
This new bit of information came as such a shock that I actually got watery eyed for a minute.
One thing is for sure I will never see the person in the same way again.

I know what you're thinking. Did somebody come out of the closet? Is somebody having an affair?… No.
This is a good secret. Somebody I know is helping somebody and nobody knows.

I was completely floored when I found out. What got me the most was this person has been doing this for so long that they just group it in with the things that fill their daily routine. This person cuts the grass, takes out the trash, pays the phone bill, then takes a few minutes and ...somebody’s life is different.

Man I wish I could tell, but what makes this such a great secret is that the person who told me has no idea how powerful the information is. I’m afraid if I tell, the person might decide to stop out of modesty.

Just know that one day if you’re lucky enough, you will meet this person in Heaven.

So Here's to the J's!!

Couple Friends are extremely hard to find.

I gotta like him. He’s gotta like Lucy. Lucy’s gotta like her. They gotta like us. We gotta like them. They need to live close. Kids have to get along. Salaries have to be similar. They don’t want to eat McDonalds every weekend. We can’t afford Red Lobster for every meal. Do we call them? Do they call us? Is it our turn to have them over? Didn’t they just come over here? Is he funny? Can they cook? Do they like what we eat? Do they like board games? Is he a jerk? Does she think I’m a jerk? Do we all have to be in the same place at the same time for the dynamic to work? Can the guys go to a game and the girls go shopping?

We are talking planets aligning, pulling triple 7’s, Haley’s comet type luck that must occur for a successful couple friend connection to be established.

This week we are loosing the J’s.

We met them at a weekly devo a few years ago and it turned out that they only lived a block over. Since then we have become the closest of compadres. We’ve shared dinners, movies, cranium all-nighters, cross town moves, football games in the rain, a house full of puppies, and multiple pregnancies.

The J’s are moving to Michigan.

We all know that long distant relationships don’t work. Sure, there will be phone calls and emails sent. They may come back and we may go up there…but just like that girl who once promised to call every week and return next summer, life gets in the way and things never seem the way they once were.

The planets realign, triple 7’s are pulled once again, Haley’s comet comes back around, and new friends are made.

So here’s to the J’s!! Two of the nicest, kindest, funniest, most sincere individuals we will ever have the privilege of knowing. They are blessed to have each other in life and we are thankful they shared part of it with us.

100 Reasons Why I Love Lucy

She’s kind.
She’s pretty.
She’s funny.
She’s smart.
She’s very quick with a joke.
She’s full of love.
She’s the definition of grace.
She’s a hard worker.
She’s the reason I am the person I am today.
She’s confident.
She’s got eyes bluer than the ocean.
She’s as fragile as rose.
She’s got an iron will.
She’s able to put up with a blockhead 24-7.
She was the most wonderful mom even before we had Fred.
She’s my best friend.
She’s the most exciting person I have ever met.
She’s got a smile that could convince me to step into on coming traffic.
She’s very competitive.
She never gives up.
She always finds the best in those around her.
She cries during greeting card commercials.
She laughs at herself and other people.
She cooks a mean chicken parmesan alfredo.
She is never satisfied.
She can be the class clown one minute and the principal the next.
She has really good taste in men.
She like animals.
She can multi-task.
She watches Kung Fu movies with me even though she hates them.
She can remember someone’s name regardless of the time spent with them.
She is a faithful Christian.
She never takes out the trash.
She constantly puts up with my insecurities.
She’s is the sexiest girl I have ever seen.
She does not lie.
She can remember a gazillion church songs.
She is a good listener.
She sings to Fred everyday.
She likes to read.
She keeps a journal for Fred to read when he is older.
She doesn’t mind that I hate to dust.
She knows I will never quit biting my nails but she tells me to stop everyday.
She is very good at budgeting.
She can make you feel like her best friend in 5 seconds or less.
She makes homemade meatballs and spaghetti.
She forgives.
She is willing to trying anything at least once.
She loves the beach.
She is very happy with her life at the moment.
She misses me when I’m away.
She goes out of her way to help people.
She’s got tiny little freckles on her face.
She’s got this laugh that gets in your head and becomes the soundtrack to your every thought.
She cries when she sees dead animals on the side of the road.
She can take care of herself.
She would eat frozen burritos every meal if it would give Fred the life she never lived.
She remembers the past and uses it to make a better present.
She can wake up at 5:00 AM to go yard sale shopping, but barely makes it out of bed at 7:30AM so she can be at work at 8:00 A.M.
She likes to make fun of strangers.
She makes the most of what she’s got.
She smells like roses.
She is very patient.
She likes to lay in bed and watch movies on rainy days.
She likes to build tents out of sheets and kitchen chairs in the living room.
She’s a smart shopper.
She buys me ice cream even though she knows it puts me in a sugar coma.
She has never seen The Predator or Indiana Jones.
She’s the reason I wake up in the morning and rush to bed at night.
She likes scary movies.
She does not take no for an answer.
She can quote every line of The Goonies.
She doesn’t believe in dinosaurs.
She likes to make lists.
She likes pizza and hot wings better than steak and potatoes.
She doesn’t let Fred cry himself to sleep.
She likes surprises but always tries to ruin them.
She has to have a stocking every Christmas.
She doesn’t want flowers on Valentines Day.
She always needs a new purse.
She likes to act out SNL skits. “In A Van Down By The River”
She watches cheesy Lifetime movies.
She never throws anything away.
She is helping to plan her high school reunion.
She likes to hold hands.
She will never be able to watch Bambi or The Lion King again.
She is always prepared for any baby related disaster.
She doesn’t wear too much make-up.
She looks better now than she did in high school.
She likes to take longs walks around the neighborhood.
She sleeps best when it’s cold.
She doesn’t like to watch the news cause it’s too depressing.
She would rather stay home with me than go out with friends.
She once talked me into driving 9 hours to the beach after working a 10-hour shift on a holiday weekend with no hotel reservations.
She never looked more beautiful than that morning after we slept on the beach all night.
She knows she is spoiled and makes no apologies for it.
She is already planning our second child.
She deserves more than I will ever be able to give her.
She is already wondering what to get me for Fathers Day.
She is the fulfillment of every wish and every dream this blockhead has ever had.

Just A Swing’n!

The bouncy seat is just one of 50 pieces of furniture in our baby arsenal. There’s the bouncy seat, papison swing, crib, cradle, bassinet, walker, high chair, car seat, and baby gym/tent. All of these are designed for one purpose and one purpose only…rest. Not for the baby but for Mommy and Daddy.
Now some will try and tell you that these things are good for exercise or they can be educational, but that’s like frosting on cake. Nobody wants the cake part it’s just there so we don’t look like a bunch of fatties for eating a bowl of frosting.

Also, if there were anyway for the above list to become available in “adult” sized models well that would just be the most awesome thing ever!!

I can just see myself kicking back in a giant swing listening to the sounds of the rain forest and staring at fake birds and butterflies circling overhead. Better yet I want my own bouncy seat except instead of a fake aquarium, I want a real one! With a real sea horse and turtles and I would hire a midget to scuba dive in it and fight an octopus. I’d call it the Bouncy Couch and instead of some cheesy elevator music it would play Jimmy Buffet and would serve buckets of fresh crab legs at the touch of a button. Man that would be the life... Just sitting back, getting bounced around while listen to Buffet, eating crab legs, and watching a midget fight an octopus.

I Know What You're Thinking Daddy

3:00 A. M. Wednesday:

“Hey Daddy. What are you doing?”
“You gonna put me in that rocking bed thingy aren’t you.”
“Buuuut Daddy, I was sleeping really good with you in that chair with the handle on the side.”
“Yep, here we go. Just like I thought.”
“ Don’t forget passy!”
“Good Daddy. Now hit the what-cha-ma-call-it that makes the bed feel like I’m sleeping on the clothes washing thing-a-ma-bob.”
“What are you doing now Daddy?”
“Oh your eyes are getting heavy. I know what you’re thinking. You think I’m gonna take a nap. Poor sleepy daddy.”
“I’ll tell ya what. I’ll just lay here with my eyes open and be very quiet so you can go to sleep.”
“Whaaaa!!!”
“Oh nothings wrong Daddy. You’ve just been asleep for a long time and I wanted to see if you were ok.”
“How long have you been asleep Daddy? Oh about 3 of those minute things”
“No, I’m ok. I’m just gonna lay here and watch these teddy bears dance in a circle.”
“Daddy how come the teddys don’t get dizzy? I am afraid they are gonna hurl on me, Daddy.”
“Daddy, I’m bored with this game. Surely you know I’m not gonna go to….”
“WHAAA!! Daddy wake up!! I am talking to you!! Rude, rude Daddy.”
“No!! I said I am tired of the teddys and passy has no taste! How come it’s not grape flavored or somethin’?”
“Ok Daddy now you are getting me steamed.”
“ I know, let’s go watch Conan. I hear he’s got Jeff Goldblum on the couch tonight.”
“DADDY!!!!! NO SLEEPING!!!”
“Whaaa… Oh hey Mommy!! You were over there the whole time?”
“Oh, so you wanna go watch Conan? Ok.”
“Daddy is such a poor listener.”

The Blog Fog

This past week has been such a blur. We’ve had storms, birthday parties, Fred’s been waking up at weird times of the night, and to be honest the Angry blog took some of the wind out of my sails. I don’t want to dwell on it too much, but it was a very hard thing for me to write. I wrote it 3 days before I even posted it. I just kept it on file at work and kept going back to read it. Like a band aide on your leg, you’re gonna have to rip it off eventually and it might take a chunk of hair…but you can’t just leave it there forever.

It was something I felt I needed to put out in the ether. Every time I would go to delete it, I’d stop at the last second and promise myself to come back to it later. I even began saying things to members of my family like “I’ve got this blog and yes I know you think some of my stuff is fun, but this one is rough” or “Be aware that part of the reason I write the blog is to help other dads who might be going through the same thing. That means sometimes I may post things that seem harsh but are actually just me attempting to be as honest as I can about the new daddy thing”

So I posted it.

Things really have been busy for us the past week. We had a daycare all picked out, but due to some hidden concerns about the whole baby: babysitter ratio (which was about 8:2) we decided to go a different direction. Fred will now be taken care by an individual instead of an institution.

Anyway that captured every brain cell I had for 2 days. Lucy was supposed to go back to work but got a last minute pardon from the Governor. Unfortunately it was only for an extra week and then it’s back to the daily grind.

I got sick for a day due to a very late dinner at a questionable Mexican restaurant. I still have the jingle “GOTTA GO GOTTA GO GOTTA GO RIGHT NOW” bouncing around in my head.

We went to a Curious George birthday party and a college graduation party all in the same day. Both had cookies and cheetos.

So you see I really just haven’t been near the computer much. Which is a lie cause the truth is I’m looking at the blog everyday and I read about the Angry man…and I wonder if it should have been posted…

The good news is that I have been writing blogs in my head all week and they should start popping up fairly quickly for the next few days. I’m also a little concerned about weather or not anybody is reading my stuff. I’ve started a campaign to get visitors. I know that just because I’m not getting many comments doesn’t mean it’s not being seen.

Oh well if you’re out there give me a shout about “The Angry Blog” it might help me get past it.

The Angry Blog

I tend to have a good time. I think I laugh more than most. However, my job does require me to get a little sharp with people at times. I know for a fact that there are some in my circle of friends and family that think I have a short fuse. Truth be told when it comes to somebody criticizing my immediate family...I can get very angry. Considering some of the things that I have lived through, it must seem a little odd that I don’t have an anger problem.

My parents divorced when I was five and I remember things that happened. Angry things. I pull the band aide away from time to time and jab at the scar so I won’t forget how bad the cut hurt.

My mom raised 2 kids by herself, while my father moved around and moved on. We were dirt poor and anger was just part of it. She eventually married an angry man. Sometimes a violent man. A man who was sick everyday I knew him. I lived with this old, sick, angry man for 10 years and when I was shot out the other end of the tunnel…something was different. I respected him. I hated him often, loved him always, but never thought I would understand him like I did towards the end. I could be the biggest jerk you have ever met and all I would have to do is tell you a few stories and you might forgive me right then and there. He died from cancer a few years ago and thankfully by then we had found our father/son bond very much alive. I don't condone everything he did...but I understand it. He never understood my annoying habits or odd quirks...but he respected the person I had become. I know this because he told me.

My career choices have been magnets for those angry at the world. I repossessed furniture for a few years. Collected past due medical bills from cancer patients and those far less fortunate than myself. I once worked for a man I now refer to as "THE DEVIL" and this is after being a Christian for more than 2 years. I have a very good job at the moment. My life is filled with more blessings than I care to think about or have room for on this page.

I talk to my father every week now. I love my half brother and sister as if they had grown up in the room next door. I am not angry about how his part in my life turned out. I have spent some time lately thinking about how much I love my son and how excruciating it must have been for my mother and father. The decision to end things must have been like continents ripping apart. I have tried to imagine how gut wrenchingly miserable my parents must have been to decide divorce was the only solution.

I'm not writing this as a complaint or to whine about my past. I have read a lot of blogs since finding out I was going to be a dad. None of them mentioned anger. I had thought up until last weekend that maybe I was the only one that felt he was failing miserably at being a new dad.

So I decided I needed to right an angry blog. A painfully honest blog about what a dad goes through when it's 3:00 in the morning and he can feel the cracks forming in the foundation. The feeling of anger that that is born from lack of sleep and loss of control. The sudden slap in the face when you realize that after 30 years of doing whatever whenever, an 11-pound baby is your new boss.
Fred is 6 weeks old this week and I know people say the first few weeks are hard but I never new of the desperation. The feelings of being at the complete mercy of a baby that can only communicate through cries, screams, breathe holding, and scratching. There are times when Lucy and I have both felt that we could take no more and begged for things to be silent for just 30 seconds. It is in those moments that I feel the anger. That I raise my voice a little more than I should. I change my tone towards Lucy and small things turn into 100 lb weights. The lack of sleep gets to you and makes you crazy. I know for a fact that I will never loose control over my actions. I have seen the consequences of being the angry man. I know that story leads to a lonely hospital room.

This week I learned that sometimes every new dad feels like he is losing ground. I am not the only one who gets scared cause your wife has been with the baby all day and you want to pull your own weight by letting her sleep but the baby's been crying for an hour and you have to get up for work in 4 and so your upset and wife is upset and baby is still crying and the animals are going nuts cause everyone is yelling and you just changed his diaper 5 minutes ago how could he need another one and he won’t stop screaming!!!!! These are the times you take a breath and remember you are just living out 1 day and hopefully there are 100's more to come.

Sometimes every dad gets angry. It's what happens while you’re angry that decides what kind of father you are going to be.

A Long List of Why's

Why are there cartoon characters on baby diapers? The baby doesn't know who Elmo is.

Why do I put down the Elmo diaper and choose the Bert diaper instead?

Why is he soooo fascinated by the ceiling fan? How can I use this to get him to stop crying?

Why did people make such a big deal out of his first Easter? For all he knows, everyday is Easter.

Why does he sit in his bouncy seat all nice and quiet during the 1 millionth viewing of a Raymond rerun, but scream his head off the second American Idol comes on?

Why do they call them diaper genies? Here's a wish "Make it where I don't have to change a 100 diapers a day!"

Why does he insist on sleeping to the one that makes me use the bathroom? His bassinet plays 3 nature sounds. Birds singing, crickets chirping, and WATER RUNNING.

Why did I eat the sample of frozen fried shrimp on isle 6, the ice cream sample on isle 8, and the gummy fruit gusher sample on isle 10?

Why didn't they have a Pepto sampler on isle 12?

Why have I still not seen the "Kramer gets a front porch episode" of Seinfeld?

Why does Fred scream like a wild banshee when his Mimi calls to see how we are handling things?

Why do parents turn raising a baby into a competition? My baby started sleeping all night at 5 weeks. My baby started at 3 weeks. My baby started sleeping all night at 2 weeks and was able to change his own diaper at 8 weeks. My baby taught your baby how to do that.

Why does he like to be held in my left arm and not my right? Are my shirts gonna start fitting me different because of it?

Why do I feel like my cats are about to throw a mutiny? Is it my paranoia or their need for more attention?

Why does Fred think it is funny to drop a bomb after I have spent 15 minutes getting him dressed?

Why can't he sleep at home like he does at Church?

Why do I think that the second he closes his eyes it's ok to plop him in the bassinet? It never works. He always wakes up.

Why is there a spotlight built into his crib mobile? It's so bright I think his eyes may be changing color.

Why do people think it's ok to just walk up and start poking at the baby? Do they like to be poked in the rips with a finger? Next time it happens I'm gonna reach over and poke them back.

Why do birds suddenly appear when you are near? Sing it with me!!!

Ok so that's my list. Time for feedback. What are some of your WHYS?

Oh and if you like what I'm posting leave a comment and tell a friend.

The DaVinci Clock is Ticking

I have a major deadline coming up. I'm trying everything I can to reach my goal, but May 19th is staring me in the face and no matter what I do it keeps getting closer.

I'm all about goals and time tables. My life is a constant "Gotta get this done by this date".
Sunday we put Fred down for a nap...let me rephrase that...Sunday Fred passed out after screaming for an hour. Not to get off on a rant but I understand the being so tired you feel like your gonna start crying and loose control of all bodily functions part. I too struggle with it everyday. The difference is Fred has nothing to do. He just eats,poops, and it's lights out. See ya in 2 hours. Same Bat-Time. Same Bat-Channel.
Why do baby's fight their sleep? Do they think they are missing out on some secret fun? Cause their not. What they are missing out on is 2 hours of home repair. Someday we'll be able to ask a 2 year old "So our viewers are dying to know. Why did you scream like somebody was yanking your toe nails out? Why didn't you just stop crying? Did you know that when you stop making noises that it's easier to fall asleep?"
Maybe then we'll find out that apparently all babies are born with the belief that the circus set's up camp during nap time. If they can just stay awake long enough they can see Mommy ride a tiger while Daddy is being balanced on the nose of a seal. Combine that with all the free cotton candy you can stomach and it's easy to see why they aren't so willing to zonk out for a couple of hours.

Anyway, back to the clock ticking in my head.

The baby just passed out. We have 1 hour and 57 minutes to clean the house.
Ready... Set...Go!

"I am going to fold these clothes and be done in 5 minutes. Then I'll spend 30 minutes talking to my mother. Then that will allow me 20 minutes to lay down before the baby is hungry again."

"Ok. I'm going eat a candy bar, pretend to watch a movie, but really fall asleep from all the sugar. I will wake up in 1 hour and 50 minutes. Then spend 7 minutes saying I'm sorry for not helping you fold the clothes." (Guess which one was me talking. lol)

I like to read. I have to read. Before Fred, I was reading about 2-3 books a month. Well that immediately ceased, no big surprise there. However, I did think that I would be able to read at least 1 book a month.
See I am the last person on this planet that hasn't read The DaVinci Code. I keep a list of books I want to read and it was never the right time, so it kept falling to the back of the list. I decided to read it before the movie came out on May 19th. After the movie comes out it will be too easy to skip the book and take the easy way out at the theater. This meant I had to step up the pace. So instead of going to the library, I bought the paperback. I had plenty of time before the movie came out. I had plenty of time. Now I'm 3 weeks away and spending way too much time dodging movie previews.

What I didn't plan on was baby Fred developing SUPER HEARING. I can understand him being awaken by the sounds of the floor creaking, a door shutting, a cat screaming as it gets beat cause it is again trying to sleep in the car seat, the phone ringing...but I never in a million years knew that pages in a book being turned make a sound that only babies can hear. I can read the left side of the page, then the right, then I just have to put the book down cause once page 3 is lifted (and I mention page 3 cause that's as far as I've gotten in a month) the second it starts its' journey from touching page 4 to resting on page 1...SUPER HEARING kicks in and I'm left trying to find away to cram 10 clowns and a giraffe under the couch cushions while Lucy distracts him in the other room

I am so LOST!!!

I have an addiction and it's time I confessed. I am obsessed with the television show LOST.

In case you’re not familiar with it, the following is a brief summary:

A plane crashes on an island somewhere in the pacific. The plane was going from Australia to the U.S. The survivors form a tribe of 47. Monsters show up, mysterious people that look like everyone else show up, people are kidnapped, a hatch and a hidden bunker are found, big mystery about a science experiment gone wrong, polar bears attack people, black horses start running around, every episode centers around a flashback of what happened to one of the passengers before the crash, all survivors are connected to each other but don't know it, these numbers keep popping up and causing everyone trouble, millions of questions, zero answers, and to make it that much more awesome each episode builds to a edge of your seat, bite your thumb off, jaw dropping cliffhanger. Just when you can't take it anymore the word LOST hits the screen with a loud thud signaling the end of the episode...I AM ADDICTED.

I've been addicted to shows before. The X files, Buffy, Angel, but never this bad.

Something happened last week that made me loose touch with reality for just a second.

It was right at the end. The edge of our your seat part. One of the bad guys had been captured and was describing this machine that we are all dying to know about. He's nasty looking, all beat up from being tortured, and he starts whispering the info we have all been dying to hear. I am on the edge, Lucy is leaning way over. I promise if a tornado had come and blown through our neighbor the tention in that room alone would have supported the entire house.

The bad guy is describe seeing this machine that is a huge piece of the puzzle. He says, " It was making a humming noise. It was getting louder and louder. I took a step towards it and BLAM!!!!"

A white light shoots out and covers the whole TV screen. At that exact moment this popping noise echoes through the room. Nothing but blank screen follows. I immediately jump up and proclaim that was the best episode of anything I had ever seen in my life. I had just witnessed the single most amazing piece of entertainment ever known to mankind!!!

I turned to see Lucy's reaction, sure that she is just as amazed as I am...but what I find is a curled up nose and a look of disgust. You see, when things explode and catch on fire they produce a smell. As I gazed at Lucy, still drunk on great TV... I inhale the fumes from the fire...coming from my 8 year old 27inch TV...

Now a normal person would freak out, get a little upset, and start thinking about the money that just burned up in front of us.

But I'm a blockhead.

I turn, see Lucy snarling at the horrific smell of burnt rubber or whatever TV's are made of and instantly something clicks!!! If what I saw wasn't the end of the episode...than it's still on!!!! Immediately I bolt to the other room to catch the last 2 minutes. Completely engulfed in my addition.

This sends Lucy into complete shock. Instead of making sure the fire was out, unplugging the TV, doing something about the smell, or getting the slightest bit upset that in a blink of an eye we just lost $300. I chose to watch the last few seconds of a television show as my first priority. Yes I admit it wasn't the correct reaction...but man what a great episode.

What Does the Butterfly Say to the Caterpillar?

Sorry to everyone who has visited lately to find that nothing new has been posted. As you can probably guess things have been sorta hectic with baby Fred and my priorities have made a dramatic shift. I promise to fill in the gaps and get back to making two posts a week. Maybe I will even nail down a day like Tuesdays and Fridays. We’ll see how it goes. Honestly I had thought about calling it quits but Lucy and others have said that they would miss it. And the truth is so would I. So I'm moving the blog closer to the top of my to do list.

I know things have changed quite rapidly in my world lately, more so now than during the actual pregnancy. And I knew that I was turning into a different person, but I just figured they were minor changes. For instance I still watch TV. I just don't sit there like a zombie. Plus I'm no longer lured into things that have cliffhanger endings. This includes reality shows. I admit I still watch Idol and I swore long ago to never miss an episode of Lost. But even with these shows I have to make sure to put a tape in because time with Fred means more to me now.

I still like the same music. Linkin Park, Fall Out Boy...I still rock to them everyday. The only difference is sometimes I bust out with Carlos The Bus Driver or Wheels On The Bus. Again these are just minor things. It's not like my whole personality has changed...or has it?

See we went to dinner with 2 sets of couple friends after church Sunday night. Couple A has a daughter and Couple B doesn't.

Everybody sits down and BANG the conversations are off. It's a free for all. I'm talking to her and she's talking to him and they are talking to us. The subjects change so fast it's like watching a basketball game with words instead of a ball. Just one of those good "hanging out with friends" kinda times. And believe me! We desperately needed one after being mom and dad for a month with no outside contact.

It must have been about 30 minutes into it when I began to realize that Couple B had quit talking as much. Guy B was actually playing with a hair that he had found on his collar. Girl B had that zoned out smile and nod going on.

I thought, "What's up with them? They always have a lot to add to the conversation". I did a mental rewind to see what they had said... which was very little the more I thought about it.

Then it hit me...we were only talking about the kids

Guy B had brought up movies, but who has time to watch a movie when there's a baby that needs to be changed. Girl B tried to steer the ladies toward shopping... but that only lead to who had the best price on diapers and onesies.

I felt really bad for couple B. I could not think of one thing to say that didn't include baby Fred.

Sports: I did see that game the other night. It got down to the final seconds and Fred started trying to hold his bottle....um uh.

Lawn Care: Man I love cutting grass too. The smell of the yard when I'm done. I've started putting Fred in his bouncy seat under the oak tree...oh…ha…there he is again.

Everything is connected to Fred now. I remember being like Couple B and being bored to tears, but that was cause those parents weren't as cool as Charlie Blockhead and company.

Afterward we each got in our cars and drove away. I think we may have left more than empty ketchup packets and napkins behind. I think we may have left couple B behind as well.

This is not something I want to happen. I miss couple B. There are times when I miss being couple B.

That's why this week I'm left wondering "What does the butterfly say to the caterpillar?" and "Can they ever relate to each other again?"

The Scariest Part of My Day.

I'm in my bed. My nice cool, cozy, soft, springy bed.
The place where I feel the safest in all the world.
Got my favorite blanket. Pillows in the right place. Lucy by my side.
The gentle tick tick tick tick of the ceiling fan as the chain taps the light.
My deep sleep inducing bed.

It starts softly at first. Like the soundtrack from JAWS except with a grunt.
nngh....nnngh.....nnngh.

"What was that? Did y....did you hear that?!?!?" I whisper to Lucy in the dark.
"No go back to sleep" she pleads.
So I do for what feels like a half a second, but may be 10's of minutes.

nngh...nngh...Nngh
"What!!! I know heard it that time. I think I gotta look!!!"
"It's ok. I don't even hear it. It must have stopped." poor poor Lucy
This time I'm not so convinced.

Nngh Nngh NNGH!
I raise up slowly to avoid the bed making any creaking sounds.
Must be quite.
Make no noise.
It's right next to me.
The edge.
The thing that invades my dreams and haunts my every thought.

I sneak up to it.
NNgh...NNgh..NNgh.

With all the nerve I can muster at that time of night...I slowly peer over the edge of the bassinet.
NNGH!! NNGH!! WAAAAYY! WAAAAYY!!
IT"S AWAKE!!! IT'S ONLY BEEN 2 HOURS AND HE'S BACK FOR MORE!!!!
QUICK FEED HIM!!! CHANGE HIM!!! GIVE HIM WHAT HE DEMANDS!!! DO IT NOW!!!!!
MUST KEEP HIM HAPPY!!! PLEASE BABY FRED LET ME SLEEP!!!!!

My New Suit!!

I have a new suit.
My new suit keeps me warm in the winter and cool in the summer.
It's quite small at the moment ...but it's getting bigger everyday.
I spent months worrying about this new suit. Can I afford it? Will I be able to keep it in good shape? Will it be the kind of suit your proud to wear and show off to your freinds?
The second I decided to buy a suit,I began day dreaming of what it would look like. Would it be the kind of suit that would make people ask "Hey. Is that your suit over there in the corner? I thought so. It looks like you"
Lucy took her time getting it. We had to make room in the closet. Had to make sure we had everything we needed to keep it clean and smelling good. Can you believe she took time off of work just to get my new suit? I guess thats why if you look from just the right angle..you can see her in my new suit.
My new suit keeps me up at night and puts me to sleep during the day.
I'm fearless and scared to death when I'm around my new suit.
The second I put my new suit on I forgot all about TV,movies, food, work,hurt feelings and old grudges.
My new suit is the most amazing thing I have ever seen and will ever own.
Lucy bought my new suit on March 20, 2006.
I named my new suit Baby Fred and it covers me like nothing ever has before.

The Birth of "BAM!" or "The last weekend"

It’s official Monday 20th is the day Baby Fred arrives. Which means that this is the last Charlie/Lucy weekend for the next 18 years. Now before you say it, I know we will be alone together at some point within the next 6 months. The thing is, once the baby comes we may be alone together but we will also be keeping one brain wave on what Fred is doing without us.

In case your wondering, if you take the first letter of our first names and put them together it spells BAM!!! The funny thing is that’s exactly the sound I’m hearing in the distance. It’s soft right now but it’s definitely there and getting louder every day.
BAM…BAM…BAM… and by Monday morning I’ll be rolling over slowly, checking out the room, trying to hold on to the last frames of a good dream and then…BAM!!!! my life will change.

What’s on the agenda for the last weekend? We thought about renting all the movies we’ve missed the last few months and trying to become one with the sofa. Then we thought about going out and having one last bash with the friends. A short trip would be nice. Maybe pickup a few “last weekend” gifts for ourselves.

All of these were talked about…but like it normally does, reality set in and it looks to be a normal weekend around the Blockhead house. I saw a few spiders this week, so I need to spray around outside. Lucy is going to a baby shower. That knocks out Saturday morning. I’ve got one last piece of baby furniture to assemble. We just received a new computer and the directions need to read so I can start spamming people with baby pictures. It was somebody’s birthday so a trip to the grandparents on Sunday will kill any plans for that day.

After 8 years together, I guess for us … the best weekends are the ones spent just living life and not being locked away in front of a TV or in a car on the road to some mall. Sure those things are nice, but can they compare to assembling a bassinet and watching your wife’s eyes light up? Is there anything more fun then new parents emailing baby pictures to relatives that live far away? I can’t think of any other way I would want to spend my “last weekend”. Just the two of us living life like there’s no tomorrow. Trying to pack in as many things in a 48hour period as possible.

So, just to see who’s out there…Now that you’ve seen how we are spending our “last weekend”. How would you or did you spend yours? (Comments please!!! I wanna see who’s reading!!)

P.S. I will try to make at least one post next week but I think I’ll have my hands full.
I promise to get back on a regular schedule as soon as I can.

Have I Mentioned My Other 3 Children?

We have 3 cats…. Buttons and Sassy on the inside, and BooBoo Kitty on the outside.
I'm not sure when it happened but at some point within the past eight years our animals have turned into 2-year-old children.

I know that they are 2 because I've heard from "real" parents and what they have experienced with their "real" sons and daughters at that age. I've been warned of temper tantrums so loud that the very foundations of the house have cracked. Tall tales of nightmares experienced by parents after hours of screaming "Get down, put that down, come down here, let go, let's go, stay here, stop that, and stand up!!"

I find myself saying the same things to our "children" every 5 minutes.

I don't think the problem is anything they are doing out of the ordinary. The problem is that our "real" son is a week away and our "babies" have turned back into cats.

Why I'm A Blockhead. Example #249

I mention over in my "About Me" section that sometimes I have a tendency to do things so aggravating…. so frustrating…so mind numbingly dumb that the shear terror of the event is completely wiped from my brain.

I had a great day going for me. Perfect weather. Lunch with the very pregnant Lucy. Good day at the office. Too good to be true.

Lucy had stopped and picked up this years car tags. You know what I'm talking about right? One sticker for the month and another sticker for the current year.

I'm not that great at listening and I have a tendency to hear "waw waw waw waw waw waw waw" when actually the person is really saying something important like "Sir your hair is on fire"

Anyway Lucy gives me the stickers, a kiss goodbye, and a "make sure waw waw waw waw waw". Lucy left, I slapped the stickers on, and off I went back to work.

Now I sing so bad that the mere sound of my performance has been know to make a cat shed all it's hair in the middle of winter. Except apparently when I'm in the car by myself. There's something about that little enclosure that makes me think that if Randy, Simon, and Paula were sitting in that back seat they would steer me straight to Hollywood.

It was in the middle of my performance of "Still Unwritten" by Natasha Beddingfield that I began to decipher the final part of Lucy's instructions.

"Make sure you put the stickers in the right spots."

I said to myself with a "that poor miss guided silly silly woman" chuckle "What kinda moron puts the $80 car tag stickers in the wrong place? Like somebody would place "07" over the month so instead of "Feb" "07" it ends up "07" "06""

Well a moron didn't do it…. A blockhead did.

Where The Streets Know My Name

I’ve lived in the same place for 30 years.
Not some big city like New York or Chicago, just a small Alabama town of 50,000 people.
I always wondered what it would be like to live someplace else. Part of me thinks that it might be kind of sad.
See I’ve lived here so long that after awhile the place turned into a living novel. Almost as if I had written my biography, ripped the pages out, and hidden them across the landscape.

Every building, tree, and back road holds a chapter hidden somewhere under a rock or a new coat of paint.

The 3 year old me waves from the park where I chipped my tooth on the merry-go-round. My dad was with me that day.

The field where a 17 year old goof and 9 of his closet friends made an attempt at cow tipping. We got ran off by a vicious dog that we never saw and only heard from a distance.

I drive past the old grocery store where a cashier met his future wife 6 years before their first date. The shadows of friends long moved on still hang around the parking lot.

The bad memories are there too… there was a time when I thought maybe a change of scenery would hide the mistakes and scars of my past. Then I turn a corner or take a different route to work and a new story with a familiar cast blows past me like leaves before a storm. Man, I got a lot of stories to tell Baby Fred.

5 more days till Baby Fred arrives….

The light at the end of the tunnel.

We have a due date!!
Unfortunately the Doc decided that it was going to have to be a C-section. Lucy has been hurting pretty bad the last few days and just giving her a date it would all be over with made her breathe a little easier.

We went in for the regular appointment. Nothing unusual. Nurse came in checked the heartbeat. Everything was fine. Blood pressure was good. Lucy’s doing great. I mean anybody who can work up until 2 weeks before her due date is a trooper in my book.

The Doc comes in, checks under “the hood”, and gives us the news.

He had been mentioning it the last couple of visits and we kinda figured that’s the way it would go down. So he says, “Let me go next door and talk to my assistant and we’ll figure a date to do the procedure.” Then he leaves the room.

That’s when Lucy starts hyperventilating.
It must have hit us both at the same time cause I started getting nauseous…right then, right there, while we sat in a tiny room with no magazines, no Reader’s Digest…nothing but a scale, 2 stools, and a gurney …the Dr. was choosing Baby Fred’s birthday!!

A day that we would celebrate for the rest of our lives was literally being decided on the other side of 2 pieces of drywall. We came so close to passing out that I would have sworn he had turned on the sleepy gas before he left the room.

But just before we slipped off into a full-fledged comma…he came back in.

On March 20th 2006 shortly after 7:30 am… Baby Fred will finally be seeing how beautiful his momma really is.

BECAUSE I HAVE A PERSON INSIDE ME!!!


I hear this from Lucy at least 6 times a day.

Don’t get me wrong. It is a very valid and good answer to my blockhead questions.
“The phone is right there…why can’t you get it?”
“Why do I have to go to the store?”
“Why do we have to eat Taco Bell again tonight?”

I’m not a jerk. I have doubled what I normally do around the house and that’s always been more than most. I cook all the meals, wash clothes, clean the kitchen, and do it all with little complaint. You name it and I either do it by myself or at least add the muscle. But it’s been 9 months and I am just plain beat-down tired.

The thing is, now she’s just saying it at random no matter what is being talked about.

“Man I should have went to bed earlier. That movie wasn’t even that great”
“I HAVE A PERSON INSIDE ME!!!”

“Pizza for dinner was a mistake. My acid reflux is killing me.”
“I HAVE A PERSON INSIDE ME!!!”

“Did you hear those cats fighting last night?”
“I HAVE A PERSON INSIDE ME!!!”

I feel so bad for her. All kidding aside, he’s already 7lbs and the Dr. says he still needs a few more weeks to cook. Like it or not Baby Fred is about be given an eviction notice.