Daddy Got Back

I don’t want to go into my physical faults (I sound like giant girl half the time on this site as it is), but I have packed on some pounds lately. At first I went through this whole denial phase where I kept blaming Lucy for washing my clothes wrong, then I decided that I needed to find a better excuse before I started having to wash my own stuff.

Then I tried to pass it off on my hypoglycemia, but almost had a nervous breakdown once the junk food around the house got replaced with fruit. Blech.

The buckle on my only belt (it was reversible!!) broke off…I tried to say it was Fred’s fault because he obviously stepped on it. That may have worked if he was 16, but clearly I was grasping at straws by saying my 1yr old could bend metal.

Without a belt for a week I managed to moon more people than a busload of drunken football players after winning the state championships. So many people saw my butt rumors began circulating that Britney Spears was in town. I showed so much crack that I was made an honorary member of the Alabama Plumbers Hall Of Fame. I mooned so many people Neil Armstrong got the gang back together and planted a flag in my butt.

Ok enough jokes. It’s not all in my butt anyways…Lucy says I’m getting giant lower back. I scared a couple of kids last night at church after I bent over to pick Fred up. They ran away screaming “Mommy it’s going to butt munch us!!!”

I’m not really into exercising and cutting back on eating isn’t helping….I may have to do a sit-up or two instead of a fruit rollup or three.

 

Technorati tags: weight lost, exercise, parenting, fatherhood, britney spears, neil armstrong, crack addictions