Tuesday, May 15, 2007

I'm Sick Of Gender Benders

One think I love about Charlie is that it gives me a chance to scream at the world without having to bare (or is it bear?) the consequences. I say this like I’m not a smart alec (or is it smart alex?) in really life and never shoot my mouth off. It’s actually quite the opposite although I still never fully scream like I want to. Always holding back just bit so that I’m not white sheeted (black-balled) from places of worship.

Well today’s rant is all about names. I’m fed (or is it fead?) up with people getting Fred’s name/gender wrong. The gender thing REALLY TICKS ME OFF. If you’re elderly or blind, you have an out on this one otherwise take notice. HE IS A BOY. A MAN. WITH MAN PARTS MAN THOUGHTS MAN TENDANCIES AND MAN BEHAVIOUR. He farts and scratches his butt first thing in the morning and burps out loud when it’s least appropriate. JUST BECAUSE HE HAS CURLY HAIR AND A CUTE FACE DOESN’T MAKE HIM A NANCY!!! Yes his mother insists on taking him out in public dressed in fru fru jumpers with lacey looking collars and socks that look like panty hose, but it’s blue. BLUE MEANS BOY-PURPLE MEANS GIRL-RED MEANS BOY-PINK MEANS GIRL-GREEN MEANS BOY-YELLOW MEANS GIRL!!!! Get your gender colors right bucko!!!

Next up his name is FRED not SAM. This one is directed at you Mrs. Substitute daycare teacher. If I walk in and say “Have Fun Fred” “Have a good day Fred” “I love you Fred” meanwhile his best girl ‘Sunshine’ simultaneously begins screaming, “Fred is here!! Fred is here!!!” the second he walks into the room. Do not. I repeat DO NOT CALL HIM SAM. No wonder he was crying when I left, he thought I had given him to a stranger who immediately decided to change his name. Please know that I was trying hard not to be overly rude when I said “HIS NAME IS FRED!!!. WHERE IS HIS REGULAR TEACHER MRS. JUNEBUG AT?”

The last one happened to Lucy this week as well. If his mom, grandmother, and an entire retirement home full of elderly residents tell you his name is Fred not Frank than quite possibly you just might be wrong ye you have only heard his name but not yet been introduced to him. Please tell me you are not seriously still wondering why we call him Fred to his face but Frank to the rest of the world. If for some reason this seems like a greater possiblity than you just being wrong, than I'm sure Lucy would like to stick a 25 pound watermelon up your butt for nine months, have it removed from your most private of areas, and then see your expression after she asks "Why do call it watermelon when it's really a cantelope?"


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