Heart, Soul, And Thoughts Of The Unknown

This past weekend Lucy's dad Aka Pops suffered a major heart attack while attempting to help me install our new dishwasher. Lucy and I have both mentioned this on our Facebook pages and before I go any further I want to thank the countless friends who have gone far far out of their way with everything from offers to watch Fred, tons of prayers, and helping us get our kitchen back to something we can function in. Thankfully Pops will be fine with some help and after a quick surgery planned for Wednesday morning, he should be getting close to coming home. That doesn't mean things will return to normal though.

Other than the obvious changes in Pop's lifestyle which will include kicking that cigarette habit and working some exercise into his routine, things may never be the same for any of us who were around him that day. First off there's the guilt. Guilt over fixing him that big breakfast loaded with his favorite country ham. Guilt over asking for his help to install the dishwasher. Guilt for the years spent depending on him to always be there. Obviously this is all silly and in the end does nobody any good, but still the "What If's" have suddenly crept upon us all.

Just that morning we found ourselves under the kitchen sink covered in grime. Men in our natural habitat. I mentioned we were talking about having another baby and asked if he had heard. As it turns out he had and wondered what my thoughts were on the subject.....somehow we got distracted before I could answer, but I now believe that if I'd gotten back to the topic my answer would have been vastly different from my thoughts on the subject later that night. Something about being in that hospital, wondering it's long halls looking for a tucked away coke machine, the uncomfortable chairs, and the smell of sanitizer reminded me of all the great things that took place the last time I spent hours there.

We are all looking at ourselves differently in the mirror. Not to dare say we are overweight, no it's more a look of fear. Fear for what may be going on inside us that we aren't aware of. Every little pop and pain that we have convinced ourselves is nothing more than part of the aging process, is now something we are considering having looked at. Personally I wonder how my heart is holding up under 250lbs of bacon, pork chops, and double quarter pounders with cheese. My ankle has been killing me for months and I swear the second Pops is back home and safe, I'm going to have it looked at. During those hours waiting to get the latest news on how he was progressing, I took a sleep apnea test that was on the back of a well placed brochure...turns out I have all 5 symptoms.

We are severely lacking in the emergency prep department. Lucy took off with Pops in the car leaving her cell phone behind. I struggled to remember what hospital they were going to. Gigi didn't have a clue what Nani's number was so Maynard (Lucy's boss and Fred's new uncle) was asked to watch Fred while Gigi tried to find what happened to her family which had not called in almost an hour.

Over the past couple of days a million thoughts have ran through every one's mind. What if he had not shown up to help us that day? What if he had been by himself? What will we ever do without him. What happens next? I wish I could say I knew, but the only answer I know for sure is the one that follows the question of : Will I ever take life for granted again? No....among my prayers every night is the small request that I never forget how quickly things can change.