Wednesday, August 16, 2006

With Great Power…

Life for me started out in a trailer park just south of the Tennessee state line. I guess if a person had to rank such things, they’d say that this particular trailer park was on the low end of the spectrum in terms of elegance. My parents had just turned twenty and life left a lot to be desired. Both being from strong Christian backgrounds, they made sure I was introduced to the right and wrongs of life very early on. After all, a trailer park isn’t always home to the best specimens of life. The thing is I was always safe. As my world grew and situations changed, my family always made sure my brother and I were taken care of. Through the divorce, the years of being a family of three, the introduction of a new “dad”…we never missed a meal, never did anything worse than throw rocks at one another, we never had to worry about the hard choices in life.
Once I turned sixteen I began working as soon as I could. I knew every inch of that grocery store and had no clue where all my money went. Mom was still there backing me up, making sure those values stayed in place. There were some hard choices. Sometimes I didn’t always do or say the right thing. To this day I’m still a huge jerk when I want to be. The choices I made, to a certain degree, only affected me.
In college if I had chosen to do drugs, which I didn’t, the life of my parents would not have changed much. Sure they would have been upset, but it would have been my body that ingested the toxic fumes or my life that I risked ruining due to addiction. If I chose to drink, which I did, my parents would have survived had I become an alcoholic or mistakenly did something stupid while in a drunken rage.
Once I got married and took on the role of husband, hard choices were around every corner. Luckily for me I didn’t marry a stupid lady. If for some reason I quit my job and decided to follow Cold Play around the country, she would be able to make it on her own. Of course she would be devastated, but as my better half she’s stronger than I every thought about being. It might take some time, but ultimately I would be the one that would suffer the majority of the consequences.
This all ends at the exact moment the sperm meets the egg. The wife cares for the child inside her, arms and legs are created, the cutest button nose you will ever see is put perfectly on that angelic face, and as soon as he emerges…the doctor literally places is life in your hands. No longer will the wrong choices affect you and maybe indirectly somebody else. The days of doing what feels good no matter what kinda of hot water you’ll be in the next day are over. The hard choices become harder and an entire life…75+ years of somebody’s future may hang on doing the right or the wrong thing.
You start leaning on those values you learned in that trailer park a million years before. You begin to understand that the only the worse than doing the wrong thing is know the difference and not caring. Once my son was born I started this blog and I started hardening my opinions on things I had become too neutral about. I realized that if something goes against your beliefs and you let it slide…then you may as well not even have any beliefs. How effective is a God that you pray too when you need something but ignore when you feel like you know best?
We have decided to change churches…as new parents, mommy and daddy take their roles very seriously and with that comes the need to instill those same values that were taught to us by our Christian families. The need to “do as I say and as I do” is very strong. The hard choices never get easier but once made they sometimes seem less important. If we say there are mistakes being made, rules being ignored, consequences not being felt, and all the while we continue to worship in the same place…what does that say to Fred about the way he should live his life. Who respects those that know the rules, but ignore them for they the sake of peace and false tranquility…nobody that’s who.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I completely understand...and I spent days, weeks, even feeling guilty after reading your blog..guilty about not leaving...but then I thought of the other couple who had come to our church looking for something, and the mom, who is new, with three children who confides in me when she has troubles, and the older members who don't even know what's going on but get a HUGE smile on their face when they talk to my child and then I realized that I was meant to be there regardless of "who" had done what b/c "who" isn't as big as our church, my church, God's church. So, alas, hopefully I have made peace with my decision. I just hope this decision doesn't make others think poorly of me or that I"m not a good friend, or that I'm standing for what's wrong. Because I'm simply standing where I've always been looking toward the Lord knowing that even though "my" church has problems, the problems are never as big as my God or the love for all the hundreds of people who attend who have all sinned at some time or other. And I'm through judging, through letting this consume my thoughts and eat at my heart and just simply praying for it all to get better. "Who" has as of today acknowledged that he hurt someone and hurt his reputation with others and has apologized and asked for forgiveness. I don't know that it's sincere, I'll probably always doubt that it is, but I do know what my Bible says. I hate all this happened. We miss you guys (all of you) and love you. I pray that you all know that my staying has nothing to do with being on a side, or showing lack of support...it has to do with a feeling that I'm meant to be there, because if all the good people leave what does that help? All it does is leave others a little bit lonelier...nothing is as sad as seeing where once vibrant people you loved sat but what is now an empty space and an empty classroom on Sundays and a little less full classroom on Wednesdays, and a less full class for your child. I'm not trying to be mushy or make anyone feel bad, I just wanted anyone involved who reads this to know my thoughts and know I miss you all and love you all. I respect everyone's decision (including mine) b/c we all have to do what is best for us and ours when it comes to spiritual matters. And even if we don't worship here together I look forward to worshipping in Heaven together.--Love You All- Amy, Mitch, and Abby