Boys Will Be Boys

When you have a son, it’s just a given that certain things are going to happen that you wouldn’t necessarily have to worry about with a girl. For example, someday we are all going to be at the park (please dear God let it be the park and not a wedding reception) and Fred will have to go to the bathroom. Instead of looking for a restroom he’s just going to pull his pants down and let his freak flag fly. If we had a girl, this would never happen…and if it did then there are more than just bathroom habits that need fixing. Girls just don’t pee in public.

Want another example? Without a doubt there will come a time when Lucy is doing the laundry and she will pick up Fred’s underwear only to find a skid mark so long you would think he had tried to avoid hitting a deer. Not going to happen with a girl. Girls are candy and butterflies. Boys are mud and frogs. Girls use napkins and toilet paper. Boys use their clothes or just plain forget why they are sitting there and run off to play.

Finally, if I had a girl I wouldn’t have to worry about flying peepee. Sure you pick any baby up without a diaper and you run the risk of getting wet. With boys though, once the pants come down anything within a five-foot radius runs the risk of getting hosed. The funny thing is that sometimes the accuracy of the stream is so exact that you would swear there was some form of aim and calculation of trajectory involved. Case in point, Lucy was bending over to turn on the bath water. I was holding Fred away from me (so I wouldn’t get hit twice) and at exactly the right moment, as the angles lined up and the currents shifted just enough…he turned on the hose. The stream hit dead center in the middle of Lucy’s ear. Not the lobe. Not the back of the ear. Right into the eardrum it went. Proving once again that there are some things that boys do that you just don’t have to worry about with girls.