This Does Hurt Me More

Today I'm here to prove a cliche. We all grew up hearing our parents say "This hurts me more than it hurts you.", right before they hit you with a belt so big it would bring a smile to the face of Rick Flair as he imagines holding it high above his head. Before we had Fred I always thought this was just something parents said to their kids to justify the beating that was about to take place. After all, what the phrase really says is that "I want you to learn this lesson so badly that I am willing to cause myself pain if it means that maybe just maybe you'll never make this mistake again." As if every swing of the switch simultaneously leaves a visible red mark on the child and a deeper unseen mark on the parent.

As I am now officially the parent of a 3 yr-old I can tell you that while I don't feel every smack on the butt, I definitely am pained before, after, and during the experience. The most painful thing about punishing Fred is that it simply kills my night. All day I spend my time at the office day dreaming about playing cars, tossing the football, playing golf, putting together a puzzle. Not once do I ever think "Man I can't wait to get home and make my child cry all night. What I wouldn't give to sit on my couch and not hear what I'm watching as the sounds of Fred whaling his lungs out echo across the neighborhood." You can't very well head off to the Space & Rocket Center moments after discovering your son took a swing at his "favorite" teacher. Plus...and this may sound wussy, but remember I've worked behind a desk for ten years and have been a part-time freelance writer for 2... it kinda hurts my wrist a little. Even if we pull out the dreaded wooden spoon of pain there's still some wrist action that takes place and typically causes a few aches n's pains.

Instead of "This is going to hurt me more than it will hurt you." maybe everyday I should just wake up go straight to my son and say "Look I know you can't help yourself, but could you pleeease not do anything bad today? I don't want to spank you. I don't want to talk about the bad thing you did with your mother all night. I don't want to hear you scream like you've been shot after only one pat on the but. Basically I don't want you to ruin my night. So before you go out into the great wide open, before you crawl under the class room rug after being told not to, could you please remember your dear old dad and just go make a tower?"

Crap And Other Words I Can't Use No More

Now that we have a 3 year old the time has come in our journey where we learn how fun it is to copy all the things that people say. Sure it's fun to copy something just moments after you hear somebody say it, but it's even more fun to spring the new word or phrase when you least expect it.

Among the words/phrases that Fred has begun throwing out there recently are:

• Crap-this one is all me as I've even caught myself saying it at church


• Stupid-this one got him beat within an inch of his life


• Oh My Gosh- this one has been altered some what and now comes out Oh My Goodness


• What am I going to do now- I think Lucy says this on a regular basis


• Well (pronounced Whale)- the moment Fred is bored with the conversation this is his clue that he's moving on


• I'm the boss- this one disappeared for close to a year, but now for some reason has reared it's ugly head once again.


• I can't do it- another phrase that is heavily discouraged


• Your my best friend- this one gets thrown around a lot and typically gets bestowed on whomever is spoiling him at the moment and not telling him no all day


• We going to do it after later?-this one is automatically thrown at you the moment you tell him no.


• Okay but after later?- comes after the no to the question above

3rd B-Day Pics

Under The Influence

Things have been swirling around our lives lately faster than I dare even try to blog about. I truly believe that if your life isn't a constant mix of coming, going, doing, and seeing than you aren't really living. Don't misunderstand me; I'm the first to scream "I need a break" as I head to the couch for a day of napping/movie watching. Still though now more than ever it seems that we just don't stop until we literally pass out in front of the T.V around Midnight every night. More and more I feel like a weather man attempting to predict what is going to happen next only to change the forecast at the last moment when it's obvious things aren't going to work out like I planned them. Every week brings a new storm or an unexpected event that leaves us feeling....Under The Influence.

Under The Influence Of Career Changes
Lucy began working from home this week. She's still with the same company, but they merged with a larger firm and part of the deal was that she got to move her office into the front room we never use. Meanwhile it seems I changed jobs at the worst possible time and although Accounts Receivable has always been a guessing game, now more than ever it feels like circumstances change with every passing moment. How many days past due should you let a customer go? When is the time to hold all orders? Who will fold under the pressure of the bad economy next? I never stop asking myself these questions.

Under The Influence Of The Thundering Three's
They say the Terrible Two's are the worst time in raising a child, but here a week away from Fred turning three I'm starting to wonder if those that believe that ever managed to survive long enough to see what pending doom lingered just over the horizon. Fred is...is...my favorite part of life, but he's also the most frustrating (he can understand when Diego speaks Spanish, but the words "Come Here" are foreign to him), most terrifying (how many times can one person hit themselves in the head without having a concussion?), most rewarding (last week I was his best friend, this week it's GiGi), most laugh inducing (recently we found ourselves at an auction waiting for a painting to bid on. Fred thought we said something else and began running around the room screaming "WE ARE WAITING ON BIG PANTIES!!), most peaceful (there's nothing like having him fall asleep in your arms while watching an old movie), most guilt inducing (Do I spend too much time working? Are we teaching him enough? Is it ok he only eats goldfish and cheese burgers?) thing I have ever experienced. Some days I want to kiss him. Some days I want to choke him. Some days I find myself wanting to the both within the same half hour. Now that he has discovered my ability to be a Smart Alec I just know we haven't seen anything yet.

Under The Influence Of New Friends
Fred has been making some new friends and the results have not all been positive. This week our son learned the word Stupid. This may not seem like much but after hearing it uttered for a large portion of my life, I'd rather he had learned on of those 7 words that George Carlin was told never to say on TV. On the flip side there are a couple new names on the invitation list for his birthday party (10:00 this Saturday @ the Highland Park COC. It's a cowboy party so don't forget to wear your chaps) which brings me to....

Under The Influence Of God
There for a while I thought maybe we would stop going to church all together. Part of being a christian is realising you are far from perfect and that sometimes without even knowing it you can find yourself in a position which seems a million miles from where you know you should be. We could blame it on a lot of things, but ultimately we were the reasons why we almost quit going to church. We got lazy and stopped working on our spirituality. Thankfully some very nice people never stopped telling us how much we were missed. We are back in church and I know it's God's influence on our lives that has made me happier than I have been in quite some time.

10 Signs Of Aging I Wish I Didn't Have

Once again I find myself in between freelance writing jobs and though at first I welcomed the break, now after only a month I've suddenly discovered that all this extra time has left me feeling a bit old. I'm looking at things differently, hesitating when I used to charge in head first, and dare I say....finally becoming an adult! I decided to list the changes:

1. I'm incredibly excited when I discover my mailbox contains the latest issue of Family Circle.....and not just because of the great recipes either. I'm actually reading the articles.
2. I can't seem to stay awake past 10 without taking a short nap first
3. I'm biting my tongue. I used to see something I thought was wrong or disagreed with and immediately begin telling the offender why they were wrong. Now I simply say something nice and keep my opinion to myself.
4. My DVR is set to record Jeopardy every day.
5. Sunday isn't complete without watching CBS Sunday Morning. I love the nature scenes and the tales of how life used to be.
6. I can't sit the same way too long or my ankle begins to hurt for hours at a time.
7. I'm always watching, reading, or listening to the news and can talk hours about the weather.
8. I'm always barking "WE NEED TO EAT AT HOME AND QUIT RUNNING THE WHEELS OFF THE CAR!"
9. I'm thinking about dying the grey out of my hair.
10. The moment I hear it's 55 or below outside I cancel all my plans and begin telling people I think I'm coming down with something.