Building The Perfect Child

I know it’s not possible to do, but as parents our main concern is turning this crying, crawling, crapping, cute thing into a contributing member of society. If when they are our age they are living happy normal lives, well than we’ve succeeded. If they turn out like Brit-Par-Lo-sy….then maybe something more could have been done. This being our second year as parents Lucy and I are learning just as much if not more than Fred with every passing day.

For example we no longer say “Let’s go get some chicken nuggets” or “Nani/Gigi are coming over.” This is a huge no-no! You see in Fred’s mind all he hears is “some chicken nuggets” and “Nani/Gigi”. He doesn’t understand the words “later on” or “on our way back” or “let’s go” To a two year-old there is only now and if you are offering something then you must be prepared to deliver it the moment the words fall from your lips otherwise welcome to tantrum-ville. At this point Lucy and I never discuss what we are planning for the day, we just surprise him and save him from any possible disappointment.

Another thing we are learning about Fred is that he’s quickly setting himself up to be different from other kids we know. Not different in a negative way, but different as in when parents say things like “My kid sleeps in his bed all night” or “My kid loves ice cream” or “My kids stays up to midnight every night” we say “Fred likes to come to our bed in the middle of the night” and “Fred hates sweets and would much rather eat corn than ice cream” and “Fred passes out where ever he’s at by 8:30”

We’ve noticed several other differences between Fred and other kids:

1. He loves going to school and never cries when we drop him off. As a matter of fact the promise of school is what gets him in and out of the bathtub every morning
2. He hates to leave school. He literally started throwing rocks at Lucy cause she had the nerve to try and take him home last week. (And yes he was severally beaten on the spot)
3. Fred likes to watch golf more than he likes Sesame Street. And by watching golf I don’t mean “I like to watch it while he plays in front of the TV” like somebody insinuated the other day. On the occasional Sunday afternoon he can often be seen curled up next to me watching Tiger take on the back nine.
4. Fred loves to take out the trash. In fact if he had his way that would be how he would clean house. Just throw everything in the garbage can.
5. He hates the number 1. Refuses to say it and always starts with the number two.
6. He purposely calls people the wrong name just get a laugh out of them. Na na naaa Gigi! Hahahahahaha. Da Da Da Mommy!! Hahahahaha
7. Body Slamming somebody is more fun than anything else this world has to offer. Forget the Wonder Pets and Backyardigans, if you’re laying down near my son everything other than the thought of jumping on top of you like a human trampoline just fades into the background.

It seems that here lately everyday ends with Lucy and I taking a mental inventory of how the day went in regards to Fred and what if anything we could have done better. “I shouldn’t have lost my temper” “He did really good washing his hands” “Need to spend more time Potty Training” “Time-Out seems to be working”

It’s these types of conversations that I think allow us to keep up with our progress as we try to mold a happy child. Notice I didn’t say perfect. Perfect is impossible and those who try only create monsters. No, for Lucy and I all we want for Fred is one word HAPPINESS.