Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Welcome To Golfers Anonymous

Hi. My name is Charlie Blockhead and I'm a bad golfer. It's taken me a long time to stand here today and admit that I have a problem, but like with what happens in other cases where addiction is involved my eyes have been opened thanks to an embarrassing moment that I may never live down.....I was beaten by a 90 year-old man who had not picked up a golf club since 1997.

Ok so he wasn't exactly 90 years old and in my defense I did have Fred with me thus my parental instincts only allowed me to keep one eye on the ball so that the other could make sure he didn't accidentally fall into a water hazard or get beamed in the head because he doesn't know that the word Four has another meaning. Still while Fred wasn't that big of a distraction and even ended up paring a couple holes himself , I simply meandered my way from hole to hole with what amounted to a golf bag full of wet noodles. All of this of course occurring on my 33rd birthday.

I have yet to beat anyone I have ever played, so I got myself a ringer...or so I thought. He said "I'd love to play golf with you my handsome, intelligent, charismatic grandson and my cute as a button, long haired, genius of a great-grandchild. I have to say though it's been 10 years since I last played and I might be rusty." To which I replied "That's ok Rusty. I'm not that great either. Forget keeping score, let's just have a good time." All the while relishing what I was sure would turn out to be my first victory on the green links.

Obviously things did not turn out the way I had intended. Yes it is true that while he had not played in over a decade, what I did not know was that my dear grandfather was hustling me. As I learned just moments after he crushed his first 350+ drive down the center of the fairway, my grandfather who spent his entire life working from sun up to sun up with only mere minutes of sleep to get him through one day and on to the next had actually considered turning pro only to give it all up of the love of family.

Therefore it is with much pain and sadness that I come before you today, hat in hand after being spanked by Grampa Woods, to tell the world I.....am going to beat that old man if it's the last thing I do!!!!! I WILL GET YOU RED BARON!! YOU HAVE DECEIVED ME FOR THE LAST TIME!!
While I go practice my chip shot (as well as my tee shot, bunker shot, fairway shot....) enjoy some pics of Fred and his great-grampa aka Grampa Woods.

1 comment:

Dad Stuff said...

I know exactly how you feel. I took many a floggings on the golf course from Grampa Pete.
What you have to do is, get a knife and make a small cut just behind his knee. He'll hit everything to the right. He'll quit the game. (very loosely paraphrased from Caddyshack)
I really need to watch that movie again.