You read it correctly. The rumors are true. No need to have some long winded Congressional sub committee look into the startling allegations brought on by a beefed up no count ex-athlete turned punk author looking to make a quick buck. I confess.
I Charlie Blockhead come before you today to admit that I have and am still currently taking steroids……AND I’M LOVING EVERY MINUTE OF IT!!!!
After all they are not only knocking out the poison ivy, but I’m thinking about giving ole’Broccoli a run for his money and taking the title of BUFFEST BLOCKHEAD. I’m also considering ripping a tornado sized path through an unnamed cube farm and blaming it all on roid-rage.
Before the drugs take full effect and while I’m still able to feel sympathy for others, I’d like to also apologize in advance to the members of my family for my future attitude. Remember Fred that’s not Daddy telling you boys don’t wear yellow sunglasses, that’s the drugs talking. Lucy….well Lucy since every year at this time I seem to find myself once again trying to get the Prednisone monkey off my back all I got to say to you is be thankful it’s only for 7 days and remember how happy I make you the other 51 weeks of the year…..on second thought I love you and deep down I will understand if you kick me out of our bed and into the cat hair covered twin bed in the next room. No matter how much I insist that I’m perfectly happy being thrown out of my own room, please know I’m secretly aching on the inside. Though Button’s nails may be longer, your heart is bigger.
As for the rest of the world your best bet is to stay out of my way and give me plenty of room to breathe if anything else for out of fear that I may actually show you the horns that grow out of the top of my head as a direct result of the steroids and that I may tell you where I plan to stick them if you don’t quit doing such idiot things as refusing to drive 1 mile over the speed limit, including tomatoes on my burger even after I have made sure to order said burger using the exact phrase “I’d like a no tomato burger, with bacon, no tomato, cheese, not tomato, and chili fries with no tomato”, and not holding the door open for me at the Hill thus making me have to enter in that stupid yet obviously necessary safety door pass key number even though I waste 5 minutes of my life every morning doing unto you while risking the annoying stare of my boss as he notices once again that I’m late and would more than likely laugh me out of the office if he knew it’s because I continuously find myself regulated to doorman between 7:35 and 7:40 every morning.
You have been warned. Exit Bruce Banner. Enter THE HULK.