My Angel Valentine

It’s hard to mention everything that goes on in the period of a week. So many times I think “Oh that would make a great Charlie post” only to have the idea swallowed up by a dirty diaper, a child refusing to eat his green beans, a story about how the bus driver was a lady and she had a beard, or my boss calling me into his office. What get’s printed is often what just has to be printed for the sake of history and all those little thoughts never see the light of day.

Unfortunately the consequence of that is I don’t get to brag about my Valentine as much as I should. She literally sets the table for me every day. I’m not talking about food (although she did fix my plate at the church potluck yesterday which was really nice) I mean that when I think about my life she has literally put everything I could ever want in front of me. She somehow instinctively knows when I’m out of undershirts and has them washed before the last one is used. She understands how forgetful I am and that I need to be reminded of things a hundred times. She knows that I cannot color coordinate clothes to safe my life and makes sure Adam has an outfit ready every night so he doesn’t leave the house looking like a garbage pail kid.

My Valentine understands that sometimes I just need to gripe and complain. That saving money makes me happy and fruit juice in the fridge brings a smile to my face. She feels the same sadness that I do when more than 3 or 4 hours go by without a word from the other via email, text, or phone. She allows me the time to write a thousand hours ever week and doesn’t give me grief when I’ve got a deadline that causes me to have to come home early from church or a night out with friends.

I pray that I do enough to show her that I’m always trying to do my fair share and that the last thing I expect is for me to be just another person in this house she has to clean up after. That she knows I understand I am nothing without her and that I regret those times when I’ve looked around to discover I have taken her for granted. I hope that I do enough to make her life easier, but ultimately it’s her that brings everything together in my life and the lives of Adam & Alex.

This Valentine’s Day I hope my Valentine knows that I am nothing without her by my side.

I've got an angel

She doesn't wear any wings

She wears a heart that can melt my own

She wears a smile that can make me wanna sing

She gives me presents

With her presence alone

She gives me everything I could wish for

She gives me kisses on the lips just for coming home

She can make angels

I've seen it with my own eyes

You gotta be careful when you've got good love

Cause the angels will just keep on multiplying

The Escape Artist

It’s hard to believe that we are approaching the birthday month. Alex will be one on 3/12 and Adam might make it five on 3/20 if he can learn to quit burping in people’s faces. While Adam is entering the frightening fives (a continuation of the worrysome one's, the terrible two’s, the thunderous three’s, and the fearsome four’s), Alex seems to be building his personality one day at a time and proving that he is very much a unique individual.

I talked a lot about Adam during his Chief Redface days and how he would get so upset that he could literally generate lightning from a clear blue sky if allowed to get mad enough. Alex doesn’t play around with forces of nature though; he puts that face right in your ear and releases a sonic blast that would make the Black Canary proud. The next day you’re left questioning everything that is said because you can’t hear out of your left ear.

Adam prides himself on being fast and is constantly searching for a pair of new shoes that will help him run like the Flash. Alex isn’t really fast as much as he is sneaky. If I didn’t know better I’d say he could teleport through space and time. Transversing entire buildings before you ever know he’s gone.

Alex also seems to be developing an new laugh that seems to be a mix of John Lovitz’s “look how great I am” and a David Copperfield sort of amazement like even he can’t believe what is happening. One minute he’s sitting in front of you playing with Wacky Town and the next off in the distance you hear “Wha-ha-ha” as he reappears in Adam’s room.….then again this could be a sign that I have poor parenting skills so I’m going to stop there.

Sleep Turrets

In five years of blogging I don’t think I’ve ever gone 4 months without blogging. I mentioned back last September about the guilt that comes from not blogging once a week after putting so many years of work into it and I’m not going to bore you once again only to abandon it only to feel guilty the next time etc…etc… etc….

First off a quick recap: The holidays were a blur of kids running wild, wrapping paper covering entire rooms, and one snow storm after another. It was cool waking up to a white Christmas (something I don’t recall ever seeing), Adam had a blast that day we got 13 inches, then as week after week brought yet another storm all that snow got real old real fast. Oh and we passed around a stomach virus for two weeks, got claustrophobic, and went to the McWane Science Center.

Now on to the point of what has pulled me out of my blogging coma….I have sleep turrets. It sounds funny but honestly at least twice a week I fall asleep on the couch only to wake up alone in the wee hours of the morning. The next day I wake up to hear how I went all Jekyl and Hyde on Mandy all the while having no memory of what was said. This does put a cramp in my marriage at times, but Mandy is used to it and I proved long ago I literally have no earthly idea of the foul vicious things I say in my slumber. Unfortunately Friday night I turned the monster loose on Adam.

The quick story is that Mandy went to bed early, Adam was still up, and I was left on the couch to watch some random show….then it gets fuzzy. I remember Adam standing in front of me, then he walked away….then he may have come back…and I think he left crying that time….I finally came to around 2 a.m. with a ton of guilt sitting on my stomach.

The next morning Mandy and I decided to interrogate the little guy to see if there were any scars. “How did you sleep? Did you like your cartoon last night? Did we hear you crying?” All we got was fine fine good fine. Which is 4 yr old speak for “Hush I’m watching Krypto”

So for the moment I am breathing easy praying that nothing was said out of the ordinary that night, but I just know twenty years from now we will all be sitting around the dinner table and suddenly he’ll blurt out how he spent weeks afraid to come into the living room after bed time for fear I might unleash a string of abuse upon him.

Time for a POP Quiz!!

Recently I've been spending some time taking a look at my parenting skills for no other reason than I probably just have too much time on my hands. Regardless of why, I thought I'd share a bit by giving a piece of the pop quiz that I seem to be taking over and over again at odd hours of the day.


1)Your child decides half through trick-or-treating miles away from the car that he has enough candy. You decide the he is: A) easily satisfied and knows when he has enough, B) is selfless and wants to make sure the other kids have plenty of candy, or C) isn't goal oriented enough and should have set the bar higher?

My answer: D spoiled rotten. After two homecoming parades in as many weeks and a grand tour of the city which resulted in enough candy to make Willy Wonka gasp in disbelief, candy is the last thing he felt he had to try hard for.

2) After taking a bath with his little brother, you catch your child drinking dirty water and pretending to be a fountain. When told that the baby most likely pee'd in the water, the child says "No big deal so did I". Your first reaction is to: A)throw up in the bathtub, B)make him drink a bottle of Listerine to burn the germs off, or C) be proud that he has yet to become the germ-a-phobe that his old man has.

My answer: C but I'll never kiss him on the mouth again.

3) While taking your child to the bathroom at Burger King, he somehow causes the urinal to self destruct sending gallons and gallons of water in the floor. After spending several minutes trapped in the bathroom waiting for the Mississippi river to go down the drain in the middle of the room. You and your child make a solemn vow to never repeat what just happened to anyone on the other side of the door. Which is broken the moment the door is opened and the child shouts "Hey guys guess what just happened" Your reaction is: A) pretend you have no idea why your pants are wet to the ankles, B) go tell the lady behind the counter that their bathroom just freaked out all by itself, or C) cram your mouth full of food and keep your head down.

My answer: While C would surely have been the way to go, I went with B after Mandy heard the blabber mouth tell the hole place anyway.

4) Fourth and final question. In the past month your child has punched his best friend who happens to be a girl in the neck, claimed no responsibility when an apparently rabid hand puppet went berserk on his baby brother, told this year's church "Santa" that he sees through his disguise, and used his doodle to hold a DVD so his hands would be free to do other things like fly through the air pretending to be naked Superman. Your reaction is to A) curl up in the fetal position and cry because you know you have been defeated by a 4 yr-old, B) turn your attention to the baby in hopes of making right what once went wrong, or C) take off your kryptonite belt and give DJ Tallywhacker a list of your demands.

My Answer: While all have their pro's and con's, I can't help but remember a story someone told me recently that has caused me to just let some things go. It appears that the elderly gentleman that greets everyone at church with a handshake Tommy Lane recently paid a visit to Adam's school. Passing him, Adam had the look on his face that he knew he had seen this person several times before but couldn't remember where. Then as he put it together, Adam stuck out his hand and gave Tommy a great big shake....which caught the attention of all the other kids in class who in turn did the same thing. Something that both Tommy and myself will always remember.

It's The Great Goose Egg Charlie Brown!

Halloween is really starting to look like it's not going to happen this year, at least not for the Blockhead crew. Adam has been showing more than normal signs of a cold (some of you may remember he just got away from having to take breathing treatments regularly the first part of this year), Alex seems have some type of fever virus and spiked at 103.7, Mandy is right behind the baby at 100.7, and me....I'm facing the possibility of having to make the decision as to whether or not to dress a sick 4 yr old in a dinosaur costume and drag him from house to house just so we can say we went Trick-or-Treating this year.

Every parent will tell you that it's those days right before a major holiday that are the most crucial in terms of keeping the family healthy. Months of sneaking from store to store picking out the perfect gifts from "Santa" can all be flushed down the drain thanks to a case of the flu or a stomach virus. Our worst Thanksgiving involved Nani, Brock, Brooke, and me sitting down to a dinner of turkey, mashed potatoes, mac n' cheese, and Mandy stuck in the bedroom puking her guts out from a dose of morphine she had gotten while having kidney stones taken out the day before.

All the cranberry sauce, presents, and candy in the world can't stop a kidney stone or stomach virus and if it's happening to you, you'd gladly trade it all till next year for a moment of sweet relief.

The Trouble With Girls

Adam...I can't even believe I am writing this....Adam is in his first love triangle. I say it's his first because after what I saw today, it doesn't look to be his last. I was never the love triangle type. My first crush was on Firestarter and her Amazing Friends. It may have been because of this obsession with all things comic book related that kept me out of love triangles or out of love straight lines for that matter. There were a few girls, but they were never right for me (code for they all dumped me). Thank goodness I somehow managed to win Mandy over. If she were to ever leave me I have no doubt I'd revert back to my old ways and become the comic book guy from the Simpsons.

Adam's love triangle between Allie and Sarah Kate spilled into a major fight last Friday. It eventually lead to some major embarrassment, a bloodied nose, and an attempt to cover one's tracks. When parents tell their kids that the punishment they are about to receive will hurt them as much as its hurts the child they are telling the truth. It might be a busted wrist from spanking without a belt, a headache from hearing "Can I leave my room now!!" 500 times, or in our case a weekend of partying with our friends flushed down the drain.

This morning I thought the triangle had reached some sort of peace, but now I'm not so sure. Danielle ran all the way down the hall just to give Adam a hug. This was followed by Madeline's proclamation to her dad that she was going to marry Adam someday. It turns out that the triangle is really a polygon.

Gone In 60 Seconds

It's amazing how fast things change. This past week after days of having it rumored to have occurred by Adam and myself, Alex finally said Mama in front of Mandy. There was some debate about what Adam's first word was (it may have been Hey, but we are saying it's Dada), but with Alex it's clear as a bell.

Saturday night gave us another example of how fast things can change and how when it comes to kids, life can turn in and out of chaos in a matter of seconds. Here is a timeline of what went down in about a 60 seconds:

• Alex, Adam and I are playing in the bed.
• Mandy leaves the room, goes outside, and opens up the trunk of the car
• Adam starts laughing and playing with Alex, rolls off the bed, hits his head on the corner of the nightstand
• I see Adam out of the corner of my eye (the Auburn game was on and my attention was torn) and lunge for his hand seconds too late
• Adam is crying like crazy and grabbing his ear. His eyes are tightly shut as the pain has clearly racked his brain.
• He goes to open his eyes and them WHAM! The entire house goes dark.
• Adam immediately screams as if Jack The Ripper just entered the room!
• "I can't see!!!" thinking that the hit on his head has caused blindness, Adam looses control and freaks out.
• I start trying to figure out how I'm going to find a flashlight while I'm laying halfway across the bed holding Adam with one arm and trying to make sure Alex stays put with whatever else I got
• I scream for Mandy.
• She closes the trunk, the exact second the lights kick on. Mandy never knowing the power went out, hears us all screaming, and comes down the hall.
• She finds Alex laughing it up, Adam blinking his eyes like he's thankful to have his vision magically restored, he's holding his ear like his brains are about to come out, and I've got this look on my face like "Did that just really happen?"

Adventures Of Peter Porker

Now that I've turned 35 I'm really starting to look at myself in the mirror and see the toll that an exercise free lifestyle has taken on my body. Not that I haven't been overweight for some time, it's just that recently it has dawned on me just how much my over grown stomach has turned into an extra appendage as if it were another arm or leg. I'm not going to give you my current weight but back when I weighed 150 I would never sit around slurping an icee through a straw from a drink that was resting on my stomach. Not because that's the epitome of laziness, but more so because I had no stomach to sit it on. It's very cool...it just wasn't possible back then.

I don't sleep on my back because it's comfortable, I do it because sleeping on my stomach is like sleeping on medicine ball. People think that I carry Alex around front facing because he "likes seeing the world", but that's just a lie I use to cover up the fact that I'm using my stomach as a seat. He's essentially riding my stomach all around the building. When Adam comes charging at me like a football player head tucked shoulder out, my best defense is just stick out the belly and watch him bounce off. I start meals seated really close to the edge of the table, I know it's time to stop eating when my stomach begins to push me back a little bit. My belt has 3 buckle holes: Before lunch, after lunch, and these pants are cutting off my circulation.

The Career Proximity Theory

I'm starting to develope this theory that the closer you live to your place of employment, the more times you are late during the course of a week. People that live 30 minutes away are always on time because they have to worry about traffic, wreaks, bad weather, etc...me I live 3 minutes away. Now that should mean I am the first one walking in the door everyday, but what it really means is that I can leave my house at 8 and get to the office at 8:03.

Lunch breaks are the worst as there is never enough time to do the million things I always seem to try and cram into that one hour period. I mean I consider myself a smart guy so why can I not figure out how many minutes are actually in an hour. Yet everyday there I am trying to write a post, watch some show from the night before, check facebook, check my 3 email accounts (one for home, one for freelance work, and one for junk mail), and play with Alex for 5 minutes.

Facebook Killed The Blog Star

The worst part about writing a blog on a weekly basis is the guilt that comes from ignoring it. The main reason I ignore it isn't so much that I'm writing 6 other articles a week that actually pay me something, but that Facebook doesn't require me to finish a thought. Here whenever I have an idea I have to think it out, turn it around in my head a few times, and edit, edit, edit. On Facebook I can say things like " I wish everything had bungee cord attached to it" and leave it at that. On Charlie that sentence would lead to a list of all things I want bungee cord on like the remote, utensils, the laptop....not that I haven't thought about it, but it's not something I'm ready to commit to in writing.

So for those of you out there who keep asking where I'm at, I'm still here and I'm going to keep posting. The posts may just take on a smaller format.

Driving Through Rainbows

The only downside to my freelance writing schedule picking up is that it severely limits the time I have for Charlie. I feel like I'm in a confessional booth every time I start to write a post here. "Dear Father forgive me. It's been 30 days since my last post."

Today Adam started his new class at The Hill. What makes this particular new class so special is that it will be his last new class before he starts kindergarten next year. When Adam was 8 weeks old we walked him through those large double doors, turned left, and walked the long hall to his first class room. Today we turned right and completed the route on the opposite side of the building. I can't help but be a little teary eyed as I think about this. I quizzed him all night about how his day went only to get the usual "no trouble!" He thinks that's all we are looking for when we ask him how his day went, but it would be nice to hear that he actually learned something. Which I'm sure he did, but in his mind all that matters is staying out of trouble so he can play when he gets home.

As for Alex his first day will have to wait a little bit longer since Mandy was able to stay part-time for the rest of the year. Sometimes money isn't the most important thing in the world and neither of us is ready for these days of having the kids home all day to pass just yet. We've been to two funerals too many the past month and are still adjusting to the shock of losing a close friend that seemed larger than life. I think of Sammy Mann at least two-three times a day. I wish there was something I could do to fill the hole he left in so many lives....

Our usual July 4th tradition is to drive south to see my Granny Beck as well as my dad and others. This year as we were going through Tuscaloosa we spotted a rainbow. As it got closer I remember we started making jokes about where it stopped and telling Adam of how at the end a pot of gold awaited for those that arrived there first. Believe it or not as we rounded the turn there it was. The most amazing reds, greens, yellows, and oranges all ending right in the center of the road....and we drove straight through it. For a split second we were actually inside a rainbow.

With each passing day I watch how big the boys are getting. I sit at my desk staring at the clock thinking of things that we can do when I get home. At night Mandy and I watch movies and laugh about the kids. Not a week goes by where we don't have dinner with friends, or go see a parade, or visit some local park. Things are not perfect, I think I've learned that they never will be. Everyone has stumbling blocks, issues they have to deal with, and challenges they must face.

I told a pilot friend of mine about driving through the rainbow and he told me that what happened to me wasn't possible because rainbows never actually touch the ground. I don't think I believe this. Tonight Adam came home and put together a puzzle in the floor with Mo. Mandy and I took turns tickling Alex. After dinner we all watched Scooby Doo....everywhere I look I still see those colors shining all around and I wonder....maybe we did find that pot of gold.

The Rules Of The Game

Now that we are nearly 4 months into this multiple child parenting thing, the rules have changed as well as the games we play with one another. The best example of this is that in terms of defense we no longer get to play zone. With one child defense is easy, you stay on one end of the room while your spouse stays on the other. If the ball...I mean the child tries to escape or stick a fork in his eye on my end of the room he's mine, if he's on your end it's up to you to kick him back into the middle of the playing field. I use the term defense because it's a child's job to constantly attack your central nervous system especially if he is a 4 yr-old Dennis The Menace. When dealing with two kids the game plan is more man-on-man. "I'll change the baby's diaper while you stop that one from running out the front door and flagging down the ice-cream man." "If you could feed this baby, I'll go give the other one a bath." What makes this defense so great is that the second you get fed up with one child you can tag out in hopes of being put in charge of somebody you may actually be able to control.

Another game we like to play is Copy Cat. We copy what Mommy says, what Daddy says, what the TV says, what the radio says. We really like to copy those things that are sure to get a reaction out of people. Curse words we don't know the meaning to. Lady Gaga songs Daddy isn't aloud to listen to anymore when the kids are in the car. Cartoons that although come on the Disney channel don't always use G-rated words. We like to stand behind people and copy every word they say until they get mad and then we like so say stuff like "Are you going to pop me?"

Which brings me to our second favorite game....the guilt trip game. "I promise I want to be a good boy Mommy. I just don't know how. Sniff Sniff Whimper Whimper" "I just don't know how to listen Daddy. I promise I try, but I'm no good at it. I love you Daddy"

We also like to play 20 Questions. This by far is our most popular game and the one we are the most good at, but in our house the parents play by one set of rules and the kids play by another. For those under 5 the game goes like this: "How come we can smell the food outside the restaurant?" "Because it has a chimney" "Why is our house a road and not grass?" "That's not a road that's the front walk. It leads to the front door" "What are we doing next?" "Going to bed!!". The parents play by a more frustrating set of rules "Adam can you go put your pajamas on?" "Adam please go get your pajamas on" "Adam did you hear what I said?" "Adam why are you playing ball and not putting your pajamas on?" "Adam do you want me to take all your toys away?" "Adam answer me when I'm talking to you!"

The one game we have no concept of....you guessed it. Quiet Mouse.

I Promise Not To Cry

Daddy do you have to work today?
Yes I do baby. I'm sorry.
But why?
Because we need money so we can do stuff. Please don't cry.
But I don't want you to go to work today Daddy.
I know, but you are going swimming at Nani's. That will be fun.
Okay Daddy. I promise not cry when you leave for work.
That's my good boy.
And when we go to Nani's I won't cry either.
Cause you're a big boy.
And when we leave Nani's house I won't cry for you then either.
Thank you. Give me a kiss and hug. I love you Adam (silently to myself I promise not to cry either).

Grandma's Fridge

Adam came home last week after visiting Mimi's house and after a few hours developed a bit of a belly ache. I asked what he ate and got a list of items that included an oatmeal cream pie, marshmallows, a piece of chicken, a couple glasses of tea, a handful of grapes, and a bite of an ice-cream sandwich. I felt bad for him, but I couldn't help but laugh cause I know from experience that even the most mundane of foods tastes better when it comes from Grandma's fridge.

Leftover pork chops, hamburgers, macaroni n' cheese, cold spaghetti....Grandma's fridge was practically a buffet of all my favorite foods. Like some kind of treasure just waiting for me to come over and discover. She never got upset. She never told me I couldn't eat something (unless of course it was Grandpa's dinner). She simply asked that we eat all we get and not throw anything away...and even then she tended to look the other way when our eyes got to big for our belly's. Once she let me put salt in my cheerios because I insisted that's how we ate it at home and then looked at her like she was crazy for suggesting that maybe I was thinking about sugar. I managed to choke down half before I admitted my blunder.

Oh and the sweet tea! Not just any sweet tea, but the tea from her glass. That glass she made just for herself in those narrow tall pastel colored plastic cups. I don't why but that was the best tea I've ever had. To this day I'm not sure that she did anything other than pour it from that big glass jar with the screw on metal lid straight into her own cup. Every time I saw she had a glass I'd steal it and she'd just smile and laugh. To this day when Adam sees me drinking sweet tea and asks for a drink I tell him he can have as much as he wants. As he gulps it down I remember that taste and all those days spent raiding my Grandma's kitchen.

Now when I go over there everything is salt free, cholesterol free, and taste free....or maybe it was always that way and I'm the one that has changed. I wonder if she would still laugh if I suddenly showed up and drank that glass of tea she just sat down to enjoy.

Morning Glory's

Now that there are four of us waking up on the weekends is always an interesting slice of life. For one thing the same people that have to be yanked out of bed by their toes Monday-Friday seem to come alive at the crack of dawn on Saturday. I'm speaking of course about Adam. I'm the oposite. Alert by 6:15 during the week and still walking around like a zombie at 10:00 a.m Saturday. Now that Alex has come along, mornings around the house tend to fall into three varieties.

1)The sun is barely peaking through the blinds, the birds are chirping, a feeling of quiet calm covers me like a blanket. I resist opening my eyes for as long as I can, but eventually I take a peek to see what time it is....wow 9:00 a.m. Adam must have fallen out of bed and knocked himself unconcious or has run away from home....either way it looks like Alex and Mandy are still sleeping too. So I just lay there and enjoy the silence as long as I can.

2)The sound of something crashing to the ground jolts me out of a deep sleep. As I open my eyes I halfway expect there to be pieces of airplane wreakage laying around me as if I've woken up on LOST beach. Suddenly Adam yells I DON"T WANT TO CLEAN MY ROOM! I'M HUNGRY! The island is angry this morning. Mandy runs into the room with Alex screaming his head off. "Alex needs to changed, I'm about to beat Adam within an inch of his life if he does not quit whining, the kitchen is a mess, my mom is bringing breakfast, and I've have got to go the bathroom. Take the baby." Things are happening all around me too fast for me to even register them. The phone begins ringing. Baby in my arms I manage to make it before the machine kicks on. The doorbell rings. "Hey mom, Gigi is at the door with breakfast, I have no idea what we are doing today. I just remembered who I was. Got another call, Hi Granny" Can't go the door cause I'm in my underwear. Adam takes off running for the door, but it's locked so he starts yelling at her through the door "I CAN'T OPEN IT GIGI! DID YOU BRING ME A CHICKEN BISCUIT?" I put the baby down, he starts whaling again, I drop the phone, grab some shorts, a shirt, all the while trying to remember where I left my keys so I can unlock the deadbolt, trip over the cat on the way down the hall barely stopping myself and Alex from rolling through the house. The day never stops from there.

3)I hear a pounding sound coming from the other side of the wall. Adam is up and going through his closet for some reason. Good he's letting us sleep and playing in his room. He comes in a few minutes later. 'Can I wear this?" Without looking I say yes. Honestly I have no idea what time it is or what he's holding up, but sleep is my only priority. He returns moments later "Can I lay on you?" I say yes, get a few jabs in my ribs as he climbs up, but I think it's sweet he wants some attention. Plus I might actually get to go back to sleep. Alex is between Mandy and I so I put my arm around Adam so he doesn't roll over on him. That's when I get the finger in my ear. Laughing hysterically Adam has decided wrestling is more fun than sleeping. I go to swat him off and he almost falls on Alex. I catch him and get another finger in my ear. My child is kicking my A@# and there is nothing I can do about it. I plead to Mandy "Adam won't quit picking on me." Without opening an eye she whispers "Boys go play in the other room we are still trying to sleep".....looks like us boys will have to find breakfast ourselves.

Attack Of The Monster Possa!

Up until a few weeks ago the closest I had ever been to a possum (other than running one over with my car) was staring out across the yard late one night at the Garfield house. At the time I swore I had scene an armadillo. That changed a couple weeks back around midnight as I stepped out onto the back porch and landed about 5 feet away from one. Shrieking like a little girl I let out an expletive and ran inside deciding immediately that the trash could wait until the possum free morning came.

Always one to have my back Mandy "encouraged" me to finish the task of taking out the trash knowing what lurked just out of sight. I banged and clanged my way to the trash making as much noise as possible in order to scare the beast away. This seemed to work except that in my haste to get outside and back I closed Buttons between the wood and screen doors. Once this was discovered yet another expletive was heard echoing through the neighborhood that night.

I quickly learned my lesson though. Don't go outside after dark and I won't have to face the giant possum (or possa as Adam calls it). Then last week at 5:30 in broad daylight as I was staring out the kitchen window the Monster Possa proved that I had more to fear than a late night stroll around the backyard. There it was just walking through the yard in broad daylight like a cat or dog except twice as big and with many many more teeth. Afraid to go outside at any time of day or night for fear the giant possa will attack at a moments notice I am have become the caged animal. Trapped in my own home scanning the terrain with every step. Fearing the MONSTER POSSA!!

Weekly Round Up 5/06/10

Now that I've got a blogging job again, I'm posting 3 days a week and it's causing me to back up a little here at Charlie. I'm going to try to at least do a quick rundown once a week just so I don't get too far behind on what's going on.

First of all as I've mention I'm a Blogger For Hire once again!!!! Check me out 3 x's a week at The Godfrey Group blog. It's all about trade shows and marketing tips. Godfrey makes custom banners, kiosks, and booths. Show me some support and click over there.

Next up I promised Jim I'd drop a line or two about the Modern Media Man (M3M) Summit coming up in Sept in Atlanta. I get a lot of daddy bloggers looking at my sight and this may be right up their alley. According the site: The Modern Media Man Summit will provide dads and men bloggers around the world the opportunity to gather in Atlanta September, 9-11, 2010 to attend an important conference featuring the latest in social media: blogging, podcasting and vlogging, while also harnessing the excitement and electricity of the Internet’s latest buzz.There are dozens of renowned conferences held annually throughout the world for bloggers, but what none of them have created is a place to gather the new modern media men, specifically, the daddy bloggers, whose influence is fast increasing in the contemporary online space. The M3 Summit’s goal is to bring together brands, bloggers, and some of the brightest minds in the industry to experience, teach and talk about how the role of Modern Media Man is changing. We know the time, location and topics of focus– educational, personal and business tracks–all will work together to generate the perfect storm in the blogosphere. This is the best opportunity of the year for men and daddy bloggers, whether they’re stay at home dads, work at home dads, business professionals, the lone entrepreneur, marketer, advertiser and public relations professional to gather in one spot and plot a new course toward progress. This also will be the best event of the year for brands and marketing professionals to reach out and make the new connections that will help further change the face of traditional blogging and social media. Today’s Modern Media Man now is a domestic engineer. He cooks, cleans and often times stays home while the woman of the home goes off to the traditional office job. Men do an increased level of the family shopping, are taking an increasing role in rearing the children and are creating a new definition of what happens in a home. The M3 Summit will be held in the heart of Atlanta in the Omni CNN Center. You don’t want to miss this opportunity to become an important change agent in a world that’s fast changing. Make your plans now to be a part of the first M3 Summit in September 2010, and be a part in defining the new Modern Media Man.

We actually had to spank Adam with a belt this week 3 times. Twice in the same night! He just can't stop jumping on the Henson's guest bed.

Alex went to the Dr today and weights 12 lbs with a length of 24". They tested for jaundice for the like the fourth time because of his color. He had to have 3 shots plus drink some nasty looking syrup. I can't blame him for sleeping the rest of the afternoon with all the trauma he had to endure.

Every Rose Has It's Thorn

I'd like to think that the reason the band was playing the classic song by Poison was out of tribute to the bands lead singer Bret Michaels who is currently in the hospital with a brain hemorrhage. Then again they could have just been oblivious to this and played it because it was a wedding and that's the kinda song people expect to hear. Either way it seemed to be the perfect theme to what Mandy and I had been going through the past several weeks. After 12 years together it's reasonable to expect there to be a few thorns here or there, but lately I think we have both felt bruised and battered by our relationship. It didn't have everything to do with the kids or how tired we both were or work stress that seems to be ever present. Money is always a touchy subject but even that doesn't feel like the reason why our connection to one another seems to have short circuited lately.

It was Mo's wedding and things were a little more chaotic than your average wedding. The blessed event was to take place outside and even though the weatherman said there was a 100% chance of severe weather (the typical stuff like hail, tornadoes, wind, rain, lightning, you know...all that end of the world stuff) the groom said during the rehearsal dinner "Come hail or high water, we will be getting married outside tomorrow so you may as well come and watch" Adam was the ring barer, Mandy was a bridesmaid, and Alex was a special attendant....regardless of how badly we were getting along I was expected to make like the happy husband support everyone the best I knew how.

The bridesmaids showed up in rain boots and just when all was lost the sky's parted and the sun came out. It was the perfect weather for a perfect day. Adam rocketed down the isle and spent the wedding trying to knock the arch full of flowers on top of the entire wedding party. When that didn't work he ran through the crowd to sit in my lap....for about 30 seconds. He got back in position just in time for the grooms brother (who at this point had given up on any sense of a traditional wedding taking place) to pick Adam up and hold him upside down as the happy couple kissed for the firs time as man and wife. Later on as the happy couple ran down the isle towards the limo through a see of people holding sparklers, Adam thrust his flaming wand of fire into the groom. Mandy spun him around and he rested it on Steve's leg who stood there having no idea he had just lost his tuxedo deposit.

After all the pictures and polite conversations, there Mandy and I stood together still feeling alone after weeks of peeking up from our respective trenches to take shots at one another before buring ourselves in the dirt again. I forget what brought it on, but the ice melted with a laugh....and then a smile...and then as if upon request the band played the song that led to the dance that helped us find the rose we had been desperately searching for all these weeks. We had finally made our way through the thorns and to the rose in the center of it all. Aren't weddings amazing.....

P.S. Special thanks to the Nani for adopting Alex for the day.

100 MPH With My Hair On Fire

I stole today's title from Jim Turner. I committed the crime because it is exactly how I've been feeling lately. Ever since Alex has been born life is flying by faster than I can blog about. The only way I am going to catch up is to give a quick recap of recent events.

• Adam had two birthday parties this year. One on his actual birthday March 20th for family and the other on April 10th for friends. The second was at Chuckie Cheese. Surprisingly enough it was actually cheaper than us getting all the decorations and finding a place. The only thing that confused the stew out of me is Adam's fear of Chuckie. Had it been anybody else's party he would have been all over that mouse, but his own and suddenly he's scared to death. Just don't get it.


• Another thing I don't get is taxes. I heard today that something like 20 years ago only 10-15% of people didn't pay taxes. Now that number is up to around 45%!! I don't know about you, but I'm tired of paying my fair share and everyone else's too. Feeling punished because I have a good job and work hard.


• Speaking of jobs I got a new writing gig this week. I was offered one about solar panels, but turned it down after the contract didn't go the way I needed it to. It was during that conversation that I was offered another for a company that sales trade show displays. Will link to it once all the loose ends are tied up.


• The baby is great by the way. Sleeps about 6 hours a night. Doesn't cry too much. The only thing that has us stumped is that we can't seem to find his thing. You know that thing that no matter what is happening manages to calm him down. With Adam it was all about bouncing on my knee and singing. We've tried bouncing, swinging, rocking, singing, patting, petting, riding, and walking....still nothing except of course eating which he must come by naturally because it's all I want to do too.


• Every time the baby starts to cry Adam hollers at us like a tornado has just landed down the street. This is nuts considering the baby is never more than 5 feet away from Mandy or I at all times. "MOMMY THE BABY IS CRYING!!!" "I can see that Adam. He's sitting in my lap."


• Alex tends to wake up at 5 and I've been saying for years that I need to be getting up at that time to go to the gym (which I have a free membership to). Still every morning I wake up get Mandy and Alex settled and I'm off to sleep for another hour and a half. Then I stare out the window all day long promising tomorrow will be different.


• We have spent too much money on Adam. His movies fell over last week and it sounded like the city library collapsed. I think we have gone too far. Considering selling some of his stuff on Ebay so we can buy more stuff so we can sell it someday.


• Watching Adam blowing dandelions and making wishes has got to be the cutest thing in the world other than Alex holding my hand.


• Work....well let's just say there are issues and I'm looking to better myself. I was always told nobody could blame you for trying to make life better as long as you are respectful of where you are now.


• We are currently working to expand Adam's horizons. Gigi took him to see Mickey Mouse and friends in Hunstville a couple weeks back (don't ask him about it unless you wanna see how Woody did his lasso and possibly see Adam take off across the room like a helicopter). I've taken him fishing twice in the past month. Mandy is teaching him to wash clothes and dishes. Tonight he helped me cook dinner. It's too easy to simply sit your kid in front of the TV and let him veg. Gotta pull out the flash cards and teach him some stuff.


• I absolutely love my iPod. May sell my soul for an iPad someday soon. Need to find away to make some iMoney so I can afford some more iTech. iCarumba!

Can You Pass The Screening Process?

This hopefully won't come off as being too snobby, but if you really think that I believe my daycare is run by a bunch of Socialists than no doubt your opinion of me will worsen this week. We are thankfully to the point in our new journey with Baby Alex where we can begin to become functioning members of society once again. Last Friday we hit up a local T-ball game, went to Church Sunday, and will be going to the big C this Saturday morning. With this new found freedom comes a very intense, sometimes disappointing decision making process that could (and probably has) left some with hurt feelings. What I'm trying to say is that in order for someone to get close enough to hold or touch Lex they must pass a screening process.

Not a full blown physical mind you, but for all that would like to touch, hold, or coo in our baby's face you need to be aware that before the opportunity arises you are being scrutinized for signs of infection. Sorta like the image you see when you are watching a movie and they change things up by giving you the robots perspective. We are RoboCop-ing you. Now we are not going to jump the gun so don't be afraid to approach. We love our friends and family dearly and in no way want to shun anyone....however if you sniff too much we hear you....cough too much we step back from you...if you talk about having to miss work because your child had a fever we fear you.

We will be subtle if we can. We will be intentionally vague about our plans to attend an event before hand as we sort out the guest list and their recent medical historys. We will do our best not to be rude, but we will be RoboCop-ing you.