Adventures Of Peter Porker

Now that I've turned 35 I'm really starting to look at myself in the mirror and see the toll that an exercise free lifestyle has taken on my body. Not that I haven't been overweight for some time, it's just that recently it has dawned on me just how much my over grown stomach has turned into an extra appendage as if it were another arm or leg. I'm not going to give you my current weight but back when I weighed 150 I would never sit around slurping an icee through a straw from a drink that was resting on my stomach. Not because that's the epitome of laziness, but more so because I had no stomach to sit it on. It's very cool...it just wasn't possible back then.

I don't sleep on my back because it's comfortable, I do it because sleeping on my stomach is like sleeping on medicine ball. People think that I carry Alex around front facing because he "likes seeing the world", but that's just a lie I use to cover up the fact that I'm using my stomach as a seat. He's essentially riding my stomach all around the building. When Adam comes charging at me like a football player head tucked shoulder out, my best defense is just stick out the belly and watch him bounce off. I start meals seated really close to the edge of the table, I know it's time to stop eating when my stomach begins to push me back a little bit. My belt has 3 buckle holes: Before lunch, after lunch, and these pants are cutting off my circulation.