The Results Are In!!!

As if I needed yet another reason to hate tests (I'm horrible at them), the results from my physical are in and the blood tests weren't good. Seems I am not the perfect specimen of a man I once was. As of this afternoon at roughly 1:00 central time, I have turned into Heathcliff Huxstable. Not the cool Heathcliff from the earlier years that always had a smile and a funny story to tell. Sadly I'm the older version that had to sneak around with a footlong hoagie hidden in his gym bag and slices of apple pie under a Tupperware container full of lettuce. The difference being the earlier was happy because he was eating whatever he wanted, whenever he wanted it and the later was forced to live off rabbit food. Just so you the reader know the extent of my problem here are the official results:

Total cholesterol ---Mine was 258


Normal: below 200 mg/dL

Borderline high: 200–239 mg/dL

High: 240 mg/dL and higher



LDL cholesterol ---Mine was 165

Normal: below 100 mg/dL

Borderline high: 100–129 mg/dL

High: 130 mg/dL and higher



HDL cholesterol ----Mine ws 42

Normal: 60 mg/dL and higher

Borderline low: 40–59 mg/dL

Low: 40 mg/d and lower



Triglycerides ----- Mine was 255

Normal: 150 mg/dL and lower

Borderline high: 150–199 mg/dL

High: 200 mg/dL and higher

As you can see I'm high in ever category. Goodbye pizza, bacon, pretzels, burgers, and pretty much any chance of eating real food ever again. Very bummed about this.