Holiday Leftovers

"Well I got my 2 front teeth...how about a college football playoff system!"
Poor guy just didn't get anything this year.

Fred's new buddy OOGA


Freddy The Snowbaby was very happy soul.

Charlie "AmericanSuperStar" Blockhead

Last week I mentioned I was working on a couple new gigs that I was hoping would pan out pretty soon. Well the really cool one did and here's the scoop!!!

Your's truly is now the official (paid!!!!) writer for American Super Stars !!! Thanks to my pal Genuine , I'll be posting the greatest and latest American Idol news five times a week the only way I know how (really jerky sounding). This has been been a dream of mine for awhile now and I'm still in shock it has finally happened. I know it's not the pulitzer or the New York Times, but in my mind I'm an official journalist.

The new season starts up next week so do me a favor and take a peek. Oh and one more thing! Just so you don't get confused and accuse me of making all this up, everything posted this year is mine. I know it says "by americansuperstar" and "by IdolStar", but it's me through and through. I promise to keep doing Charlie Blockhead and look forward to hearing your thoughts about the new site. Happy New Year!!!!!

I-OWE-A An Apology

A few months ago I wrote about how my brother Broccoli was moving to Iowa for some on the job training. It seems (as I often do) I may have put my foot in my mouth and said some negative things about the state. I don’t want to go into all the details, but I may have referred to it as the “nothing” state. Recently it has come to my attention that I may have hurt the feelings of a few readers who shall remain nameless (it was Erin) and since this person (and Broccoli) took the time to create a fantastic Christmas gift for me I figured I-OWE-A an apology.

So here it goes:

50 Fast Facts about Iowa
**Ripley's Believe It or Not has dubbed Burlington's Snake Alley the most crooked street in the world.
**Strawberry Point is the home of the world's largest strawberry.
**The state's smallest city park is situated in the middle of the road in Hiteman.
**Scranton is home to Iowa's oldest water tower still in service.
**Dubuque is the state's oldest city.
**Crystal Lake is home to a statue of the world's largest bullhead fish.
**Rathbun Dam and Reservoir is the largest body of water in the state.
**Spirit Lake is the largest glacier-made lake in the state.
**West Okoboji is the deepest natural lake in the state. Its depth is 136 feet.
**Imes Bridge is the oldest of Madison County's six bridges.
**Iowa's longest and highest bridge crosses Lake Red Rock.
**Elk Horn in the largest Danish settlement in the United States.
**At 16 miles, East Okoboji is the longest natural lake in the state.
**Kalona is the largest Amish community west of the Mississippi River.
**The state's lowest elevation point (at 480 feet) is in Lee County.
**The Holliwell Bridge is the longest bridge in Madison County.
**Francis Drake was 66 years old at his inauguration and Iowa's oldest governor.
**Iowa's oldest continually running theater is in Story City.
**The Cedar Rapids Museum of Art houses the largest collection of Grant Wood artwork.
**Fenlon Place Elevator in Dubuque is the world's steepest and shortest railway.
**Wright County has the highest percentage of grade-A topsoil in the nation.
**Quaker Oats, in Cedar Rapids, is the largest cereal company in the world.
**The Saint Francis Xavier Basilica in Dyersville is the only basilica in the United States situated outside a major metropolitan area.
**Clarion is the only county seat in the exact center of the county.
**Dubuque is home to the only county courthouse with a gold dome.
**Cornell College is the only school in the nation to have its entire campus listed on the National Register of Historic Places.
**The Sergeant Floyd Monument in Sioux City honors the only man to die during the Lewis and Clark expedition.
**Maynard Reece is the only artist to win the Federal Duck Stamp competition five times.
**A bronze life-sized sculpture of a Norwegian immigrant family (circa 1860) is located on a six acre restored prairie site located at the east entry to Lake Mills on Highway 105.
**Iowa's only operating antique carousel is located in the city of Story City.
**Knoxville's National Sprint Car Hall of Fame and Museum is the only museum in the country dedicated to preserving the history of sprint car racing.
**Iowa's only fire tower is situated in Yellow River State Forest.
**Sabula is Iowa's only town on an island.
**Herbert Hoover, a West Branch native, was the 31st president of the United States and the first one born west of the Mississippi.
**Mamie Doud Eisenhower's birthplace is located in Boone and includes a restored frame house, complete with summer kitchen and original furniture from the family.
**Van Meter is the hometown of baseball's Bob Feller, an Iowa farm boy who went on to greatness with the Cleveland Indians during the Golden Age of baseball.
**Born Donnabelle Mullenger in Denison, Oscar Award-winning actress, Donna Reed, started her career at the young age of 16.
**Born Marion Robert Morrison in Winterset, John Wayne was the son of a pharmacist and grew up to become one of Hollywood's most popular movie stars.
**Meredith Willson, who played with the famous John Philip Sousa and the New York Philharmonic before launching his career as a famous composer and lyricist, is a Mason City native.
**Glenn Miller, noted trombonist and orchestra leader, was born in Clarinda located in Southwest Iowa.
**The town of Fort Atkinson was the site of the only fort ever built by the U.S. government to protect one Indian tribe from another.
**Campers and motor homes are manufactured in Winnebago County. They're called Winnebago's.
**Iowa is the only state whose east and west borders are 100% formed by water.Missouri and Mississippi rivers.
**The highest double track railroad bridge in the world, the Kate Shelley Bridge, is located at Boone.
**Iowa is the only state name that starts with two vowels.
**The famous actor John Wayne was born in Winterset on May 26, 1907.
**Iowa State University is the oldest land grant college in the U.S.A.
**Decorah hosts Nordic Fest a three-day celebration of Decorah's Scandinavian heritage.
**The National Balloon Museum in Indianola chronicles more than 200 years of ballooning history.
**Sheldon High School Summer Theatre, the only high school repertory in Iowa and one of just a few in the nation presents a different play for each week in June and July

There I hope you can forgive me. I also hope you think I really read any of them cause I just copied and pasted them from another website and have no clue what they are about.

Dear Abby

Dear Abby,
I think I owe you an apology. It seems I have misinterpreted your actions. I see you almost everyday in your classroom at the Hill across from Baby Fred’s. You are usually getting settled in at the activity table. You know me from church and your parents are good friends of mine. Still I guess maybe I assumed too much. Each morning on my way out of the daycare, I see you sitting there with your pretty blonde hair and blue eyes…and that one little arm stretched out holding up a fruit-loop just for me. Who am I to turn down such a tempting offer? It would be just plain rude if I didn’t accept.
It wasn’t until this past Sunday that I realized my mistake. As you sat in front of us asking for your socks to be taken off, I noticed you were given a bag of cheese nips. Again I am not a rude person so I’m not going to very well just reach over and take one. As you sat there, staring at your bag of cheese nips, our eyes met…and you…you said “NO MINE!” and hid the bag from me. Oh dear Abby what have I done? All this time I thought you were offering me a tasty bit of fruit flavored cereal…only to realize you were simply showing me you had one. I apologize…

Sincerely,
Charlie Blockhead

P.S
I really don’t like cheese nips anyways and you were wearing tights not socks.

Charlie’s 12 Days of Christmas (Part II)

Man I have so much going on this week. There are so many things I want to write about, I really wish I had made more of an effort to post during the holidays. I don’t want to leave anything out, but at the same time new stuff is going on and I want to get past Christmas. The first section is a list of things I’ve got bouncing around in the ole noggin and then I’ll try to wrap up Christmas (no pun intended…on second thought…yes that pun was intended)

First Things First
**I’m missing my ruler at work. I know this doesn’t sound like a big deal, but I’ve had it for 4 years and I like it. I neeeeed it!! It’s all metal and wobbly with cork on one side for those times I need it to stick, then slick on the other side for when I’m scooting down the page. If you have seen it please let me know. I’m thinking about posting signs up around my cube farm.

**I’ve got a couple of job opportunities floating around in the Ether and I am in impatience overdrive. One of them I mentioned yesterday and the communication is mostly through email. The other is something local and I’m waiting on a call. Both are killing me. I’m checking my email and calling home to scan the machine every half hour. It’s making it hard to find time to do anything else…like the job I’m getting paid to do during the day…at this moment

**I got several clothes for Christmas that fit now, but I need to lose weight. So do I lose the weight and risk not getting to wear the new outfits or return the outfits and risk not being able to lose the weight that would drop me down to the next size? I’m not worried about the shirts; it’s the pants that are sorta baggy but not too baggy. I spilt a drink in the car the night before while I was wearing a pair of the jeans. I think I mooned half the city as they drove past me while I was pulled over on the side of the road scrubbing the seats of the station wagon.

Christmas Traditions
With this being Fred’s first Christmas we really wanted to set up some of our own traditions and modify others that just wouldn’t work now that we have a 9 month old. The previous years have been all day extravaganzas that started out 7:00 a.m. and last till 10:00 p.m. This was great when it was just the two of us, unfortunately there was no way the baby would be happy that long. No matter what he got from Santa! So instead of making 4 trips back and forth across town, we started early trying to consolidate. This sorta worked, we went to my moms on Christmas Eve and Pops came to our place Christmas morning (we intended to circle back to his place Christmas night but the baby just couldn’t go without anymore sleep). That knocked out 2 places, but it made Christmas Eve almost as long Christmas day once we factored in Church and the Mimi’s that night. Plus we just ended up staying longer at the grandparents on Christmas day and only really saved an hour and a half. Who knows what we will do next year. After 13 hours with only a 30-minute nap, Chief RedFace came calling and he only wanted new toys.

One thing we definitely did right was Christmas morning. We stayed up extra late/early wrapping gifts, opening all of Fred’s toys so he could jump on them the second he saw ‘em, we laid out cookies for Santa, carrots for Rudolph, Lucy wrote a note and took pictures, then we took bites out of the food and snapped a couple more pics just to prove Santa came, I even managed to watch A Charlie Brown Christmas at about the 1:30 a.m mark. It’s weird but as much as the whole staying up till 2 and getting up at 7 part of Christmas kinda bites…it also felt like my final initiation into parenthood. I just kept thinking that I was just one of millions staying up all night so that our children would be able to wake up and believe in the magic of Christmas. When Linus stepped up to the mic and told the Christmas story I just…I had forgotten what Christmas felt like through the eyes of a child. With only 4 hours of sleep under my belt I was practically the first one in the next room to see what Santa left behind…Lucy beat me by mere minutes.

Toys R Us
I have to preface this next part by saying that we go overboard on Christmas. I am very fortunate to be apart of two large families and with that comes the fact that by the end of the day most of the time we can’t see out the back of the car. Part of me feels guilty about all that we receive but even if I did say “Lets back off on the gifts this year” nobody is going to have any part of being told how much they can or can’t buy for their only grandchild. I’m not going to pick favorite gifts I’m just gonna talk about the ones that screamed for attention. If I miss anything it was more from lack of time than lack of enjoyment or gratitude.

Dude Fred got two of the coolest things I have ever seen!! The only thing keeping me from wishing I could go back in time and be his age again so I could get my hands of these is the fact that since he’s part mine and they are part his then they are part mine as well. I’m specifically talking about Pooh and Spidey. It’s a tiny Spiderman that spins his hands around and sings “Itsy Bitsy Spider” and I am playing with it more than he is. I may put it in the bed with us tonight (that’s not weird cause Fred is still there too…look for Fred Vs The Bed Part IV coming to a blog near you this month). Meanwhile as Spidey does his dance and shakes his groove thing, Pooh is riding a freak’n turtle around the room and when he stops all you gotta do is clap ya hands to make him go again. How cool is that!!! If only it had one of those things that made him change direction when he bumps into something. I could just sit there and play with Fred by going all “Clap on. Smack Smack” He also got a train with a removable giraffe, elephant, and monkey, a mega block farm complete with tractor and chicken, a hammer with a soft end so it doesn’t hurt so bad when he clobbers ya in the face (it still kinda hurts a little, just ask Lucy…man he got her right in the lip with the handle), books, DVDs, clothes, balls, phones, bubble blowers… I’m tired just thinking about all he got.

9Months and Still Growing
During my little hiatus from all that is Charlie Blockhead, Fred turned 9 months old. That same week just happened to also be the week he learned to clap his hands together. We practiced for a couple of nights and the next thing we knew he was doing it on his own. Now every time he does anything, weather it’s as simple as sitting up or as complicated as raising the roof (the roof, the roof is on fire we don’t need no water let the hmmm hmmm burn), he expects a standing “O”. In other growing baby news, all he wanted was his two front teeth and baby gets what baby wants. Now that he’s got a set of chompers he is eating better than mommy and daddy. During the day while we munch on such delectables as “Turkey Sandwich with mustard” and “Peanut Butter a la strawberry jelly”, little man has been eating pizza, ravioli, mac n’ cheese, and peach cobbler all week at the day care. Now he’s all into something called Puff Corn that is supposed to be kernel-less popcorn (now in butter and cheese flavors!!). Though they look like Styrofoam peanuts that have sat in the sun for to long, they taste scrum-diddly-umcious. When Lucy isn’t looking we play the old one for you two for me game.

All of this is great, but by far the best-kept secret of the holidays was the fact that Fred apparently knows how to stand up and push his scooter around. While at the Mimi’s Christmas Eve night he received a rolling activity center that folds up and turns into this walker type thing-a-ma-jig. He’s sitting there pushing it along on his knees, when being the lover of all things toy that I am; I figured I better check this new piece of equipment out. I quickly discovered it had a handle and folded it out thinking I’d do it once then a couple of months from now when he needed it I would know how it worked. Well that learning experience has zoomed by already, cause when Fred saw it he just grabbed the thing by the handle, yanked himself up on his feet, and off he went right there in front of the whole family. So many jaws hit the floor you would have thought there was a doctor with a tongue depressor lurking around.


Christmas Crumbs
This is just a few quick notes and then that will about do it for Charlie’s Christmas Spectacular. Maybe tomorrow I will ad a bunch picks and include Halloween since I’ve forgot to post them too.
**What is up with those twisty ties all his toys are packaged with? For crying out loud, I had to get a blowtorch and wire cutters just to get “My tag along puppy” out. By the end of the day I felt like I had been installing a barbed wire fence. By the time I get the darn thing open, Fred’s done moved on to something else and screaming for me to open it instead. Like some type of the assembly line where the shirtless bald guy stands over you ready to strike you with his whip the second your pace dips below his liking.
**How much is too much meat? I ate so much ham I think I may officially be part pig now. At one place since I had already had a big meal an hour earlier, I just piled my plate up with turkey and ham. This way I got the best the buffet had to offer and could use the previous meals as the reason why I couldn’t eat anything more. It would be just plain rude not to eat anything after they spent all day slaving away in the kitchen.
**Finally, I have to mention two classic gifts that will forever be in the Christmas Hall of Fame.
1) Lucy picked my favorite picture of baby Fred and had it made into a mouse pad. That is the coolest, most creative thing anyone has ever done for me and I almost hate to use it. She figured that and told me she had it made for the specific purpose of me taking it to work and I better not hurt her feelings. Man I love the thing. It’s like a piece of floppy art.
2) Broccoli pulled a rabbit out of his hat and got a graphic artist he knows in Iowa to make a Charlie Blockhead collage. Not only did she by sheer luck use orange and blue paint (GO WAR EAGLE GO!!!) she read every blog I have ever posted (all 87 of them), hand wrote them in different angles, added pictures of Lucy, Fred and I popping out from the top and sides, she then had it framed. Every time I look at it I see something new. It also had the unfortunate side affect of causing my ego to expand. Man I have written some great stuff in the past!! I don’t go back and read my old articles so I kept asking, “Did I do that?” I immediately hung it on my wall in the family room.

Well that was a Charlie Blockhead Christmas. If yours was half as amazing as ours, then you had yourself a very merry hoho…I know we did.

Till Next time …Late Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!!!!!

Charlie’s 12 Days of Christmas

Man I can’t believe it’s been that long since my last post. This must be what it’s like for a Catholic not to go to confessional once a week. There is soooo much to ramble about, I don’t even know where to start. I’m just gonna jump in there and try to wrap everything up by the end of the week.

Shout outs
I figure first things first I better give props to everyone that helped make Fred’s first Christmas something legends are born of. Gigi, Nana, Pops, Super Steve, Mrs. Mandy, Broccoli, Mimi, Bobbob, Auntie Molly…Thank you so much for all that you did for us this year. You all really went way overboard with your kindness and love. I know they say you can’t put a value on love, but I think some of you were trying (and got pretty close on a couple of occasions). It’s embarrassing to think of all you did for us and I just pray that you know how much it means to Lucy, Fred, and I.

Notice I left somebody out above? Lucy if it weren’t for you I wouldn’t have anything to celebrate. I always knew you were a great wife, but that’s nothing to the kind of mother you have become. I am in shock at how much love you carry inside.

Everything is Safe
I spent one afternoon helping Pops move a safe from his front room to the back of the house. It’s one of those giant gun safes that practically belong in a bank. The thing is so heavy you’d think they set it in the empty lot first and then built the house around it. And he was soooo cool about getting me to do it. He was all “Hey lets go grab some Mexican food and run some errands…then-move-the-safe-and-watch-a-movie” All I heard was food and movie. Next thing I know I’m pushing the 3-ton monster while wondering if I really should have ate that last bowl of salsa. Pops is the nicest guy you’ll ever meet, so he could have skipped the food and asked me to move the house instead. I would have still helped and I’m pretty sure he knows that too.

Sticky Situation
Fred went with us to eat Mexican and the next day I noticed something bright red in his diaper. This is nasty and if you want to skip this part I understand….just giving you fair warning…like my favorite children’s book “A MONSTER AT THE END OF THIS BOOK”…still reading…okay here it goes.

I don’t normally scan the baby poop for objects. Most of the time I just pull my shirt over my nose and jump in. Poor Fred probably wonders why Darth Vader changes his poopy diapers on the weekends. You know my voice can’t sound the same through two layers of clothes. Also he has something I’m not sure many other baby’s have…he has Man Gas. Not little baby poots that go squeak and cause the baby to chuckle. No Fred farts/poops like a man. Half the time I get accused of the noises he makes cause they are so deep and often rattle the windows. Man Gas alone is not that big a deal but when you have that much force coming from such a tiny vessel and being shot into a diaper that is meant to service normal baby poots…well it’s like dropping a watermelon from a roof and trying to hit a target. Yes you hit the target, but you also get everything around it nasty too.

As I was saying I don’t normally search the remains for debris but something caught my eye. At first I just figured it was a red bell pepper from some of the Mexican rice he had the day before, but then I got afraid it might be blood. I figured I better call in reinforcements. Since Fred likes to “play in the mud” if you don’t wrap things up pretty quick, I called for Lucy. It turns out that sometime in the past couple of days, Fred ate a sticker. We don’t know where it came from, just that it had a ladybug on it. Now that little man is sampling table food, he must have figured it was just another puff-puff. A flat sticky ladybug shaped puff-puff.

My Little Side Project
I completely meant to post at least once the week before Christmas. I had this whole “Year in Pictures” thing planned, but I got sidetracked. I won’t go into details but I am working on another website that might actually earn me some cash. Like everyone one else on this planet I could use a couple extra bucks. I was offered a chance to write for a new website and ended up spending a few days coming up with a couple of posts to serve as my audition. Cross your fingers, I want it badly!!! This will not mean I will quit Charlie Blockhead, I just may only post once or twice a week instead of 3.

Boom Boom Chik-a-bow-wow
I’ve mentioned Fred loooooovvveesss him some Barney. He is The Purple Prince of Peace around our house. He’s got this one song that just burrows it’s way into your brain and refuses to vacate the premises. “Boom Boom ain’t it great to be crazy, boom boom ain’t it great to be crazy. Silly and something something all day long, boom boom ain’t it great to be crazy” Those aren’t exactly the correct words but Lucy knows them by heart and sings them non-stop to Fred. I can never remember the words and end up singing something from NickleBack or 3-Doors Down.

Well last week Fred gave his mommy her first nickname “Boom Boom”. It seems that she may have sang this particular song one too many times and is now fighting her new moniker for all she’s got. You should hear them, “Boom Boom” he says. “No! I am Mommy MOOOOOMMMMMY” “Boom Boom?” “MOOOOOMMMMYYYY” “Mommmaaaaa”
Just to bug her I add the Chik-a-bow-wow to the end cause it sounds like 60’s porn music.

Ghosts of Christmas Past

Something really weird happened this morning. I bumped into an old friend of mine while dropping Fred off at the “Hill”. Now this alone is not enough to make an interesting post, but just four hours later Lucy is sitting at her desk and in walks another old friend we had lost contact with over the past five years. What are the odds of that? It’s probably not as staggering a statistic as I would like for it to be, but it’s still pretty odd that both connections would be re-established in the same day.

My half-sister (I hate that term. From now on I’m just going to refer to her as my sister) lives in a big city and it looks like my brother (still in Iowa) will end up in Nashville. I think I’m happy with my tiny town though. I wrote once about how everywhere I turn there is a story from my past waiting to be told. The big city just seems to have too many strangers for my tastes. I can’t imagine doing something as simple as reading the daily newspaper in a larger place. Here we don’t read the paper to find out about the news, we read it to keep up with old friends and enemies. Don’t get me wrong; the front-page headline gets our attention, but the Region section and the Local Crimes report keeps us buying papers. Lucy full admits to reading the obituaries first to see if she has lost an old friend and second to get a heads up on customers who will no longer be making any deposits.
Everybody is connected in this town. Take the two people we found today. During high school I ate lunch with Stephanie everyday. We were part of the same circles; hung out some on the weekends etc…the last night I really spent any time with her was on graduation night. A bunch of us all crammed into a nissan sentra and drove out to some natural land bridge 2 hours away at 1 in the morning only to have everyone chicken out and sit in the car for an hour debating the existence of hungry coyotes and forest dwelling homeless serial killers. I remember I just got the new PM Dawn cassette and I made everyone listen to it. Lucy thinks they sing, “I’d die without shoes” also featured in the movie Boomerang. So today I’m dropping Fred off and there she is. Married, two kids, and teaching at Fred’s daycare. Our kids might even eat lunch together at the high school someday.

Matt was one of the groomsmen at our wedding. We had worked together years back at the same grocery store where Lucy and I met. On Saturday nights would drive out to an old dead end two streets from where my office is now and get drunk while screaming Jimmy Buffet to 20 of our closest friends. It was his truck I jumped out of at just about the 35mph mark. I still have nightmares of dangling off the side while seeing the left rear tire whiz by as I skid to a stop on the hard asphalt. This was not the act of a drunken individual, but merely that of a blockhead who couldn’t tell the difference between 5 and 35mph. I hid it from my parents for 2 days until the pain just got to be too much. My mom made me bite a towel while she poured the peroxide and dug the rocks out of my shoulder. I still shudder at the sound of bacon frying. It was Matt that swore to my mom that I had not been drinking and he did everything he could to help me out. I think his exact words were “I even offered to poor my vodka on him to help stop the infection ma’am.”

After the wedding he moved away and until today I had no clue where he was. Turns out he moved back a few years ago, couldn’t find us in the phone book, and assumed we had also moved. He works for a large company that does business with Lucy’s bank. They sent him over to cash a check today and there she was.

I know there must be a reason people choose to live in cities like New York or LA…but for the life of me I just can’t seem to think any at the moment. In a city of 8 million people do old friends ever meet again?

SURPRISE!!!!!…you weren’t invited?

We went to a surprise party the other night and as a self-centered individual I have to say that these things put way too much pressure on the invitie (hey it’s my blog I will make up words if I want to).

I’m not even talking about the part where you lie to the birthday girl although that’s a pain in the butt too.

“So I guess I will see you Sunday at Church”
“No remember Tuesday…oh um…wait that’s next week…yea see ya at Church…um goodbye…” Click beep beep beep beep

My problem is I never know who is invited and who isn’t. Last year we got invited to one and thought that several other people did also. Nope. All week we went around asking people what they were getting the surprisie (new word) for her going away party. All week we heard this “What party? I knew she was leaving but nobody told me we were throwing her a party.”

What do you say to that? We went with “I’m sure they just haven’t gotten around to asking you yet.” What we were really thinking though was “Dude it’s Friday, the party is Saturday, and they don’t want you there”

What I hate is keeping it from the rest of the people that may or may not also be invited. We are fortunate enough to be friends with a large number of people who we come in contact with on a daily basis and it kills me to have to not talk about something that we might be able to talk about.

For a regular non-surprise party the usual questions are passed between invities.
“Are you gonna go?”
“What time are you gonna get there?” (I hate to be first or last)
“ What are you bringing?” (This helps gauge what we bring. I don’t wanna be the one bringing a $5 gift if everyone else spent $30. This works with food to. You don’t wanna spend hours slaving in the kitchen if the rest of the crew is popping into Wal-Mart on the way there)

With the surprise party none of these questions get answered. What happens is everyone goes around all week trying to break down every sentence from other potential invities just in case there was a clue as to whether or not they got the invitation.

“So what you guys doing Tuesday?”
“Why? What are you up to that night?”
“Oh I don’t know I was just seeing what you had going on this week.”
“We might be free on Tuesday. Wanna get together?”
Crap they weren’t invited!!! “Nah we better just sit home. I think Fred is coming down with something”
“Oh. Ok. Well maybe later on this week.”
“Cool. Maybe we can get a few people together.”
“ That will be fun. We can do it at our place. I don’t want to make it too big though. I’ll just invite 3 or 4 other people. Talk to ya later” Click
“WAIT!!! WHO????!!! WHO ELSE IS COMING????!!!!”

Fred VS Bed (Part III The Snooze Parade)

I know what you are thinking.
No we have not got him to sleep in his bed the full night yet.
Yes we are still trying.
Yes we understand he is almost 9 months old.

However we did figure out that noise is not one of things keeping us from our goal of being baby-in-our-bed-less.

Every night we lay Fred down in his crib and we turn into mime’s.
We tiptoe through the house. Turn the TV way way down so we can barely hear it. If we have to go outside, the doors are gently eased closed so as not to make their usual banging noise. The phone always gets answered on the first ring when baby is sleeping. Conversation is kept to a minimum and a game a charades breaks out every time somebody needs something from the other person.

Saturday night we took Fred to his first Christmas parade. It runs right in front of the Mimi’s and we were sure he would love all the fire trucks and clowns etc. The whole family on Lucy’s side comes over that night and though Thanksgiving was only two weeks ago a ham is cooked and everyone acts like it’s been ages since we last ate together. After the food and a little college football (go Gators!!!), it’s time to step out on the front porch and enjoy the parade/ pick up all the candy that is thrown.

It gets pretty loud. The fire trucks lay on their sirens; air horns are going off, kids screaming for candy. Clowns, cheerleaders, Santa Claus, horses, motorcycles…I could go on describing the parade but you get the idea. So anyway Fred is wrapped up like Randy from A Christmas Story and I think he is having a wonderful time. I can’t see his face through all the scarfs and head gear, but I hear Lucy ooohing and ahhhing to him so to me it looks like he is having a blast. Apparently Lucy thought so too since she kept bouncing and oohing/aahing the whole time. The parade was half over when Lucy shifted him around and realized he was asleep. An entire parade passed within five feet of him, he never woke up. I flush the toilet and you’d think I was in there shaking him.

So this is where we are at: Doors closing, television up so you can hear it, phone ringing, people talking, and a head hitting a pillow are just some of the things that will wake Fred up. Fire trucks beeping, police cars blaring, horses, motorcycles, a full high school band, kids screaming, and cheerleaders shouting put him to sleep.

Good yaaaaawwwwnnnnn Grief!!!

5 Years Ago Today…

5 Years Ago Today…
I was a nervous wreck
5 Years Ago Today…
My life was just beginning
5 Years Ago Today…
Christmas trees decorated with white lights surrounded me.
5 Years Ago Today…
My grandfather gave me the book “Why I’m a member of the Church of Christ”
5 Years Ago Today…
Family from five states came together.
5 Years Ago Today…
Lucy never looked more beautiful.
5 Years Ago Today…
I remember the weather as being perfect but I’m not sure what the temp was or if it was raining or not.
5 Years Ago Today…
I made a promise in front of 200 people
5 Years Ago Today…
Fred was nothing more than an idea, a hope, a dream, a twinkle in Lucy’s eye.
5 Years Ago Today…
I remember saying ‘on that day in February when the sky fell down and I could not breathe; you lifted me up and you were my breath”
5 Years Ago Today…
Old grievances were put aside and 26 years of hard work was rewarded.
5 Years Ago Today…
I stood hidden behind a stained glass window and watched as Lucy’s picture was taken.
5 Years Ago Today…
Lucy dropped a piece of chocolate cake down into her cleavage just as the cameras flashed.
5 Years Ago Today…
A group of people trashed my white explorer.
5 Years Ago Today…
My brother gave a speech over a glass of punch.
5 Years Ago Today…
My grandmother revealed for the first time to Lucy that she was wearing a wig.
5 Years Ago Today…
I ate the best cheese straws I have ever tasted.
5 Years Ago Today…
Life moved so fast it blurred my vision and everything began to glow.
5 Years Ago Today…
A church youth director created a winter wonderland.
5 Years Ago Today…
Lucy lost something that meant a lot to her (her last name you pervert)
5 Years Ago Today…
Promises were made that are still being kept.
5 Years Ago Today…
I stood in awe at what was being lead down the isle in front of me.
5 Years Ago Today…

At the North Village Baptist Church in Central, Al. an average Joe leapt far beyond his dreams and married a blue-eyed angel.

Family Ties

I come from 2 separate large families that really have very little in common. I don’t know how to put their differences into words without offending anyone so let’s just leave it at “they are different”. If you start with my grandparents and count your way down to grandkids, there are about 26 people on my mom’s side and close to 35 on my dad’s.
That’s a bunch of people!!! What it means to me is that I’ve got a free room to stay anytime I’m in Mississippi, Tennessee, Alabama, Georgia, Florida and on the off chance my brother decides to settle down there, Iowa. It also means that we are never truly in the same place at the same time anymore.

Back when the number of family members on each side was in the teens, you could always count on seeing every cousin, aunt, uncle, and future/temporary boyfriend at grannies during that holidays. After a big meal my mom’s side always settles down to a game of Taboo or OutBurst. The kids would be running the loop that started at the entrance to the living room, straight to the back of the house, up the long dark hall, into the dinning room, and back to the living room entrance. I ran this same path when I was kid as I suppose my mom and her sisters did when they were growing up. After 30 odd years if you look close enough the floor is probably a little lower in places. Kind of like tire tracks through fresh snow. Sooner or later though the turkey would start to knock people out and eventually the driveway would be free of the traffic jam that sat there hours earlier.

My dad’s side is a little different. My grandfather is a preacher and like most preachers, he moves around every few years. As my grandparents moved from tiny town to tinier town, at some point they began to leave their children behind. They lost one in Montgomery, Al., two in Jacksonville, Fl., etc...until now nobody lives within four hours of them. This means that when everyone gets together it’s never really the whole family, but merely bits and pieces of families. My dad may bring my half-brother but not my half-sister. An aunt may show up, leaving the husband and kids behind. No matter who arrives, two things are always for certain; 1.There will be people sleeping in the floor cause nobody wants to pay for a hotel room and 2.Everyone disagrees with some part of everything going on. He wants to eat this at this time. She’s ok with the time, but not what we are eating. We all wanna go someplace, but not the same place, and if he doesn’t want to go then I’m hanging out here with him even though I really don’t like the weather channel. It’s a big, loud, chaotic mess of babies, teenagers, and parents acting like teenagers cause they are back home with granny and grandpa.

When we all get together, there is something about those 2 separate homes that makes us all act like kids again. It’s the same on both sides. You are not only walking through the door to you’re grannies house, you’re being transported back in time to when you were 5 and asking for ice cream for dinner.

The main thing both sides of my family have in common though, is that 2 people that love each other deeply and will never part from one another founded them. In an age where some marriages barely last a month, theirs is the stuff of legend. Through them generations upon generations of people were born and brought together.

This is a marvelous and special thing, to be apart of two such large families…but nowadays I wonder about what will happen when the core no longer exists. Nobody likes to think of death, but I can see it occurring already. We just can’t all seem to meet at the same place, the same time anymore. Cousins and nephews are being lost due to the lack of time it takes to try and contact every member of the family. Hellos are sent, I love you’s exchanged, births are announced, and weddings are all communicated through the core…Granny and Grandpa. If I need to know how my cousin and his new baby are, I don’t call him. I call granny. It’s just easier to get the info on everyone at one time rather than make myself promises to call each person individually once a month and then feel guilty when I let it slip my mind. Besides what is there to talk to about when you don’t see one another any longer?

One of the things I worry about most in life, and trust me I worry about a lot of things, is that one day ten years from now I’m not going to know where those cousins, aunts, uncles, and future/temporary boyfriends are. There will be nobody to spread the word, just a bunch of puzzle pieces scattered across the countryside never quite reflecting the portrait that once existed.

Confessions of a Professional Sidekick

For the past few years Thanksgiving has also meant inventory at the plant so I’d only get to be off 2 days and then it was up 3 stories on a scissor lift all day for the next 4. The schedule changed this time around and I was blessed with 4 days off. Lucy had to work on Friday, got a 24-hour stomach bug on Saturday, and went Christmas shopping on Sunday. The daycare was closed Friday so it was just us guys, Saturday Fred and I destroyed the house while Lucy slept, and Sunday (since she took the baby with her) I was left to try and rebuild. Needless to say my role in the Blockhead household took on another larger identity.

I was a comic book geek growing up and to this day I find myself salivating every time the newest movie or comic themed show hits the airwaves. Before Lucy came along I was spending $30 a week, $120 a month, $1440 a year. Today they are all in the attic crammed in about 3-4 boxes. Even to this day I find myself day dreaming of swinging through the skyscrapers of New York or stalking my prey along the streets of Gotham. I guess that is one of the reasons this blog is called The Adventures of Charlie Blockhead. I could have gone with Blockhead or…I don’t know… something more related to my life as a new dad. The thing is, everyone’s life is an adventure and the thrill of writing my story three times a week is more fun than I could have imagined. And just like every story mine has a hero…but it’s not me; I’m just the narrator. Comic relief. A Sidekick.

I once was a normal, run of the mill, dime a dozen, frat bro. I didn’t go to church, barely went to school, drank too much, played too hard, I was anything but extraordinary. Then out of nowhere a hero emerged complete with a costume and superpowers. The costume being her grocery store uniform and …well… as for the superpowers…those blue eyes could melt the coldest of hearts. Over the past tens years she has continuously swooped in to save the day at the last minute. Money, career, house, marriage, baby, religion, love…without her I may not have any of these. If that wasn’t enough after the past weekend there is no doubt she is the real star of Charlie Blockhead. Taking care of the baby for two days, then cleaning up afterward only reinforced who the main character in my life is.

If you think about it, all the great ones have sidekicks. Hardy had Laurel, Abbott had Costello, nobody knew Ed McMahon till he sat down next to Johnny Carson…me I’m proud to say I’m probably Robin to Lucy’s Batman. She’s not a blogger. She’s too busy behind the scenes doing things I routinely try to avoid; like laundry. Together we are a team and more often than not I’m always there lending a helping hand, taking the lead when I need to, trying my best to pull my own weight, but most of the time I’m just a stand in until Lucy swoops in and fixes what once went wrong.

She would never dream about putting our lives out in public for the world to see. She’s too busy to take the time to do anything that may seem as bragging or patting herself on the back. I pray I don’t come off as unappreciative. That she knows how much I love and cherish her. Is she aware that she has become the voice of my conscience? The person I think of before making even the minutest decisions? The one I desire to be around even during the worst of fights? Without her I’m just a blockhead, but together...we are a dynamic duo.

100 Things I’m Thankful For In No Particular Order

1 The duck shaped toy holder that suctions to the shower wall
2 Pizza (all kinds)
3 Baby Wipes
4 The ability to read
5 Post it notes
6 Jimmy Buffet
7 The twinkle in Lucy’s eye
8 Completing each other’s sentences
9 Barney
10 Playpens
11 Pigpen
12 An 8-5 work day
13 Jesus
14 Old men who like to tell stories
15 Fred’s new tooth
16 Sunrises at the beach
17 Mars Hill Daycare
18 Having more Love and less Hate in my life
19 Oxy-clean
20 Free coffee at work
21 My marriage
22 TV
23 Bottled water
24 Lazy Sundays
25 Stormy Saturdays
26 Baby Fred
27 DVD Recorders
28 Vanilla Wafers
29 Inside Jokes
30 Freedom
31 Woodstock
32 Pillows
33 Leftovers
34 Mail
35 Cat Litter
36 My yard
37 Fred learning how to talk
38 Lucy watching out for me
39 Pork (all variations)
40 Long drives
41 My shortcut home
42 A wife who puts gas in my car
43 A car to put gas in
44 Heroes (real and imaginary)
45 People who decorate their yards for Christmas
46 Not having to be one of those people
47 Old timey newspaper stands that trust you to only take 1 paper but have no way to stop you from getting all you want…which I do.
48 Toilets
49 Toilet paper
50 Finding free food stuck in a vending machine and being able to shake it loose
51 The little prayer Lucy whispers to Fred every night
52 Puffs
53 Desktop Calendars
54 College football
55 Big thangs of tea
56 Kitty cats
57 Movies where things explode and nobody talks
58 Arm chairs that raise up at movie theaters
59 Muppets, puppets, and fraggles
60 ColdPlay
61 Best of cds
62 Spell-check
63 Thick socks
64 Moments where you think it’s going to be a poopy diaper but it’s just a wet one mixed with a smelly poot
65 Fred being able to hold his own bottle
66 Lucy washing my clothes
67 Cinnamon rolls on Sunday mornings
68 The shape of Lucy’s body (meow!! Hubba hubba!!)
69 Saturday Night Live skits
70 Bean day at work
71 Parents (grand and otherwise)
72 Toys that dangle from carseats
73 Friends that are just as broke as we are
74 Acid reflux medicine
75 Photos
76 The way Lucy and I make fun of each other
77 Fred playing with his reflection
78 Insurance
79 Prayer
80 Paperback novels
81 Chip clips
82 Leaf blowers
83 Carports
84 Hats
85 reruns of Scrubs
86 New episodes of Lost
87 All you can eat Chinese buffets
88 CD burners
89 Cheap shoes from American Eagle
90 Flocks of birds making weird shapes in the air
91 Jumper cables
92 Forgiveness
93 Forgetfulness
94 Curling up with Lucy on the couch while Fred sleeps in his own bed
95 Scary movies
96 Watching TV in stereo
97 New music Mondays on AOLMusic.com
98 My blog
99 The chance to oneday print every post and read them back to a teenage Fred

100 Having everything I ever wanted without ever knowing I wanted it.

Fred VS Bed (Part II Baby Without Fear)

Things had been progressing pretty well for a couple of days. Each night Fred was spending more and more time in his bed then we took two steps back…well it was actually 2 crawls forward…either way he still ended up back in our bed.

The pain from teething had subsided enough to allow him to sleep more comfortably and us too for that matter. I think we may have almost been ready to go the full night. My alarm woke little man up Thursday morning and a deal was made: I would watch Barney with him for 30 minutes while I ate and got ready, then I would take him to the bedroom and Lucy would keep on eye on him.

He’s crawling all over the bed, going from this corner to the next. Crawling under covers, really making Lucy work for it. He is in the middle of the bed when he drops a nuclear bomb in his diaper. The shot was so extreme it exploded out the top. Lucy didn’t realize it at first since he had a gown on, grabs him to get him changed, and gets poop all over her hands. Now he is in middle of the bed, covered in poop, she turns to wipe her hands at the exact time I walk in the room. Fred “Baby Without Fear” sees me, jumps from the middle of the bed, and gravity does the rest. Lucy barely misses a foot, I barely miss an arm, but the hard wood floor caught his whole face. It almost knocked him out.

This was his first major fall and being new parents we were clueless. We wanted to call an ambulance but calmed down enough to simply rush him off to his pediatrician. The knot above his left eye was huge and after a brief discussion with the Doc about how it would sound like rice crispies if anything had been cracked, x-rays were taken, and we were sent on our way home…where we were told to watch him all day and night just in case. Meaning back to the bed with us. Friday night came and with it the pain of teething. Looks like this is going to take awhile…

Fred VS Bed (Part I)

I have blogged about this at least 6 times before, but this is it. Fred is going to learn to sleep in his own bed. We are serious this time. No turning back. Nothing can stop us…except he is teething so the first night he only slept for 3 hours before we brought him in with us. Tonight we are shooting for 3 ½ hours.

Here is a classic example of why he must learn to love his baby bed:

We are all lying there (including buttons the cat). Adam is curled up facing Lucy, drinking a juice bottle and barely awake.

“Lucy, we gotta get him into his room. This is good for nobody.”

“We will. We just gotta easy him into it.”

“Well if we ever wanna give him a little brother or sister, he can’t be in here much longer.”

The instant Fred heard “brother or sister” he spun around and slapped me square in the face. He eyebrows furrowed deep and those squinty little eyes said it all:

“LOOK HERE MISTER!! I am the only baby in this house and this is MY bed YOU’RE sleeping in. You BETTER be nice to me or I’m gonna get CHIEF REDFACE to put something on you AJAXS won’t take off!! And if you think another BABY is coming in here to mess up the SWEET DEAL I GOT GOING, YOU GOT ANOTHER THING COMING.”

So now we are definitely trying to get him in his own bed. Before he learns to walk and I wake up with him standing over me in the middle of the night.

Whispers of the Fog

Lately I know it seems like my posts have skewed towards the depressing side of life. It just feels like we have been taking a beating over the past few months. Unexpected bills, unexpected heartache, just in time for the holidays. If not for Fred I’m positive life would be a much darker place than what it appears at times.

I wrote The Fog a month ago. At the time I wasn’t sure if I would ever be able to talk openly about the death of our beloved cat Sassy. I’m probably not going to go into much detail even now. The only reason I bring it up is because on October 9th we were a family of six. Equally split between gender and species. Lucy, Sassy, Booboo. Charlie, Fred, Buttons. 3 girls, 3 boys, 3 humans, 3 pets. By November 9th that was no longer the case. Last week we lost Booboo the outside cat that had followed us home after an evening walk 5 years before. She survived cold winters, hot summers, thunderstorms, and snowfalls. She was our furry little shadow.

We had been planning the yard sale for sometime and had even put an ad in the paper for this past Saturday. She disappeared mid-week and the family next door found her on Thursday. They were kind enough to put her in a tiny box so we were avoided the nightmares of Sassy that still replay in our minds on a continuous loop. I may never discuss what happened to Sassy on this site…there are too many details each wrapped in barbed wire so that they pierce the heart whenever spoken. We went forward with the yard sale, and then we closed up shop.

The stress became too much. Life has been making too many demands. Our most recent loss sent us into shock wondering if we had finally hit rock bottom and fearing what was next. So at 12:00pm Saturday, we closed the door to our house and started trying to recharge our batteries. No contact with the outside world for 2 days. The only people we spoke to were our parents (just can’t shake that GiGi). No going out with friends, no housework, nothing but getting adjusted to our new family of 4. 1 girl and 3 boys. The balance gone, echoes of the past month swirling with the wind outside, beating against the house. We even skipped church on Sunday. I’m pretty sure God understands our absence, because those two days were just what we needed. We did nothing but watch TV, sleep, and best of all…enjoy our baby boy. We laughed and played and chased him all over our home. Buttons ran through the house chasing his tail, got in on the chase for Fred, and received more love than ever. He lets Fred pet him now.

On Monday, just like that morning a month ago, the world was covered in white. The first fog since Sassy had passed. And just like last time we began picking up the pieces and enjoying the simple things in life…the sound of a baby calling for his momma…the laughter from a joke between mom and dad…the twinkle in Lucy’s eye.


PS Don’t forget to vote on Fred’s first word !!!

A Friend In Need

As any parent can tell you, there are only so many hours in the day. Blogging is a hobby (maybe someday a money making one thanks to these people ) so I barely have the time to write my own besides visit somebody else's. Thanks to AdventureDad ,I came across Atomictumor the other day and I immediately made it one of my places I visit daily.

By coincidence this guy lives about 3 hours from me in Oak Ridge, Tn. and is living everyone's worst nightmare. I copied this next part from his "about me" section, I just didn't want to incorrectly describe his situation:

"GAC, my 29 year old wife, the mother of two young children, and a frequent writer here is in dire condition. The root cause is unknown, but she is in critical condition at an ICU here in Oak Ridge, TN.While this is happening, I'm hijacking what is normally a once a day, write whatever kind of blog and turning it into a journal and a vigil for her. This began on October 30, became serious on November 2nd, and became critical on November 3rd"


He posts like 5 or6 times a day and though some may see it as depressing, I think it is one of the most moving and uplifting things I have ever come across. The love this man has for his wife is amazing, spiritual, life sustaining...it's the kind of love I have for Lucy and most people dream about. Through this daily journal to his wife, you can feel his tears and hear his pleading for her to come back to him. Please take a moment to pay him a visit and let him know he is not alone.

Let’s Walk and Talk!!!

It has finally happened, baby is mobile. He started crawling close to two weeks ago and he is bored with it already. At first he was simply moving around in a little circle, but now he is a baby with a purpose. The second you sit him down he aims in the direction of the nearest thing he can pull up on and launches himself towards it. We have to be extra careful now because like most babies he enjoys standing while holding on to mom/dads fingers except after a few seconds he lets go and tries to go it alone. Pretty soon he will be chasing down buttons the cat and trying to ride him like a pony.

Now for some time there has been a running debate as to whether or not we are actually hearing words and not just baby babble. Right off the bat at about 4 months you could hear the goo-goo’s and gaa-gaa’s all during the day. For the past few weeks those sounds have started coming out more and more like words with a purpose. This is where we are stuck; how do we decide when an actual first word has been said? So far the choices are as follows:

1) “Hey”, Fred has been shouting this for over a month, the problem is whether or not he is truly intending on saying Hey or if it’s just a new noise he learned like his surprised noise that goes ”Haaaaaaaaa” accompanied with a shocked look on his face. He has also started growling; at first we thought he was really constipated but now we think he may have learned it from the cat. Anyways the question remains, “Is this his first word?” Yes sometimes he says it when people first walk into a room, but sometimes he just says it.
2) “Dadda”, I would soooooo love for this to be his first word, but I run into the same problem as above. He makes the noise regardless of if I’m in the room or not. He has said it while looking at me, but he also said it to his reflection in the mirror the other day. “Is this his first word?”
3) “Momma Momma” There is no mistaking this one. With out a doubt he is calling for Lucy. He has only been doing it for 3 days and he only does it when he is upset. Once he starts he doesn’t stop until she picks him up. You should see her face light up every time he does it. There is no doubt it makes both of them very happy. The only problem with this choice is that 1) and 2) exist. If either of them are to be considered his first word and not some random noise than as much as she would like it to be, choice 3) cannot be the first word. 1) might be the answer, but again without directing it towards somebody it becomes just another goo-goo gaa-gaa. And let’s not forget that option 2) wouldn’t necessarily hurt my feelings.

So in order to get some type of neutrality here, I’m asking you the reader to be the tiebreaker. I know a ton of people read this site and now I need your help. Leave me a comment and decide “Fred’s First Word”. Once a week or so has passed, I’ll do an update and announce the winner.

Time Traveling

Daylight Savings time took into effect a couple of weeks ago and I’ve yet to set the clocks back in the house. At first I was just putting it off out of laziness. We’ve got a ton of clocks. Then the more I put it off the more I liked them to be an hour ahead.

You see, once you have a baby every second becomes a thing to hold on to. You begin anguishing over the moments wasted doing things that used to be of importance. Watching TV, reading, going to the movies, yard work, all become things that you put off in order to spend more time with the family. So all week long every time I look at the clock instead of thinking, “Man!! It’s already 4:00 pm. The day is over.” I think, “Man, It’s already 4:00pm…no wait it’s only 3:00pm!!!! I’ve still got the whole afternoon.”

I know it sounds weird, but I feel like I’m traveling back in to time so that I can make the most of the hour I just wasted.

The Politics of Potluck

I’m really funny when it comes to eating out. Specifically when it comes to buffets. My rule is like foods only. I will not eat at a buffet if it does not share some sort of nationality. Chinese buffet: beef and broccoli, sweet and sour chicken, won ton soup, like foods equal ok to eat. Italian buffet: pizza, lasagna, spaghetti, and garlic bread, again like foods equal good eats. Mixed buffet: turnip greens, tacos, pizza, fried catfish, and sushi, no common country of origin equals a sprint to the nearest bathroom.

Now the only time I bend this rule is when it comes to potlucks. You know what I’m talking about. Even if you’re not religious and haven’t had a chance to enjoy the food and fellowship of a good ole southern style potluck dinner, you’ve probably experienced close to the same thing at family reunions. The only difference is that more than likely you’ve spent your entire life sharing meals with the family and even if the food is nasty you know what to avoid and what to request that person to make in advance. Can’t do that at a church potluck.

So you get in the gianormis line that stretches from the pulpit to the picnic tables out back and you spend the next half hour taking baby steps while making small talk with the person in front of you. You finally get to the start of the food table and you quickly realize that the crowd is so thick you have no way of knowing what lies ahead further up the food chain. You have two choices: A) make your way through the line adding small amounts of this and that while counting on there being that amazingly tasty something special that you just know you’re going to want to load up on. The down side being that special something may not be at the other end and you’re left with tiny amounts of mediocrity. Or B) load up at the beginning of the table and forfeit any room on your plate for that must have item. This is usually the quickest way to get out of line and will surely allow you time to find the perfect seat right next to all your friends, however you have to really be careful on what you load up on or you are going to have a plate full of nasty and nothing to do but choke it down or dine with Ronald McDonald afterwards.

I always seem to take choice A). Not necessarily because I’m waiting for something better just over the horizon, but because I’m always looking to try new things. So right from the start I have doomed myself to having to choke down some type of chicken casserole that smells delicious but tastes like my cousins odor eaters. It’s either that or I immediately start the quarantine process. Say for example I mistakenly thought the green mashed potatoes would be a nice treat, but found out differently once I took the first heaping spoonful. Now not only have I wasted valuable property on my plate where something more fulfilling could have been built, but I also have to give up a quarter of the green beans to the left and macaroni to the right of the disaster. Whatever portion the green mashed potatoes touched is off limits. Now I’ve had to give up half my plate simply because I got caught up in all the hussle and bussle of the potluck.

Finally there is one sure way to survive the potluck without having to make too many choices and avoid a case of ecoli. Meat. Turkey, chicken, ham…always load up on meat. Add a couple rolls and call it a day. Even if for some reason something other than meat catches your eye and turns out tasting like run over turtle, you can always make a sandwich out of the meat and rolls.

So remember meat/rolls good, tacos and tapioca on the same plate bad.